unsupportive family

i'm going to try and get funding for an op on the nhs as my first port of call as my boobs are severely asymmetric (one is A, other is a C/D). I have some money as part funding for a private op due to my grandfathers inheritance so i can start saving on top of that for a while and look at finance options if i get refused on the nhs. my biggest problem is my mother, she is really unsupportive of the fact that i desperately need this surgery for my confidence and just keeps emailing me articles about the PIP implants and whatever she can find about dodgy boob ops.

i've done a load of research about ops and and opting to go and see james mcdiarmid if i have to go private as his reviews seem to be almost perfect. i understand the risks involved and have waited for years to see if my boobs will change, including having lost weight to get a bmi of under 25 to fulfil nhs criteria and also in the hope that my boobs will balance out. unfortunately, the size difference is more noticeable after the weight loss and i feel worse than even about them when i should be enjoying my new figure :(

it frustrates me that my mother cant be more supportive and to be honest its part of the reason why ive held off for so long about looking into my options. she also hates the fact that i plan to use my grandfathers inheritance as part of the funding if i do go ahead and guilt trips me by saying that he would be really disappointed that im using it for surgery that i dont 'medically' need. has anyone else had problems with lack of support from those around them?

Hi hun I am in the same position as you! My mum is so unsupportive and no one really wants to talk about it or for me to have it done. I started a thread on here a while ago about family etc u should have a read of it. Everyone on BJSF is so excited for me and love talking about boobies the girls have been so supportive on here u will find it a lot of help. I am in the same boat as u hun and if u need to talk I am here. xx

thanks pammie. its horrible to be made to feel like this as im an only child too and have always looked to my mother to guide and support me so now i feel in turmoil as part of me thinks 'listen to your mother' but the other half knows that this is solely my decision and i need to make the right choice for me. what really upsets me is that she seems to think im being influenced by the likes of the reality shows and glamour models when in actual fact, ive never allowed myself to be influenced by anything like that, im very well educated in the sense that i research everything thoroughly and make decisions based on reems of information and fact so it hurts that she thinks im doing this for vanity when its only because my breasts are soo awful as they are that i need to look normal. x

Hey sweetheart, my parents weren't at all supportive of my BA, but although I sat and listened to all of their horror stories out of respect for them, out of respect for me as a grown women who is quite capable of making decisions of my own, I went ahead with what I wanted to do and not what my parents wanted to do. I don't interfere with any decisions they make to enrich their lives and so whatever they had to say, I was going to enrich my life with a BA, simply because it's what 'I' wanted.

As a 28 year old woman Lumpy, the apron strings have long been cut babe and although we all respect our mothers, if they choose to 'interfere' through their concern rather than support, then that's up to them babe, what you have to ask yourself as a grown woman, is 'are you prepared to have your mother make your life changes for you?' or 'Are you going to make a decision as a grown woman and let your mother deal with her own issues?'

I know that sounds harsh Lumpy, I'm a mother of a grown woman myself and would always allow her, her own decisions, even if sometimes I feel they're not the right one, I can only guide as I see and then sit back and leave her to it...

My mother like yours stated her distaste for my having a BA, I listened and then did it anyway, she never spoke of it since I had my surgery and thats her choice and I respect that, but otherwise, she's my mum and she's fine with me.

You have to live your life for you Lumpy and not your mother, having a BA will not do anything to change things in your mothers life, but this is going to life changing for YOU and it's not your mothers place to say what money that is rightfully yours should be spent on and I'm sure your grandfather gave you the money to make you happy and if a BA is what is going to make you happy, then your grandfathers will be happy too won't he babe and I'm sure after you've had your BA, your mum will come around and all will be OK, we mothers cant help but love our babies unconditionally.

Big hugs hun Sounds like you're going through quite a bit there. xxx

Hi hun, as a mum of 4 I think your mum is just worried about you. No one really wants their children to have any surgery. HOWEVER I understand you would like your mum's support and really hope you get it. It must have been hard for you to tell her and I think once she realises how much you need this op "for you" hopefully she will come round. Meantime as Pammie says, you will get shed loads of support from us girls on here

I'm at work till 9pm my lovely but when I get home I will be happy to chat away with u and give u all my support xx

hi guys, thanks for your replies, you've been great! but just to let you know, there have been MAJOR developments! i've got an appointment with my GP today to ask for a referral so I went and saw my mother last night and mentioned it to her. i explained fully about why i'm going to see the GP and how down i feel at the moment. we had a very long chat about it and when she finally realised how much research i'd done on the actual op and was telling her about different sizes, implants, options (ie uplifts, reductions, etc) she seemed to be more understanding than before. i actually showed her my breasts too and the look on her face said everything, she said she could understand why i wanted to go through with surgery but still wanted me to fully consider my options. so as it stands, i feel i'm actually getting somewhere! i did mention that im considering going private if there is no luck with the NHS (very likely) and told her the surgeon i'm thinking of going with so she said she's going to do her own research on him today, which really helped me as i feel like she's taking this more seriously now. xx

