Boyfriend

Good luck iampetite, stick to what you believe is the right thing for you. Remember boobs are for life and boyfriends may come and go. I don't mean that in a jokey way and I don't know your age, but you will flourish with your new confidence and hopefully he will enjoy the new confidence you will have and won't punish you for it.

We're all thinking of you xxx

Good Luck x

I do hope everything works out for you hunnie
xx

Hope you get it all worked out. Just remember "it's what you want that counts" He should not be making you choose between him or your own wishes. if he really cares for you he will put his feeling a side and be there for you no matter what.
BEST OF LUCK GIRL!

I know as the time got closer to my BA my OH started to get a bit weird and cranky about it even though he was soooooo supportive before, and I posted on here about it and a lot of the other girls has said their partners had been similar, so I think that a lot of men find it hard to have their loved ones go thought operations and such, as well as it being boobs and most persons perceptions of getting implants are huge porn star boobs, and it is so far from the truth for most of us.

On the other hand though, when you are in a relationship we are suppose to support our partners especially if it is something that we are doing to better ourselves and make our selves happier. You obvioulsy want this hun, and you deserve it, he has no right at all making you feel bad about it. Please dont let him guilt you into doubting yourself, this is his issue and he will have to find a way to cope.

I also have a sneeking suspision that he will be pleasantly surprised once they are done.

Take care hun, and you do what makes you happy!! :flowers:

My boyfriend doesn't want me to get mine done either, so i really feel for you, but I'v decided that I want to feel happy with myself, it is something iv wanted for ages and I'm going to go for it! Its my body!

I sat down had explained exactly why i wanted it done and made him see that even though he didn't think I needed to change my boobs, I need to do it for myself. After a really long talk he is much more understanding, and actually quite supportive, and this is why i know that he is someone i want to be with.
If your BF doesn't stand by through the hard times then he is not worth it!
Anyway when he sees them i bet he will change his tune!!
Hope everything turns out well for you, keep us posted!! xxxxxxxx

Hey girls (update)

So we finally had our chat and he explains that he really disapproves of plastic surgery and breast implants and it so much more to it than just his insecurities. He might sound like a cover up, but he is not a person to lie. He has always been truthful and I do believe him when he says that. He explained that it was like an issue of abortion for him.

So I brought up the issue that if he love him he would be there and support me through this big decision that will better my life. He than explained that he is trying so hard to support me (hence why were still together after talking about it for a year now) but he also wants me to understand that this is so against his morals and values. He says he know that I want him to be there but he want me to know that he is giving a lot as well because he highly disagrees with this process. And that has nothing to do with his insecurities.

So currently we are back to where we were before. He will be there by my side through my healing process because he loves me. But he doesn't know if our relationship will last in the future.

I hate how it already has an expectation that it might not work in the future. I just wish that he will just be by my side and hope for the best instead of telling me that it might not work already even before I get them done. ( he might get turned off by implants )

It seems like it is a big issue for him and it is for me. How we are on completely different sides of the table.

Well, I guess this is sort of an example of why we have relationships before we marry... its important to go through things and see how you both feel and react to the situations. I am not saying you shouldnt be together at all hun, and i think its great he is going to be there through it. But try not to get hung up on the what ifs of the future together, because really you could be saying the same thing to him, that you dont know if you will last in the future because he is not supporting your happiness how you hoped he would.
In all relationships there are issues we will be on different sides of the table, and that is important, we cant all be the same, it just a matter of accepting each others decisions because we see "their" reason behind it.
If you want this hun, you do it! It appears he is trying so that is good, and remember this is his issue to try and cope because you are not doing anything wrong. xx

Hey sarahdawn, thank you for the quick reply. I completely agree with you that we're not all the same and it's about accepting each other. I also believe comprising is very important as well.

Thanks for reminding me of it and I'll stand by what I want.

well said sarahdawn :-)

Iampetite I hope you stand by your decision only because I remember only too well how I hated my body before my first BA and that having boobs for the first time not only changed my body it changed my life. I hope your relationship stands the test this has thrown you and if it doesn't then you know it was because it wasn't meant to be and not because of your decision to better yourself. Good luck hun xxxx

He might very well get turned off by bigger implants, but you aren't going for that look... you are going for a completely natural 'smaller' size, to be honest he probably wouldn't have even known if you had already had it done 4 years ago.
He fell in love with you for WHO you are, not because of what you look like. That's like saying I wouldn't love my OH if he got obese, of course I would, it's not really a turn on for me, but I love him regardless of his shape and size.
I hope he understands that you are still you, and you are allowed to do whatever you want with your own body.
Keep us posted hun xx

