in need of emotional support!!

by angbabyxx 3rd December 2010, 10:42 pm

hi girls, I hope I can call on you for support other than BA.....all has gone well and my hubbby been really supportive but I'M GETTING PERSONAL here,,, We've made love once since my BA but it I feel s like my OH is not really turned on by my new assets, he;s never had a problem before - even when Iwas saggy and horrible but now, without being crude he 'can't get it up' and I'm not sure if he has gone off ME or he's just not familiar with what's on offer now and it's gonna take time for him to adjust???? I don't know what to do????

Am I ramblin and blowin things out of proportion, I have had 4 BIG glasses of wine tonight?????

Help!!!! xx

by chicksville 3rd December 2010, 11:06 pm

I'm not sure if I'm going to be much help here but do you think that because it's only been 24 days since your op he may be worried that he'll hurt you?

I wouldn't be in a rush to start that sort of activity if he's a bit weary of them. If the situation comes up again why not just placed his hands on them and let him feel them for a while until he feels comfortable with them. He may be the one who need a few glasses of wine before you start but don't make a big deal out of it because that may make things a little worse.

Feel a little silly for saying all that because I'm pre op x

by minxie 4th December 2010, 12:19 am

I bet he's terrified he'll hurt you, and that's turning him off. My hubby took a while to come around too - he didn't quite know how to react to them. It's a big change for both of you, and not something you get used to over night. Give it time and I'm sure you'll be back in the saddle in no time ;)

Mx

by carol_s 4th December 2010, 1:00 am

As the others have said, I think it will be because he is afraid he might hurt you - for instance, just after the op when they were tender and swollen you might have mentioned this to him (?) and he is thinking he is being considerate. Or he might be frightened of bursting them by handling them too vigorously. I am sure, with some reassurance from yourself, he will be back to his best fairly soon.
xx

by sarahdawn31 4th December 2010, 3:16 am

I totally agree with the other girls, I bet he is afraid he will hurt you... its all so new, and most men see women and more delicate than themselves, and now you have had a major surgury, and you have these new boobs that werent there before, and he is probably just so focused on not disrupting the new assets that he is distracted from what he should be doing.

Dont take it personally... I am sure it will just take some time.
xx

by kittie 4th December 2010, 8:14 am

I agree with everyone else. He is probably scared to hurt you hun. Let him get used to the new boobs.

by **COOKIE** 4th December 2010, 8:21 am

Awww babe, it's not 'cos he doesn't find you sexy, your hubby is just concerned and frightened of hurting you in need of emotional support!! 571992

He'll come round hun but it does take time for some guys.... maybe suggest he helps you to moisturise your boobs? This way, he'll get used to the feel of your boobs and come around to thinking of them as sexual rather than surgical again LOL He'll see that it's OK to touch you and he'll gain confidence...

It'll be OK gorgeous. xx

by Phoebe 4th December 2010, 8:37 am

I agree with what the other girls have said my husband was so worried about hurting me. If I were you I would open a bottle of wine with him and talk about this so it doesnt blow out of proportion, the last thing you want to feel is unattractive. Good luck xx

by angbabyxx 4th December 2010, 12:54 pm

Aww thanks girls, you are so supportive!! You know he has said that he's frightened to touch them in case....he breaks them or hurts me and I love him for that. We both had a few glasses of wine last night and he was desperate to have sex but he couldn't and I'm concerned HE feels inadequate. He has caressed my boobs (with trepidation) and I have encouraged him to touch them, we did have sex last week and he was ok although 'cautious' with me. After your comments girls I realise it will take time for him to adjust.
We do talk and we are very close but I think there are still times when 'deep seated feelings' are not always forth coming in conversation. I will be doing everything I can to put him at ease, thanks again girls - it's so nice to be able to call on you for support, even when I posted this late last night, slightly worse for wear!!!!

Angiexx

by chicksville 4th December 2010, 12:56 pm

Our pleasure....or rather yours x

by Jaybles 4th December 2010, 1:40 pm

another spin on this and i mean this with total respect is that hey may be having erectile problems - that has nothing to so with your op. Loads of men go through its and i truly doubt that it has anything to do with your op. Please take it easy though as your body needs to recover x

by carol_s 4th December 2010, 2:32 pm

If I might also make another comment - take it easy for a couple of weeks (difficult I know), plenty of very close contact, touching, holding, cuddling, kissing etc but no actual intercourse. I am sure during this time he will find he can rediscover his erection.
Good luck hunnie xx

by NurseSophie89 4th December 2010, 9:11 pm

Agree with everyone else babe. Just give him lots of reassurance and take it slow. Good luck x

by **Jem** 4th December 2010, 9:24 pm

Ah Angie,

Im sure you will be back to normal soon. You're hubby sounds lovely and caring, what a fantastic man you have!

