Hiding boobs from parents

I am getting breast augmentation in a couple months and was wondering if anyone else has been able to hide them from family. (I live at home) I am going from an AA to small C. Does anyone think I would be able to hide them under baggy clothes etc.?

You're gonna be just fine babe

Immediately after surgery your breasts are going to feel very full on the upper pole ( top part of your breasts) so its this you're going to need to hide as it can look quite strange for a while until your breasts drop and settle. Baggy tops will do that just fine. Your having a modest BA so I doubt you'll have too much trouble. Scarves/pashminas are also a godsend! You can just drape those over your boobs to keep them covered. They're very fashionable at the moment too so they wont look odd when you're wearing them.

You're going to feel quite uncomfortable for approximately a week after surgery, so you may want to come up with an excuse for that. A bad back is a good one as you may find for the first few day you're walking very gingerly and stooped. You'll also be taking pain meds which make you feel very tired too so that would also tie in with you having hurt your back. Sometimes the meds can make you feel sick so be prepared for that too lovely.

It would be better if you could have the support of your parents babe, but if you really don't feel you can talk to them then you at least have us sweetheart and we'll be there to help and guide you through.

And now after all of that let me give you a BIG welcome to BJSF! We've such a wonderful group here babe who are happy and willing to help all they can, so any fears, concerns or just general questions you might have, just fire away hun and there's always someone around to help.

If you'd like to add your surgery date to our calender so we can all send our good luck wishes your way for your special day, then simply post your details in the 'Calender Entries' forum and myself or one of our lovely mods will do the rest.

Lastly - CONGRATLATIONS on booking your surgery!

Enjoy the forum. Xx

Cookie is spot on with the bad back excuse! You'll need a reason to why you suddenly feel quite fragile!

As for hiding it I wouldn't worry too much, my Mum said had she not known she probably wouldn't have noticed! Prepare yourself before hand wearing gel filled bras or chicken fillets and you should ease smoothly into the transition!

Congratulations also, I think a BA is the best decision I've ever made and I'm sure you'll feel the same :D xx

I wudnt worry bout being able to hide it Hun. I have 520cc and can hide them easily

Only half my message came up???
Anyways congrats on booking Hun and good luck with ur surgery xxx

Just to confirm what the other girls have said. I went to see my parents yesterday wearing a strappy top (I didn't have cleavage out but I bent over to say hello to the dogs!) and they didn't say anything. I think they're less likely to notice because they totally wouldn't expect it from me.
Post BA I was fine, it was hard to me not to overdo it! And I didn't take any of my pain meds - they're safely stowed away in case i need them for something... lol

Thank you girls! This helps so much! The only thing I am worried about is that I am soo small to begin with (AA cup) that any size of an implant will be obvious. I am also skinny, about 5'7" 112 lbs. But I do wear huge padded bras all the time so no one knows my true cup size..lol
I will be staying with my boyfriend to recover for a full week so I won't be around my parents during the recovery phase. Do you girls think the back pain/discomfort will be better after a week or so I won't look weird around my parents?

You may still suffer some back pain going into the second week, but you should be over the hunched look by then. lol It's possible you may still have some discomfort too but you should be able to manage it by then.

As you're already wearing padded bras and the like already I'm sure you'll be just fine getting away with it, although do be aware of covering the upper pole of the breasts as they will be high for a good few weeks. xx

I think you'll be totally fine, I doubt your parents will have overly scrutinised the size of your boobs to be honest. And if they question an increase say you're just wearing chicken fillets and that they shouldn't be looking haha.

Do you not think you could tell your parents? I considered not doing but I knew my mum would be more upset if I hadn't told her. Of corse, you don't want to be put down for your decision by their views/concerns. But maybe they could be surprisingly supportive you never know. X

Im going to put this out there and& say hun maybe you shouldnt be hiding it from your parents?.....