That is great new huni good luck and keep us all posted xxx

Awwww that's great Lumpy :thumbs: wish my mother was so understanding lol. xx

thanks :) i was really shocked to be honest though, its like shes either had a personality transplant or just given in! she did say however, that she still thinks i'm mad but she is coming round to the idea, especially as she can actually see the severity of the size difference and also seemed happier that i was trying the NHS route first as i think she's realising this is certainly not for vanity's sake, as I said to her, i'm not going to end up looking like Dolly Parton, i just want both boobs to look the same size!

I think that's the problem, most people hear the word boob job or breast aug and it's a pair of balloons that comes to mind.

There is so much stigma around having a BA and the press don't help with either reporting pictures of huge busted glamour models or horror stories, when you only have to come to forums such as ours to see that the majority of women just want to have a natural look. xx

yeah you're absolutely right, i cant believe the amount of people on here who are either like me or have another issue with their boobs i.e. empty boobs, flat chest, etc. it really is more common than you think and its nice to know im not alone in my boob op journey!

am hoping for a good outcome today at the GPs but have decided that i will aim towards having a private op done next year after I graduate if i cant get anywhere with the NHS route. ive put this off for too long now and i need to set a target to aim for, especially with getting funds together!! x

Well we're sending LOTS of luck from us all here babe! Hope everything goes well for you. xx

thank you so much! will check in tomorrow as have no internet access at home but im crossing fingers and toes lol! xx

Got mine crossed for you too! lol. xx

Hey, it looks like you're on the right lines to get this sorted anyway, but if you need any further help I thought I'd just pipe in and say I had an unsupportive mother too.

If we tried to talk about it, it would just escalate into an argument and then the whole topic became this massive issue in our household.

What worked for me was writing an email to me mum explaining clearly, and without raised voices, the reasons I wanted the surgery and the difference it would make to me. I also got an information CD sent to her (which is from the surgeon I went to, but not specific to him - just general information about BAs - link here if you're interested, its free! - [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] which helped to ease her concerns about my safety and the pain I would go through.

It's also important to listen to your mum's side. It may seem out of order to you but its only because she cares about you. I had to delay my op by about 6 months to get my mum "on side". She wanted to see my GP about it and have a consultation with my surgeon - but the wait was worth it considering the emotional and physical support she gave me throughout the actual process.

Good luck with it all hun!! I'm sure it will work out - it sounds like your making great progress already

I'm pleased to see your Mum is coming around lumpybumpy, it always makes these life changing decisions that little bit easier knowing we have the support of our loved ones.

At the end of the day though, with or without your Mum's approval this is a matter of your body and your happiness so it really isn't down to her whether this is right for you. I imagine she probably had a misconception of a boob job and expected you to turn into Jordan (personality and the lot lol), sometimes people who are happy with THEIR boobs don't quite understand how somebody may feel in your position. I too had asymmetric breasts (An A and a B) and I can totally 100% understand why you would want this done hunny so remember no matter what you will ALWAYS have women here who will support you and understand everything you go through.

Also good on you for putting a considerable amount of research in this, I think you've got a wonderful attitude towards a BA and it will all pay off in the end when you can finally be 100% confident with your body! x

hi mariaelaina and alice, thanks for your support, and thanks for the link to the BA info! I visited my GP yesterday, she was lovely but she said there's absolutely no chance of funding as they've cut right back and my PCT is in a deprived area so any funding is going on medical conditions (rightly so) so really I dont see there being any chance on the NHS route. I am going to start saving for a private op, hopefully with james mcdiarmid, but i've got my final year of my MBA in september so i want that out of the way without having to deal with recovery from surgery on top of that! plus it'll give me more time to save and conduct more research into BAs by the time I actually want to book.

i told my mother about what the GP said and she said at least I'd tried that route first and just to look at other options when i'm ready so she's definitely coming around but i think it'll take a bit of time to get her completely on board! xx

Sorry things didn't work out on the NHS lovely, but do wish you well with your saving. We had lots of women here who have saved hard for their BA and finally reached their targets, you will too Lumpbumpy and Mr McDiarmid is an excellent choice of surgeon, you'll be in very good hands there and from knowing Mr Mc here, he'll do his very best to help you achieve you're desired result when you're ready. xxx

thanks cookie :) i'm aiming for this time next year so will start saving hard. i've got some savings put away already so its a start. i will also consider finance options too if i'm short of what i need by the time i go for my consultation, i would imagine james mcdiarmid is quite expensive so not really sure of what to aim for, possibly around the £6,000 mark is what i'm imagining. does anyone know of anyone who has had breast surgery with him? xx