Lack of support from family members

Hi there!
I'm a 19 year old student and I've always been self conscious of my small chest, ever since I was about 14. My mum and sister both have a fuller bust (around a D cup) so I thought I'd eventually get some but alas I've stayed a 34 A since I was 12. I have the money to get a breast enlargement, however I don't have the support of my mother and sister in getting one as they think it's a waste of money, and my boyfriend isn't too keen on the idea either. I don't know quite what to do in this situation... I am quite comfortable to go and have a consultation on my own but I don't want to feel like a disappointment to my family if I do decide to go ahead with surgery. Has anyone else had a lack of support from people that mean a lot to you? I need to know how to not feel guilty about giving myself a bit of self esteem! 
Thanks, Tillie  

Tillie, it's horrible you've not got any support, but have you spoken to any of your close friends about you wanting a ba, have you tried sitting your mom and sis down and really explaining how this effects you emotionally physically etc, my fiancé wasn't keen but I sat him down and told him how horrible I've felt about my body all my life etc after that he was ok with it, I went to my consultations on my own, but my best mate was with me on the day of op, at the end of the day it's your body tillie and your choice, but maybe sitting down together may give them the insight into why you want it done and give them a chance to say why there against it, think your find it's because they love you and would worry about you having op etc, talking aways helps xx

Welcome Tillie!   

Like you, I had lack of support from my boyfriend and also my dad but I was lucky enough to have support from my mum. May's quite right in what she said- sitting down and talking about it properly is a big helper and certainly made my situation much easier. At the end of the day though, you're an adult and it's your money so it's up to you what you want to spend it on. I've spoken to people who have or haven't done something because they didn't have their parents approval and they ended up resenting them for it. You need to do what's best for YOU lovely :) xx

Big hugs Tilliex. Really hope they come around. My mum always knew I wanted one. But when I told her I was going for it. At first she wasn't how I wanted. But once I explain again how it'd change my life and how much I meant she was on board. She's as excited as me now! Xx

Hello and welcome to Breast Buddies Tilliex   

I'm sorry you don't have the support that would be nice to have around this time hun   But you don't 'need' their support. You CAN do this without them if this is what you want. 

Having a BA is a very personal journey and as an adult able to make decisions concerning yourself that will have no impact than anyone but you I think you should personally put the people who aren't willing to support you aside whilst you focus on you and your needs Tilliex. 

Once you've made your decision you can then discuss it with your loved ones hun... What's most important is RESEARCH and if your family and boyfriend see that you have put so much time into ensuring you do this right, maybe they'll come around and support you? I don't know... But if they don't, that's fine. They're allowed an opinion and if it differs yours, if course you'll have to deal with that, but it doesn't change the fact that you can go ahead with this regardless.

I was very much in the same position as you myself when I had my first BA. 

My mum and younger sister were both very blessed in the booby department. Infact I'm sure I left my share in the womb for my sister to collect lol and when I told them too that I wanted to have a BA, they went through everything with me. Why would I want to look like Jordan? What's wrong with the boobs I have? You'll have them and regret it. They'd feel ashamed if me...along with so much more

I had every scaremongering article under the sun printed out and placed before me within two day! They literally wouldn't let up and I had to deal with that right up until I had my BA.

My husband too 'loved me just the way I was' and didn't want me to have surgery to change. He is very against elective surgery and did try to talk me out if this too.

But my mind was made up. I was positive there was no going back for me once I had made up my mind and once my husband saw how important this was to me, although he didn't support my having a BA, he did support the fact that it was my decision and if made it happy he would stand by me and he's been amazing.

But if it had been the other way Tilliex I'd have still had a BA. This surgery is something that going to change YOU, so its you and only you that can know if this is the right thing for you or not.

If you haven't already gone to any consultations, maybe make some appointments to see some surgeons 'you've reasearched'  and take things from there. Gather all the information YOU need hun and if those you love still don't feel they can support you if this is something you do decide on, then you will have all the support you need here to help and guide you through. Xx

Thanks for all the replies, guys! Had a talk with my boyfriend about why I wanted one, his response was along the lines of 'I don't think you need one but I'll come along with you if you want'. I suppose that's better than nothing! I've spoken to my mum a few times before and her response has always been one of disapproval... I think she'll never come around to the idea fully until I've had breast implants for a year! I'll take myself along to a few consultations in the new year, and begin doing it for myself rather than suffer in silence and be unhappy, thanks again :)
Tillie x

Awww sorry to hear that Hun, I've always been lucky having the support of my mum and sisters and family, however As our lovley cookie said research have consulations and arm them with knowledge. ! 