Don't forget he's probably spent the last few weeks looking at them, and having to hold back cos he knew it was too soon to start enjoying them. It probably takes a while for his mind set to change and it wont happen in an instant.

Have you had any children? If not, it sounds like a similar situation. After a time of abstinence it takes a while to get back into the swing! The trick is to take it slow, dont expect fireworks at first and it gets better each time!

Best of luck!!! Hug

by Vix 5th December 2010, 12:41 pm

Hi there,
I agree with what everyone has said, my partner was scared to touch them as he didnt know how painful it was, i forced him to touch them, lol! to show that it didnt hurt, i also after about 6 weeks told him to touch my scars for the same reason. It is something which has changed and they dont know whether they will hurt you, just try to reassure him and see if it helps. big hugs xx

by angbabyxx 5th December 2010, 1:49 pm

Thanks again girls,
Im sure you will be back to normal soon. You're hubby sounds lovely and caring, what a fantastic man you have!
Yes Jem I do have a lovely hubby and that's why I don't want him to be frustrated and feeling uncomfortable.

After all the girls comments I have to just continue to reassure him and encourage him to touch them. I'll keep you posted with his progress....hehe!!

Angiexx

by angbabyxx 5th December 2010, 1:54 pm

oh, tried to highlight a comment made by Jem but it's just apperared as if I wrote it.... help

How do you get the WHITE TEXT box to highlight what someone has said in a previous post????
angiexx :

by carol_s 5th December 2010, 2:05 pm

There are 2 ways Angie

1. Copy the phrase which you want as a quote eg:-

How do you get the WHITE TEXT box to highlight what someone has said in a previous post????

and then select that phrase in your message and click the 4th button from the left (where is says B, I, U etc) and the phrase will be quoted in your message.

2. In the original sender's message at the top you will see 2 options "Multi-Quote" and "Quote". If you select the 2nd option (i.e. 'Quote') it will quote the whole of that message into a new reply box (including the person's name who wrote the original message). It is considered good forum etiquette to remove any superfluous text which isn't really necessary and to do this, simply select the words, phrase, sentence or paragraphs which you want to remove and then delete them.
Hope that helps hun
xx

by angbabyxx 5th December 2010, 2:26 pm

Is this how I do it? Here goes...

the words, phrase, sentence or paragraphs which you want to remove and then delete them

whoop whoop!! I did it.....thanks for that Carol. xx Give You

by carol_s 5th December 2010, 2:46 pm

You're welcome hunnie - happy quoting :wavey:

by Alt_Barbie 5th December 2010, 6:00 pm

This worries me too... My hubby has already said he wont want to touch them & the thought of it grosses him out. Will just have to see what happens I guess...

Will def try the tips you girls suggested though.. Throwing him in the deep end and just expecting him to be ok with them is a big hopeful.

by chicksville 5th December 2010, 6:07 pm

My husband is fully behind me getting a BA but has said that it may take a little time to get use to the idea of them.

I just think small steps and plenty of time is the best way. Don't push them into anything because thatg will just put them off and make you both unhappy xx

by Leesh 5th December 2010, 6:30 pm

My OH was very apprehensive about touching me and hurting the implant or me. He barely even kissed or hugged me for the first 2 weeks. So I asked him about why he was acting that way and I was just blunt and said tell me what you want to know. He then started asking lots of questions... similar to the kind of things we talk about on this forum; when will the pain go away? when will they fluff? will i hurt them if i touch them too vigorously?....

After that initial talk he became more comfortable and I ask him to touch them, check them out. Its a process for the OH too.
Don't stress too much and yes he may need a little liquid courage in the beginning too :console:

good luck xxxoo

by angbabyxx 10th December 2010, 11:10 am

Thanks for all your advice girls, don't know what I would do without you...xx

Still no 'Nookie' but I'm being patient and he's trying ..... :(

Will keep you posted!! xx

by angbabyxx 14th December 2010, 2:32 pm

Woooooohooooooo!!! in need of emotional support!! 43418

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