Hey hun just been reading through your post. I really hope you do completely go through with it when your date comes. I understand your concern but im sure you wanted this evem before you guys were together. Please do not change your mind to make him happy. I feel as though he is being selfish question how it may be after the operation, even knowing how happy you will be. I had a similar situation and was togrther for 4years. I thought he was my future but all changed now. Yes i was upset but it changed for the good and i couldnt be happier. But what i did realise was my partner now supports my descision as he wants nothing but happiness for me. Yes their are risks etc but your happiness should come first hun.

I hope after he will realise this is for you and not for ppl to admire you. Do what makes you happy and i hope he will continue to be their for you.

Xx

Hey Iampetite,

I agree with what the girls have already said and I totally agree with them.

It's not like you have considered having them on a whim, you've thought about doing it for years and you didn't do it back then for your bf but it hasn't made you more comfortable with not having boobs, just tell him that you've already made the compromise for him and put your relationship first but you are still not happy so it's his turn to compromise in the relationship and want to make you happy.

Hope he'll change his mind after he sees the change in your confidence x

Sorry to hear you both have conflicting opinions it must be hard when you need the support. I hope its a difference you can overcome but if this is something you really want then if it was me I coudn't let someone elses opinion stand in my way. I would go ahead with the surgery and hope that your partner will see the good it does for you and appreciate that in all relationships there has to be compromise and that is a two way street. If you don't you may be left wondering what else you will have to compromise because of his values in the future. x

Also remember that true love should be unconditional xxxx

Aw is terrible time when you have something you each feel so strongly about but you dont wanna not have your BA then end up resenting him in the future cos you subconciously blame him for you not having it at a later date!!

Sorry not trying to upset you just want you to look at all sides. I agree with the other girls you have to do whats right for you, its your body and ultimately your decision (similar to abortion that you say he is opposed to, but if, god forbid you were in that situ it is ultimately your decision) if youre meant to be he will come round especially when he sees how happy it will make you.
I wish you lots of luck for getting this sorted it must be a really difficult time for you x

Hun, I've been in this situation 2 years ago.... I ended up resenting him so much it eventually split us up!

So 2 years on and I'm booked in 15days to have my BA...

I'd say from experience go for it... It will prove to u how much he cares... Ie if he stands by u...
My ex and I are now slowly getting back together as he realised how amazing I am (haha joking) he said he was so stupid for not realising how unhappy I was after seeing how excited and happy I am since booking in my surgery!

Your boobies will be with u forever but a man can leave at any time :-) hehe that's how I though of it xxxxx

What a horrible situation your in hun,
If I'm honest I think your boyfriend is out of bloody order! Its a male thing! He is probably worried that you will get attention from other men and will lose you, but does he not realise that acting like this he can end up losing you.
You need to decide how much you want this? If like me its something you have wanted for years, for you, then you need to tell him this is what I'm doing, its my body, so deal with it!! If he don't like it then its his loss and probably not the right man for you, I'm afraid!!!

Good luck hun, hope you make the right choice for YOU..
xxxxxxxxx

I guess that people all have their own morals and values, although I personally don't see how he can compare BA to abortion - not that I'm anti-abortion, they are just so incredibly different and in very different contexts.

If he really means that he will stand by you through this operation, despite his moral objections, then I suppose that's good on his part hun, and there's no harm in you showing your appreciation for this if you want to try and find some common ground between you.
I know you say he wouldn't lie about it, but perhaps he is trying to convince himself that it is a case of morality so that he doesn't have to be honest with himself about addressing his insecurities over it.

I never really know what to say in these kinds of situations. We're all outraged that any man could have the audacity to say to his partner "no, I think it's disgusting that you would consider doing this, either don't do it or leave me", and it is so easy to objectively say, "he's no good, leave him", but clearly you want to have both your op and your relationship in tact so as you said it's about finding a compromise. The practicalities of relationships and emotions are generally never as simple as that basic choice, and I really feel for you having to negotiate your way through this situation when it should be such an exciting time for you.

I hope that he comes around a little bit and manages to support you through your op. Regardless, we're all here for you hun to give you any little pep talks you might need!

LL
x

I just started reading this post and I have to say I really hope it works out for you iampetite. And you ladies you are amazing! So supportive yet constructive.