Most people are totally ignorant to either why we want a ba and to what it actually involves. The generals perception is Jordan wannabes and having having 2blown up balls on your chest. (Don't get me wrong that's the look I've gone for this time! ) however i can assure you they probably wouldn't even be able to tell some ladies Bas with how natural a result you can get .

Hunny, you only get one life and for me (and I'm sure all the ladies here) it's the best thing I ever did. 
You need to do what makes you happy xxx

Hi Tillie

Unfortunately, its a story we hear here all too often. Theres still such taboo around the subject, that everyone immediately thinks you're doing it for the attention, you want to look like Jordan and have mahoosive bangers. But its soo not the case. Its incredibly difficult for others to see it from our perspective. Which is why we offer the support and advice here that we can.

Everyone in my life has always known Ive wanted one, as I was naturally pancake flat. So I had a lot of support from my friends. Hubby was worried, the usual 'I love you as you are'. I think what hurt the most though, is that my mom didn't care, and behaved like a child when she found out (nya nya, I found your secret - uh, it wasn't a secret). Everyone will react differently. The best thing you can arm yourself with is knowledge. Do your research, go to consultations, find your surgeon, try on the sizes. And then remember at the end of the day - Its your body, no one elses, and you decide what you want to do with it and how you want to spend your money.

Best of luck on your booby journey :) xx

Hey Tillie. I fully understand your frustration about this and how upsetting it is. The first time I was researching surgery and went for a couple of consultations I was 19 too, and didn't really have any support. No one seemed to understand why I wanted it and my mum saw it as an unnecessary risk, as she didn't really have much knowledge on it and wasn't really interested. Now i'm nearly 23, and have the full support from my parents and new boyfriend. They've even help pay for it. So much has changed in those 3 years and they have seen just how much having this surgery means to me and how persistent I have been about wanting it, and also the positive change it will make to my life. The biggest factor in their change of heart, I think anyway, is when my dad was diagnosed with Leukemia. These awful things prove how life really is too short to not do the things you want.  My advice would be to sit down and have a real heart to heart with your mum, this is your decision to make a change to your life that you feel will improve it. You're not hurting anyone or doing anything bad, it's a personal change that you want for yourself. I understand how much the support of family means. Hope they can come round to the idea of it for you hun. Sending big hugs to you.xx

Oh my goodness!!!
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FELT 6 MONHS AGO!
My mum and sister both have DD chests.. I have a non existent AA. I told my mum and sister that I wanted a boob job (bare in mind i approached them both very seriously) and they both completely tore my idea to pieces. They told me that it was RIDICULOUS, DANGEROUS, A WASTE OF MONEY, PATHETIC ETC...
I was in tears for weeks because i didn't want to go ahead with such a big decision when i knew i had no support behind me. It killed me to know my mum felt so strongly against it! At times, i even saw my mum crying because she knew how much i wanted it but she was just so worried for me.
Eventually, after three months of persisting with her and showing my depression, she eventually agreed to go to a consultation with me at Transform. Karen, the coordinator, was absolutely fantastic and did a fabulous job in reassuring my mum of the minor risks of surgery and the great advantages of having breast surgery. My mum was still very, very worried, and still is, but she has accepted that this is what i need to do in order to feel at ease and happy with myself. (I haven't ever had a boyfriend due to confidence issues).

I'm having my surgery in 3 days and my mum is still extremely worried!! (She isn't sleeping due to nerves and anxiety about the surgery) but she has accepted it and supported me all the way.


It was a long process and very time-consuming trying to persuade her but i've done it!! And my sister is extremely supportive of me too! Even my dad is behind me!

The day i first told my mum = Mum was completely against it! I never thought she would come around!

After weeks of persuasion and reassurance and evidence of surgeries = Mum is extremely supportive and happy for me!

So please, please, please, don't be disheartened by your mum's negative attitude, along with your sister's and boyfriend's.. They WILL come around if they love you! If this is somehing you deeply want and need in order to achieve self-satisfaction and ease, then you absolutely have to go ahead with it!

The trick is to let your family know that you're going to go through with it, with or without there support! After time, they will think on it and empathise with how YOU feel about YOURSELF!