As a parent myself and also having my own parents I feel that you really shouldnt be hiding this from them, its a big op, your going to hurt & you live with them so Id say your chances of hiding having a B.A are very slim

I dont Know what your reasons are for wanting to hide this from them but I could never go through with having a op myself with out my parents Knowing, it just seems wrong to me & if my daughter done that to me it would devistate me......

If you dont mind Id like to know your reasons for wanting to hide this from them?
xx

I could probably tell my mom, she would be ok with it. BUT I could definitely not tell my dad. He is totally and I mean totally against his children spending money on that sort of thing. And I think he would be even more upset that I spent money on something like that when I am living at home. My sister had hers done about 5 years ago ( she didn't live at home) and my dad noticed, although she did not do a very good job hiding it in tight shirts and tank tops..lol I want this soooooo bad that it is worth taking the risk. Im hoping going with a small implant will take time off recovery and hopefully they won't notice

tell your mum, even if you dont tell your dad maybe. I think youll her support

If you feel you can tell your mum babe then why not have a little chat with her? You may find it takes a whole load off your chest (no pun intended) lol.

Don't feel you 'have' to tell them though. If its not something you want to do then don't hun. I didn't tell my parents about my having a re-op 'cos quite frankly I didn't want them to know. As an adult I make my own decisions and whether I choose to share that decision with family or not is up to me just as any decisions you make sweetheart is up to you who you share with.

Have a little think about it babe and don't put any pressure on yourself. Whatever you think is best then do that hun. I'm a mother myself too and yes, I'd be hurt if my daughter didn't tell me such a life changing decision. But on the flip side I'd also try to understand her reasoning and as long as I know my daughter is happy in life then that makes me happy too. Xx

Its sounds to me from what you have said that there is no real reason not to tell your mum hun, she is your mum & Id understand if she would totally go up the wall & you felt it just wasnt option but from what you said it isnt like that........

For me personally id like to think my children regardless of how old they are would come to me for support at times like this & would think most mums would feel the same.... I think the reaction you will get if you lied to them & they found out would be alot worse then if you just told them what your were planning or at least your mum anyway.......

I would not encourage anyone to hide anything from their parents unless it was really going to to devistate their lifes by telling them and even then id like to think as a parent they could get over that & support there child .......

I dont Know maybe its my mothering instinks kicking in .....you just have to do what your happy to do

xx

Crystal is right, I think some Mothers will naturally put up defences, maybe try and discourage their daughter but it's all because they have your best interests at heart (or think they do).

Just explain it isn't up for negotiation, long term she will get over it a lot quicker than if she finds out you lied.

It really is your choice though and your happiness does come first, if you think it would cause a serious issue hide it, but if you think your Mum could be understanding tell her... You may well appreciate having her support when you're post BA! X

Crystal wrote:I think the reaction you will get if you lied to them & they found out would be alot worse then if you just told them what your were planning or at least your mum anyway.......

How is 'not' telling your parents something 'private' in your life lying to them?

Sorry but I wholeheartedly disagree babe. If she were underage I'd agree and say she had an obligation to tell her parents, but as a grown women it's absolutely her decision who she tells and she should carry no guilt whatsoever in her choice if that's the one she chooses to make.

As a mother there comes a time when we all have to let our children go and let them make their own way in the world, make their own decisions and choose their own path in life.

If a grown woman 'wants' to discuss 'private matters' with her mother that's up to her, if not, that's up to her too and in not telling her mother, there is no lie whatsoever, just a grown up decision to make a choice that will affect her life, not her mothers. xx

I agree Cookie, though I also agree with crystal to a point, if your parents felt you deliberately deceived them, they'd be upset.

I can't imagine any mum saying 'have you had a boob job?' as soon as you've had it done (unless it was a massive difference that floaty tops cant help cover) and if they say it after you're all healed up you can just say 'yeah, I love them and they've made me so happy' (or something similar), if you don't want to actively lie.

