having BA when a family member has had amastectomy

I know I want my boobs done but am a little worried what others will think.

My mil had breast cancer in both breasts ten years apart and has never bothered with the reconstruction after her mastectomies but does wear boobs when in public. I am worried what she will think of me if I do go for a BA, I feel guilty and really don't want to upset her. My other half said he had spoken to her about it and she was fine with it but I'm not sure she would say if she wasn't. He said I could talk to her but I feel embarrassed.

what would you do? X

That's a hard situation and not a easy one. First off you should never feel guilty because this is your life and you need to do what will make you happy! You cant make your life decisions based on worrys about what people may think! If I was in your situation, although not a nice conversation it would be one that I would need to talk about (unless I wasn't going to tell them at all)just to ensure there was no elephant in the room! . I'm sure like all reactions there will be worry and concern from you mil but we all need support from someone. Your other half said he had already spoken to her so I would just go for it... Good luck xx

You're mother-in-law has been through an awful time in her life Laura and has had a frightening scare of just how short life can be and thankfully survived cancer! This does give you a whole new outlook on life babe and a need to grab at everything that's good that comes our way! 

So I'm sure knowing this, your M-I-L would tell you too, not to waste time worrying about what others might think and to just focus soley on what you think you need to make you happy, because we're ALL on this earth on borrowed time babe - make the most of yours. Xx

Lovely response from the girls here Laura. A very hard situation indeed but as said above, your MIL will appreciate how precious life is and I'm sure she would not begrudge you doing something which you believe will make your life better. Try not to worry too much, once it's out in the open and has been discussed it will probably be forgotten in a few weeks and not mentioned anyway! xx

I appreciate not everyone is the same but my sister in law/best friend (although at first I kept it from her) has been my biggest supporter!
She kicked cancer in the butt just last year and is still half way through reconstruction at the mo - her surgeon is currently trying to get her to agree to having her good boob cut and nipple moved rather than putting an implant in to match the reconstructed boob as promised!
She has brought me up her v-pillow and numerous support bras before I'd even booked my date lol - and is insisting on taking me to the hospital rather than getting a train... I think she's more excited than I am! I feel bad not telling her from the start - I think she knows more than anyone that I know personally what boobs actually mean to us women and for that reason is my biggest fan at the mo x

I think I will speak to her then, just to make sure she is ok with it x

I had mine Wednesday and my partners mum is having an op to remove breast cancer on Thursday and it doesn't bother her at all she says if she could of afforded to then she would of bad hers done years ago x

I think I just worry too much. She is so lovely I would never want to upset her. Hope your partners Mum gets on ok x

Have a chat with her and say how u feel , I can't imagine her being upset with u , hasn't she been allowed to have implants and reconstructive surgery ? X

My partners mum tells me I'm brave for having the surgery I would think your over worrying as u don't want to upset her but I think u would be surprised at how pleased she will be for u , x

I think that shows your really caring Laura to worry about upsetting your mil when she's had a tough time, I'm sure it will all work out fine :) xx

Hi Laura. I am so happy to have found your post.  I am in a similar situation to yourself and the replies to your post have really helped.  I am really close to my aunt and she was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 years ago.  Unfortunately by the time she found it, it was too late.  Investigations showed that it had spread to her bones so it couldn't be cured.  She didn't get as far as surgery because it wasn't going to stop it from spreading.  She is the most amazing person I know.  She is never going to beat it, but at the moment she is living with it.  She has her good days and her bad days (thankfully more good than bad at the mo).  Anyway, I could go on and on about her but I don't want to hijack your post.  I haven't told her that I've had my BA because I am worried that she would think less of me.  I feel I should have been happy with what I had because I was healthy.  I actually put all thoughts of BA out my head for ages because of her situation, but I eventually decided to go for it.  My mum thinks I should tell her, and that she would be fine, but I am so worried she'd be disappointed with me.  So what I am trying to say is that I totally understand where you're coming from.  I agree with Jen though, to avoid the elephant in the room try and discuss it with her.  I might just grow a pair myself and speak to my auntie about it too? xxx:hugme:

Very pleased to have seen your post too, MIL was also diagnosed with secondary bone cancer in October last year and so reassuring to hear that your Aunt is still doing reasonably well. Its so awful when they fight it off and it just keeps returning. Its so amazing how well they cope isn’t it, she has my Son three days a week while we are at work and he absolutely adores her. She never ever complains about anything or feels sorry for herself, such an inspiration. Like you, I feel like I should just be satisfied that I am healthy and feel that my empty pre-pregnancy boobs shouldn’t bother me but they really do. She does know from my other half that I want to have it done and he said she wasn’t bothered at all but I think I might have a chat with her any way, I am overdue a meal out with her and my sil so could have a chat then when there are no men or babies about!
 
I think like me, you should discuss it with her, I’m sure she will fully support and understand your decision.
 
Good luck, huge hugs xx