You are your own person and this is YOUR decision! Please go with your heart!
I wish you all the best of luck, babe! I'm sorry you have found yourself in this position, too.

Keep me posted.. Message me if you like! I'm hear if you need advice, guidance or support regarding approaching your family on the issues.

Chin up, honey, good luck xxxxxxx

Hi Tillie,

I choose not to tell any of my family apart from my 2sisters and husband as I had the same worry, not just that, my mum had a mastectomy after having breast cancer 5years ago and decided not have reconstruction and I just think if she knew it would be really awkward. Obviously my situation is a bit different to yours, because I'm guessing you've told them your considering it, whereas I didn't tell them I've just kept it from them and I see it as a little white lie, I can't imagine them noticing as I never have my boobs on display apart from when I'm wearing a bikini on hols but if they did and asked the question, I wouldn't lie to them. 

It's a decision I've made for myself, my body and my money and its got little to do with anyone else and I'm so glad I have gone through with it, I had so many doubts to start, like you, and now I can't imagine not having it done. 

I hope you find the right decision for you and I hope it's not too stressful. Just do want you want, it's your body and you don't want to regret doing something because of others, if its what you want. Xx

Hi Tillie.. I can sympathise with you and understand what you are going through. My husband supported me (because our marriage was on the rocks)... I booked surgery and paid for it and he decided to change his mind.. I have support from bf, mum, sisters (one of which had breast cancer, breast also removed) but he, like many others thought I wanted to look like Jordan. Called me names, told people about how selfish I was (people I hadn't told and wouldn't have told) basically made my life unbearable.. (Posted on this forum).. Threatened divorce if I went ahead.. I have a beautiful son(aged 9) , and husband told him and told him how selfish i was(so that I could feel guilty).i was so so upset . Telling our 9 year old son... He luckily wasn't listening and didn't ask any questions however I was horrified.. So to cut a long story short, I had the support (which was clearly a ploy not to leave him) until I booked and paid.. Update is that I'm going in for my BA today.. He threatened divorce called me terrible names and basically made my life unbearable but I have not backed down. I know the risks, but I also know the benefits.. For me, I don't have a flat chest and I really sympathise with girls who do. I have lost volume and feel my breasts are quite empty. Breast feeding, age etc... I have lost loads of confidence through my marriage and trying to get it back for me, not him, not anyone else.. He thinks I'm doing this to get attention from other men.. My answer to that is " I don't need BA for that".. He's still saying he will leave me but that really isn't my problem.. I know people reading this May feel that's a strange statement however if he loved me at all he would support me.. I have and would support him in everything he does or wants to do, and if he wants to leave me then he knows where the door is.. I'm not putting my BA before him, I'm putting myself before him, for a change.. 
He also said "I will look disgusting".. I could see the force of it if I was smelly, obesely overweight, and didn't take care of myself but I'm the opposite and make the most of what I have.. 
As the other girls have said, you have to make the right decision for you babe no one else. Would you tell people how to live their life? Probably not so why should people do it with you?... You will get the support, but if not then that's what we're here for xx good luck and hope my story can offer you some inspiration lol  

Oh my god Wonder Woman, I didn't know this about you, I feel so sad that you haven't had his support. Is there anyone else at the hospital with you today? I hope you have others support and I really respect you for making that decision despite the potential consequences. You should do it for you, and you only. Hope the BA goes well today. Big hugs xxx

I guess I'm quite lucky after reading your post, Wonderwoman1 :( Hope everything did go/does go well today for you though! You deserve it after that story :(

Just an update from me: I've booked a consultation with Dr. James McDiarmid for January 21st in Plymouth, I'll try and drag my mum along to it with me so she can see how much it means to me. I think, like tigertonix mentioned, my mum might just be worried about the possible dangers involved. Thank you all for giving a kick up the backside to start doing something about how I feel about my chest :) It means a lot (And I know that even if my mum is horrified and hates me for a while, I'll have support on this website :))
Tillie xxx

Ooooo we LOVE Mr McDiarmid here. Please tell him Breast Buddies says hello and we miss him for us won't you babe.

Excellent choice of surgeon Tilliex, with an excellent reputation. Hopefully your mum will come around babe and go with you    Xx

I'll pass it on! :P I'm very excited to see what he can do for me :) 
xxx

I bet you are! Its a really exciting time once you've made you're decision and start the consultation process. 