I haven't told any of my family and I know when (if) they find out I'll have to explain why and I know my step-dad would totally disagree with the whole principle. But, I've done it and I'm happy and after a few days they'd let it go and be normal again :)

luluthefirst wrote:I agree Cookie, though I also agree with crystal to a point, if your parents felt you deliberately deceived them, they'd be upset.

If a parent told their 33 year old daughter she deliberately 'deceived' them by not telling them she'd had a BA I'd think there was something wrong with them. LOL

Sure as a mother you might be a little upset your daughter didn't feel it could be discussed with you, but as a mother you also know when the apron strings have been cut and learn to respect your daughters decisions as an adult..... even those you're not involved in. xx

I don't really think there is a right or wrong in this, I think it's down to the individuals and their relationships.

If a parent was to try and discourage or go against their daughter for having a BA well poor by them I say! As long as the person is doing it for the right reasons and has done her research it shouldn't be up for discussion or debate with anyone except the surgeon!

Although I think most parents would want to support their child no matter what age and I think MY Mother would have been devestated if she thought I couldnt confide such an important, lifechanging decision in her! I too was worried about telling my Mum, i thought she would tell me I'm fine as I am, its my body I can deal with the consequences etc but she didnt, she 100% supported me as an adult capable of making my own choices. She helped with research, partly for her own sanity I'm sure haha.

I'm sure you Cookie were happy you felt your daughter could be open and honest with you when she was pondering on the idea of a BA, and you were able to offer her support (including coming on here) which enabled her to make up her own mind that she didn't actually want a BA after all. Possibly if she hadn't had your support she would have come to other conclusions who knows

Call me old fashioned, but I think the relationship with a Mother and daughter should always be totally honest, upfront and supportive... She should want the best for you whether she agree's with it or not, and as an adult she should respect whatever decisions you make and be there to hold your hand along the way. That being said, I'm not a Mother myself, so I don't know how I would feel if my daughter was undergoing elective surgery.. I only know from my own experiences which I would prefer!x

I will point out though that while I did have my Mum's support I asked her to stay at home while I went to Manchester for my op - I felt this was something I could deal with better by myself... Had she of been there I'd have felt the need to lean on her but by going by myself I had to 'man up' and get on with the decision I'd made like an adult! So I do understand where you're coming from Cookie, it's an adult's decision, your body and you deal with the pain, consequences and take on the risks yourself!

It's just a case of mutual respect maybe!

Ok rant over, *goes and gets a life* x

altw wrote:I'm sure you Cookie were happy you felt your daughter could be open and honest with you when she was pondering on the idea of a BA, and you were able to offer her support (including coming on here) which enabled her to make up her own mind that she didn't actually want a BA after all. Possibly if she hadn't had your support she would have come to other conclusions who knows

Well, I wouldn't say happy LOL, the girls who were around at that time will freely tell you what a struggle I had with that. I thought her body was perfect as it was, but then I had to bite my lip and go with whatever made 'her' happy and not me which was why I directed her here. If she'd had gone and had a BA because it was something she felt was right for 'her' without talking to me, I'd have still bitten my lip as long it made 'her' happy.

She's made other big decisions since then, some I've been happy for her, others I've thought... Hmmmmm I could have helped with that if she'd have only asked me, but I keep my lip firmly buttoned, because I have experience of a very overpowering mother who still, even with me being aged 43 years of age feels she holds the rights to any decision I make in my life - She doesn't and neither do I in my daughters.

Maybe that makes me a bad parent? I don't know, but happiness in my childrens lives means so much more to me than whether or not they felt they 'had' include me in something that affected 'them' and only 'them'.... Infact thinking about it I'd actually feel more upset if my kids felt 'pressured' into including me in every big decision they were to make.

Call me old fashioned, but I think the relationship with a Mother and daughter should always be totally honest, upfront and supportive... She should want the best for you whether she agree's with it or not, and as an adult she should respect whatever decisions you make and be there to hold your hand along the way. That being said, I'm not a Mother myself, so I don't know how I would feel if my daughter was undergoing elective surgery.. I only know from my own experiences which I would prefer!x

I'm lucky I do have that relationship with my daughter, but other women aren't so lucky and I just don't feel any woman wanting a BA should have a guilt trip landed on them simply because they choose not to tell their parents

Its ok to not agree cookie we are all have our own views on what we think is right :flowers: .....

