unhappy boyfriend....

My boyfriend has been totally against this whole procedure from day one. I have tried to explain that the implants i am going for are actually small and the anatomical gives me the best chance of getting a natural look but there is no convincing him which is really starting to stress me out :( he says he likes me the way i am,....

We have been going out for nearly 4 years so his opinion does matter to me but i feel this is a decision i need to make for myself. Has anyone else experienced this? Will it get any better after the op? x

My oh didn't want me to get surgery. It was something I've wanted since way before I met him and he knew it was about increasing my self confidence etc rather than attention but he still wasn't happy with it. He wasn't 'against' it,just he thought I was perfect as I was. Although I do think he was slightly worried about attention from other guys etc but he definitely changed after the op, he loves my boobs, probably more than I do! X

I think its pretty routine for our men to love us 'just the way we are'... My husband was the same and didnt want me to have surgery either. He is today as anti-cosmetic procedure as he was back then when I had my first BA.

But.... As much as he didnt want me to have the surgery, my husband did support my decision. He knew it was something that I wanted very much and 'for me' he went along with everything.

Could I have gone through the surgery without him? I don't know.... I don't actually in all honestly think I could. Although the surgery was for me, myself and my husband are a partnership and if he felt so strongly he wouldn't give his support, if it was so bad it would be something that came between us before I'd even had surgery I don't think a BA as much as I wanted it would have been worth it. My relationship with my husband will always come first, but I'm thankful that I have someone that respects my opinions...

Maybe you and your boyfriend just need to talk some more babe. Explain in depth just how much this means to you. 4 years is a long time invested into a relationship so I totally get where you're coming from hun, so I hope that your boyfriend can look to the long term. Beyond the surgery day to the day when you, his girlfriend can happy and confident with her body. can forget surgery and implants and everything else that makes this all so clinical and just think for a moment what the change to your body will mean to you and then...hopefully, seeing you happy will then make him happy too hun and confident enough to support you through this. Xx

g, sorry to hear your boyfriend feels this way
it might be that he is worried about things that0 may go wrong. Four years is a good time to have been together and is probably just a little worried? I'm sure he loves you enough to give his support in your well informed and much considered choice hun.
luckily my oh is happy either way. which sometimes makes me ask myself why am I doing it. This is when I remember all the reasons for me as to why it means so much and that it's the right decision for me
a sit down chat may help babe xx

My OH didn't want me to have it done either! He said he loved me as I was! We have since discussed it, and he has said that he was jealous that I might receive extra attention from other men, and that he was worried that something might go wrong! And he was having issues at work, and although nothing to do with my BA, it did affect how he felt about it. But now I have had them done, he's seen such a change in me (for the better), he's very pleased I did! And he loves loves loves my new boobs!!

4 years is a long time huni, but you have to think about you! I'm sure given time he will come round. X

My OH was exactly the same as yours! He seemed to think that they would change me as a person, which they have but not as he thought they would! I think with the guys, it's a jealous thing, They worry we will get more attention! I had my BA done for myself, I am not someone who flaunts myself around, even now and I have E cup boobs now! Lol! I think a lot of reassurance is in order for your man! If you know in yourself that this is for you and only you then he will see this when you have had it done because other than giving you a surge of confidence, you will still be the same person you was prior to surgery!

Men need to be reminded and reassured about everything! Just up the attention and make him feel special! They soon get over it and you will also find that they end up loving your new boobs more than the old ones.. Trust me! :)

My oh wasn't too accepting of it to start with- he recently had an hernia op and couldn't understand why anyone would put themselves through an operation for non medical reasons! But once we sat down and talked through it he understood there was more to it than just wanting big boobs! Then as soon as I booked the op date he didn't seem too happy and turns out he was worrying about the actual operation & was stressing about other unrelated things. Luckily he is fine with it now, i understand it must be hard for him to get his head around his partner is going to wake up with new boobs! I try not to go on about it too much- he knows I have this forum for support & asks if Ive been on the pink boob site lol

I know its hard but try not to stress, your boyfriend loves you & I'm sure he will be there to support you. Like the other girls said men need reassurance! Maybe sit down and ask him if he has any worries about it & also reassure him that you are doing this for yourself. I'm sure after the op he will love them!

Iam just going to echo what the other ladies have said.
Men don't like us changing regardless as to what it is and it's usually fear of the unknown and sometimes insecurities in themselves.

When I started my degree although my husband ( very happily married for 10 yrs ) was extremely supportive and encouraging he did have a wobble about me leaving him for a sexy young consultant... I think he had been watching too much American tv, lol.

With my breasts he has seen me over the years become more and more self conscious. He got fed up with me in the end being upset every time I got dressed, every time he went to touch me I would back away. I kept saying I want to get them fixed. He was the one who encouraged me to take the first steps to see a consultant and I really would not of done it without his support.