In some ways I respect your boyfriend for taking a moral stance, but that is also where I would challenge him. What is it that is wrong with a BA? Is it because it is improving yourself? Is it through surgery? When people take a stance on what is acceptable for others, when they have never been in (and never will be in) that situation, I think they have to be very careful about defining what is right and wrong. I think many of the women here could explain how it has improved their life, and how can that be wrong?
Iampetite, I hope you can understand each other, and I hope you get your BA without the guilt, because you know what is right for you. Especially after being so close! best wishes.

lindylou22 wrote:
I know you say he wouldn't lie about it, but perhaps he is trying to convince himself that it is a case of morality so that he doesn't have to be honest with himself about addressing his insecurities over it.

Hey lindylou22, I think he is also doing that as well. Trying to convince himself that it is a case of morality instead. I don't think he is aware of it though. It either way he is still upset by it.

For the past few days we haven't been seeing each other much but when we do we hardly laugh anymore. We are still good with each other. But there are a lot of tension. I'm so glad that he is trying and love him for that. I just hope our relationship will get better soon.

kittenswithoutmittens wrote:
In some ways I respect your boyfriend for taking a moral stance, but that is also where I would challenge him. What is it that is wrong with a BA? Is it because it is improving yourself? Is it through surgery? When people take a stance on what is acceptable for others, when they have never been in (and never will be in) that situation, I think they have to be very careful about defining what is right and wrong. I think many of the women here could explain how it has improved their life, and how can that be wrong?

I've had many conversations with him about "WHY" he has such strong feelings towards it. He says that people should not "buy" their way out of what is not going right in their lives. It seems like we are almost cheating life (I think that's what he meant). That we should overcome challenges and learn to love ourselves instead of going the easy way out.

I also thinks that the image that he has in his head are girls with huge implants in movies and TV who goes partying every night. He understands that I will not become that. But he doesn't like that I will be in that "category". This is why he is embarrass if his parents or friends ever finds out.

There are more to it than I have explained here. But most I do not understand, the same way he doesn't understand me.

Which is hard when we do not understand each other. Both of us think each others reasoning is more important.

He is trying right now and I feel so bad giving him so much pain. I can see that he is very depressed. I just wish everything was back to normal...

Hey Iampetite,

I've been following this post you started. I was sorry to have read your latest thread. It's so unfortunate that you both can't be on the same page. I think you may just have to agree to disagree on this one. It's a personal choice. I am worried that if you put it off you will end up feeling like a few of us did in the end. We put it off for years for someone just to end up doing it anyway and wished we did it sooner, ya know?

You don't have to feel bad. This is how you feel and how he feels. It's a process. I wish you all the best hun.

xoxo

You know what.? I get your boyfriends point of view. I don't have to agree with it but I can see that some one could think the way he does. I can understand the perception. But I don't think that's the problem here. All of us have our own opinions that conflict with other people's. For example:

I'm what you'd call a 'pro-life' person. But when my friends talk about their experience having abortions and when my mate had one, do you think I jumped down her throat with my self-righteous, sanctimonious preachings about her commiting murder!?! Of coarse I didn't. I supported her decision because she's my friend and I know it's not an easy thing to do. It may not be my ideal but it wasn't about me and I'm not so stupid that I can't understand why a woman would have one done.

A person who refuses point blank to try and appreciate someone else's point of view is showing symptoms of arrogance and being a bigot. It's extremist and not necessary most of the time, especially when it comes to someone you care about. Like I support my friends and show empathy even though I'm 'pro-life', your boyfriend should lay aside his opinion in his interest to sympathise with you. You're his girlfriend. He should listen to you and have some respect for how you feel. And how you feel should be a top priority to him. He's being arrogant and self-oriented. And the reason why he may successfully persuade you not to go through with something that you really, really want, is because you're being forced to respect his opinion through your love for him. Yet he can't do the same for you. It's not right.

He loves you? He cares about your happiness? Then he can make an effort to get his head out of his own **naughty word** for you. He can at least try.

Iampetite,

I think Highmaintenance has a great point in saying....

Highmaintenance wrote:
"And the reason why he may successfully persuade you not to go through with something that you really, really want, is because you're being forced to respect his opinion through your love for him. Yet he can't do the same for you. It's not right. "

If we can see past things that we completely disagree with to support our friends becasue we can understand their point of view, why can't your boyfriend show this same respect to you? I just hope he comes around soon!