Like I said before as a mum & being very close to my mum I personally feel Its something that is so important that I could not have a major op & not tell my parents, maybe thats because Im so close to them & yes I would feel like I was lieing to them or hiding it from them what ever way you want to put it............& thats how I felt at the age of 27 even when I didnt live at home, for me its also a respect thing but again thats just how I am.......even if they didnt support meid would have still told them as they are my parents & I would rather that then feel worried about them finding out as my parents would have gone up the wall, they would have been devisted.........

I guess it also boils down to how close you are to your parents & how much it would hurt them if they found out about your b.a which again mybe some people have hidden theirs well from people but my parents would notice if I gained a few cup sizes even more so if I lived under there roof...but maybe thats just because were so close, I get changed in front of my mum if we go clothes shopping so its not like she wouldnt notice then lol and I have even had my bras hanging out to dry when the mother in law came around who walked straight over as picked it up asking whos bra it was ( and yes I would lie to her as she is not my mum) but if I done that to my mum & dad & they found out yes it would devisted them but again not all parents are like mine......

I also understand that some people are not so close to their parents & could never tell the as they would never come to terms with it but in my opinion if there is a small chance your parents would understand & support you then you should tell them, its better then them finding out you did it with out them Knowing.......

At the end of the day maybe im old fashioned to but I also think the relationship with a Mother and daughter should always be totally honest, upfront & im like that with my dad to.......he was one of the 1st people i turned to for support ..........

And as a mum myself if my own daughter done that to me id be devisted, id like to think she would come to me for ANYTHING & id help & support her regardless if I could, if she wanted a op Id want to Know about it and help her through it, It would hurt me if she felt she couldnt tell me.........and thats nothing to do with a child or a persons age I dont think you every grow out of being this way with your mum, well I have not at 29 years old! lol

xx



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And I also wouldnt say wanting to help your child or at the very least being told that they are having a major op as being a over powering mother...........but again thats just how I feel

and hun I most definatley do not think your a bad parent!, we all Know how fab you are cookie!!! :flowers:

xx

But that's YOU babe.... I too am LUCKY to have a very open relationship with my daughter. But 'here' on a BA forum, I also understand there are women that don't have that relationship, for whatever reason that might be. That's not our business and being told you're lying and deceiving just because you made a choice not to tell mum and feeling pressured into telling parents is just wrong in my opinion. Afterall, this is a 'support forum' and we should support 'womens' decisions, not making them feel like they're doing something wrong, because they're absolutely not. xx

I can't multiquote and I'd be here forever copying and pasting the right bits so bare with me here...

I don't think it makes you at all a bad Mother to let your daughter make her own decisions! My Mum has given me the freedom long before I was 18 to make my own decisions AND mistakes in life, we always had the agreement I could talk to her about absolutely anything and she would always be there for me. She's had to grin and bear some pretty bad parts of my life, but I've never kept anything from her and I believe our relationship is 100 times stronger for that. In that case I've also been there, done that, got the tshirt and got over it! I've lived and learned a lot for a 24 year old and feel independent for it. I didn't ever need my Mothers approval, it was just how our relationship worked that I tell her these things... She's never failed me yet!

But like I say that's MY relationship with MY mum and certainly isn't the case for everyone!

I can totally understand your views if your Mother continues to be over powering and not giving you your freedom to make your own decisions, especially as you're a married woman with children of your own! But it's clearly something you learnt from, as you are capable of giving your own daughter by giving her freedom and offering the best support you could, even if it is directing her here... No matter how difficult it may have been!

Like I said, there is no wrong or right... It all boils down to our individual relationships!

If I thought my Mother wouldn't speak to me for weeks because of my decision to have a BA she certainly wouldn't have had a right to know about it.x