I feel so guilty

I shoul dbe sining from the roof tops today.

I went for my pre-op visit with the nurse today. I was so excited and armed with the £3000 in cash remaining balance to pay.
I almost trew up when I handed over the money, I kept thinking on my eldest (12) who is in bad need of braces, and the car loan that could have been paid off with that money.
I cried most of the way home, and feel terrible. I saved hard for this, no one was deprived of anything to save the money, and I have so badly wanted this for years.
It's not like im tight with my cash, if I have it, I spend it, Just have never spent this amount on my self before.

I cant understand now why I want to cancel it and get my cash back.

Is this normal, or am I just so badly sleep deprived thinking about my new boobies.
*Moan Over*

Yes this is completly normal hun I felt the same way.. My money was inheritance and after I had had the lounge done bought 2 new cars and the kids clothes toys ect even a holiday I decided it was now my turn for something, It took me just over a year to actually go thro with it tho had it all sorted last year but backed out when it came to payment... Well this time I made my hubby go in and pay for me as I knew I wouldnt be able to do it... Even now I feel bad lol. Having said that Im loving my figure now and am very happy so far ! x x x

It's VERY normal!

I think when you become a mother, instinctively you get used to putting yourself at the bottom of the pile, kids always come first and then the other half and the little time or money you have left might go toward the little things you might need in life.

This is one time you're putting yourself first and every instinct in your body is shouting telling you you should be bottom as usual, but let me tell you gorgeous, the HARDEST part of your BA journey is now over! Handing over that money that goes round and round in your head all the things it could be spent on is the most difficult thing of this journey you're gonna do.

It's all uphill from here on in. Tonight, you'll sit there, the surgery is paid and slowly you're anxieties will be replaced by excitedness and you'll realise that just sometimes we mums should put ourselves first!

It's said a happy mother makes happy children, so effectively doing this to make you happy will benefit all! How good is that! haha!

Put it in the back of you're mind lovely, I felt exactly the same too, but I also know that I'm as important as anybody else in my family, no-one goes without and yes, it's money that could be spent on other things but just this one time, it's all about ME!

You enjoy these last 9 days babe! you've nothing at all to be feeling guilty about. xx

Thanks very much, I know I am just being silly.

BTW Cookie, what a lovely reply, you have made me cry again...Normally not an easy thing to do! So glad I found this forum, you all are little stars x

xx

It's said a happy mother makes happy children, so effectively doing this to make you happy will benefit all! How good is that! haha!

totally agree with that..... i had a lot of very long talks with msyelf about spending the money and went over my budget a bilion times but ultimately, i felt like, it was going to be ok and that i would feel so happy and energized afterwards that i would have even new energy to deal with my other things in life, and really thats exactly how its been. // only you know your own budget but sometimes the time -is- right to put yourself first.

honestly it was a huge financial leap for me and theres still not a minute i dont feel its the best thing i ever did for myself.

dont feel guilty hun, I am in the exact same postion ... my way of thinking is that I have done everything for my family over the years, they have ALWAYS come first. I was going to to this 4 years ago, took a loan to do and felt sooooo guilty i ended up using the money for a family holiday and to pay off our credit card.
There comes a time when we need something for ourselves, my family are so happy for me ... my 11 year old son has even done the hoovering for me since they were done lol not sure how long that will last tho. xxx

Tillie,
I completely understand why you feel this way.
About 3/4 of my money came from a savings account me and my brother jointly saved into since we were little children. I felt guilty because I always told myself that I would always keep that money and use it only for the most rainy of days, and now I've blown it on boobs, LOL!
Well, it did help that my brother had previously withdrawn his part to buy a flashy car, so I almost felt entitled to use MY part on something equally selfish! Yes, paying the balance was hard. But the final moments of hesitation are an insignificant blink compared to the long time spent wanting it, saving, planning for it and imagining it.
Now, this is not as emotionally charged as taking money potentially away from your children (I don't have any), but you have to remember this:
You have wanted this for a long time. You have saved and saved and saved. If you hadn't wanted it, you may not even have saved. You may have blown it on cigarettes (4k on fags over a few years? Easily!), some unnecessary gadget or most probably you wouldn't have it and wouldn't know where it had gone, swallowed up by days and years of slightly less thrifty shopping.
You had this in mind and this is what motivated you. You deserve it. But the most important thing is this: You are doing this to improve your confidence. Having your children grow up with a mother with lots of confidence is the biggest advantage you could give them, perhaps even more than a top uni! If this will make you more confident, smily, and happy in your own skin, your kids will soak it up. Likewise, if you were miserable and self-conscious they will soak this up too. It's not psycho-babble - it's true! I do not believe that the best parents are those who sacrifice all - I believe the best are those who are able to retain their own wants and needs without losing their own identities in the blur of parenthood, while at the same time encouraging their children to do the same.
You should go for it and enjoy every bit of your new looks afterwards without guilt, remember you are making an investment to look better for the rest of your life, it may not be measurable but boy you can feel it.
I wish you the best of luck for your upcoming surgery!!
XXXX
Danni

I think all the ladies have said it all but just want to add that I am so much happier now. I've had a reop and been saving hard and yes there are other things I could've spent it on for my kids but they don't do badly and I was so unhappy. I had to have a reop and now I have had it it's like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Once again I'm not a naggy unhappy Mum I'm a fun filled Mum who feels good about herself again :-) Enjoy the lead up to your boobs and put these thoughts out of your head. It will soon be Xmas and you'll be going without to ensure your kids have all their hearts could desire xxxxxx

Thanks everyone for all your kids words and support.
Delighted to report that I'm back on cloud 9 today and can't wait for this time next week.
Thank you all so much xxx

weyhey! great to read this Tillie! 8 days to go now!!

sometimes its important to treat yourself and you shouldnt feel guilty. The girls have covered everything pretty much,. so just stop feeling guilty and get excited!! you deserve it!! :)
xxx