Try and talk through it, don't be like me suffer for years. xx

Thanks for all your replies girls. its nice to know im not the only one going through this. My relationship means everything to me and in any other circumstances his opinion probably would be a deciding factor for me. But to me, this is a decision on my body and in 5/10 years time i dont want to regret not getting it done and end up holding a grudge against him from stopping me doing what I thought was best.
My dad was also totally against this, but I stuck to my decision and explained that this was for me and only me and although he still isnt happy about it he has accepted the my decision. I guess its difficult for men to understand the boobies issue and i do agree that a little part of it may be jealousy and worrying about other men. I have tried to reassure him since the day and hour I told him that just because i have this done does not mean i will be flaunting my boobs around... just worried that surgery is in 3 weeks and ideally i would like him to feel a little better about it by then but time is tight:( xx

Like the other girls have said, you need to do this for you. If your happier, it can only make the relationship better esp if you feel more confident. Ive been with my boyfriend almost 5 years and he has supported me but if he didnt, i would have sat down with him and reassured him that this was what i needed to do, that i needed his support and just to trust in you that its not going to make you change apart from feeling better about yourself. Like the girls said, he could just be worried etc, but just keep reassuring him.
Its funny that were the ones having the surgery but that we need to reassure the OH! Lol :)
Dont worry though, he will love them when there done too :)
Good luck xx

as time approaches I'm sure he'll be able to see how much this means to you and how valuable his support will be to you.
my dad is unsupportive too and it did make me question myself but I have to keep reminding myself this isn't for him. It's for me.

xx

Dads now that's a tricky one, lol. I've still not told mine and I feel guilty for this but he would of not understood and tried to talk me out of it. Put it this way he freaked when I got my pierced at 12yrs old, lol. xx

I'm glad your boyfriend has come round and accepted you're going to have the surgery babe... The jealousy issue generally doesn't kick in until 'after' your surgery so you may have that to contend with later... Prior to surgery its just generally genuine concern for the person they love. This is after all elective surgery and the thought of you putting yourself through what they see unnecessary risk is just hard for them to comprehend when they aren't the ones going through the emotions everyday living with breasts you don't like.

Talking does help a lot as well as involving him... Take in what he thinks about size, that's not to say you should get the sized boobs he likes, you shouldn't do that at all, but taking him to your consultation and trying on implants and asking his opinion makes them feel a part of it instead of sitting on the outside with a huge fear of the unknown. The more he knows, the better he'll cope hun. But that concern for you... That never goes away hun because they love you with all their heart and you are the most precious thing in the world to them and instinctively they just want to keep you safe, but like I said, they need to talk and look past the surgery to the time after when you'll be a happier person. Xxx

Thanks girls for all the comments! Men are hard work eh? Hoping to convince/ reassure him as much as possible and hopefully when its all over and done with he will see the advantages :)

Cookie - I know he's just concerned about all the risks, i try to keep him up to date with every little piece of news but sometimes it makes it worse! lol i think from now until surgery I'm going to avoid talking about it too much (I could talk about boobies all day every day haha!) hopefully by surgery date things will have settled down a little.

I think we should have a BJSF for men!!! haha ... sometimes i think they need the support more than us ladies!

xx

There is a department of health online information leaflet, (read it first before giving to him though in case it's not suitable) maybe of help to him. xx

Brilliant! Thanks so much Ray.. I am going to have a wee look at that now and hopefully pass it on to him :-) xx

Here's a link, it's an NHS guide...
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Thanks RayRay, I also looked at the Dept of health one.. both look great although some mention of risks (i was hoping to avoid conversation of risks with him haha!) but he has to understand them too.... going to read through it with him xx

Prehaps if you read through the risks with him then he can see that you have done your homework and are fully aware of the 'risks', maybe he will see how important this is to you. Good luck chick. xx

Hope he comes around Hun, I'm sure he will be more comfortable with it after the surgery when your fine and he gets his benefits of them lol x

Glad your OH has come round. Once u've had them done he'll love them.

On the dad front.I was scared to tell my dad so got my mum to tell him. He always says there's nout wrong with them but is totally supportive. If I get accepted he'll be the one sitting with me before it lol.

Good luck ;-)

Nicole wrote:My oh didn't want me to get surgery. It was something I've wanted since way before I met him and he knew it was about increasing my self confidence etc rather than attention but he still wasn't happy with it. He wasn't 'against' it,just he thought I was perfect as I was. Although I do think he was slightly worried about attention from other guys etc but he definitely changed after the op, he loves my boobs, probably more than I do! X

Same, my hubby wasn't very supportive in the beginning but as my date got nearer he got onboard because he knew it was happening with or without his approval. Now he absolutely loves them and says that although he loved me the way i was, he loves my new boobs too =] x

thats great to hear balamoryy.. i had a proper chat with my boyfriend tonight about the whole thing and although he's still not happy about it he is coming to terms with my decision and understands my reasons! not long to go now for me.. so excited :) xx

Hey gO902, just wanted to reply and say that....I had my ba 8 months ago. Right from the beginning my other half said he didn't want me to have them done, as they were fine the way they were. Even after the op he paid no attention, he did help out with things a bit, but no interest in boobs! NOW however he loves them! Lol! it took long enough, but I think it jut takes time. :-)

Thanks kmaise! So glad to hear your oh came round in the end! I gad a big chat with mine yesterday and i think hes starting to understand a little bit.. But still not happy.. But its progress lol i think he will be the same as ur other half.. Will take time to adjust! Your avi looks amazing!!!! xx