If you'd like Breast Buddies consultation notebook to take with you Tilliex (it contains every question imaginable to ask) I can get that emailed to you babe. 

The only question it doesn't include is about ASC insurance so do be sure to write that down to ask him. 

Its a pretty new insurance only available to BAAPS members and for a small fee (around £100-£200) you could get an additional 2 years cover which starts 'after' the clinics aftercare runs out which is a fantastic offer if James has opted into it. So do be sure to add that to your questions babe. Xx

hey Hun - come here   

Its all been said above - so i wont repeat it ..

My OH and I broke up on the day of my last consultation - and we have not spoken since that day!

I didnt tell my mum (and i have no intentions of telling), I told my bros (no sisters) after my BA.. I inherited my 'no boobs' from my mum - exact shape and size only she is bigger - so her comment will be - i have had exactly the same and coped why cant you and next it will be a waste of money etc .. also then its culture or this or that..

My lil bro calls mi - sis with jugs now - looool!!!

I am now post ba - she has not seen it and wont be - except from afar (i have no plans of sharing a room or bathroom with her anymore - to hide my secrets) and I wont be answering any questions either ...

I decided that for myself!!!

This is not about BA - its alot more than that - we (dolls on here) are regular ladies/ single / wives / mothers / working class ..

I have been here a little while and i am yet to find a 'jordan' or 'victoria beckham' atitude or life - we are just regular chicks who have had / or having BAs cos we want it for our personal journey!!!

Take a look at the boobie diaries - so many different journeys there - sad / happy / exotic / etc - all the works - its in there ..

SO a BA is not about the implant or the PS or etc - the main decision stems from within us to make this 'dramatic' alteration to our entire lives - cos that's what this will do!!

I had rice boobie test (and i immediately started to walk differently) - now I have the real stuff - my thought is changing - my dressing will be altered for life and my mindset and confidence is sky rocketing (i am only 15 days post ops) not even in anything fancy yet or let the twinnies out yet!!!

Its up to you - LizzeLou struck a major chord just now with me - life is only for living once and for yourself only..

Make the best decision for yourself - it doesnt mean you hate them and you dont have to get into enemity over it.

Be the 'more matured' lady and take the talk - but do what makes you happy - regardless love them the most - cos they are genuinely worried (that's why they dont want you to have it) - but they never can tell how you truly feel deep inside!!!

All the best hun - whichever way you decide - we will be here to walk the walk with ya!!!!!!

Welcome aboard!!!

Hey Tillie, Mrs B... Thank you for your kind words.. I think Tillie that your mum will come around. She will be worried about you and won't want anything to happen to you, which it won't. My op went really great yesterday despite hubby being horrible to me.. I cancelled date 3 times because it didn't suit him... He had to drive me there yesterday and bring me home which was a horrible experience for me because he was horrible about having to drive me, but op was a breeze.. Got Local anaesthetic with sedation.. I was so nervous (my post whoop whoop - yesterday) but honestly i was so relaxed and did not feel a thing.. Op was at 11.30, I was out at 3.30 feeling good.. I had 2 painkillers yesterday at 1.15 and didn't need anymore until bedtime. Got home last night about 5 and did sons homework with him, ironing, put wee one to bed, did normal things and was great because I didn't have effects of GA. Have managed to sleep slightly raised for 5 hours.. Have woken up with a little pain however it is bearable and not what I expected at all.. Everyone's experience will be different babe, but my point is really that you have to remember your reasons for wanting this.. Take everyone else out the equation and focus on you. It's easy (and would have been a lot easier for me) to put others first and do what they want but you would just end up with resentment and probably wishing you had gone ahead with it.. It's such a big decision and you need to have support from people you love.. I was scared to tell my mum because my sister lost a breast to cancer 3 years ago. I sat my mum down and explained to her what i was doing and she was really cool about it all.. I didn't want to upset her but knew I would have upset her more if I kept it from her.. This experience should be a happy one and not be marred by other peoples peceptions.. This is your body and your life and I'm sure your mum will be there 100% to support you.. Keep her updated, even take her with you to see surgeon and explain to her you want to take her so that she can ask her own questions.. This will make her feel a big part of it all. I'm sorry to be going on about my situation but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone and I feel it's always nice to share similar experiences.. Take it easy and try to enjoy what should be a really happy time for you... Xxx