Telling the parents!?!?!

Well done, bet you're relieved you've told your mum now. Don't think mums are ever really pleased as they always want to protect you from any possible danger/risks etc (I know as I'm a mum now!). My mum wasn't that happy but did understand and the next day said "well don't moan about not having enough money to do up your house now will you?!"

Still not sure I've heard the end of it... :)

littlemisstiny1 wrote:Well done, bet you're relieved you've told your mum now. Don't think mums are ever really pleased as they always want to protect you from any possible danger/risks etc (I know as I'm a mum now!). My mum wasn't that happy but did understand and the next day said "well don't moan about not having enough money to do up your house now will you?!"

Still not sure I've heard the end of it... :)

He he all I got off mine was ... "It's going to hurt a lot and you don't handle pain very well"

I'll handle as much pain as possible if I get bigger

Well what a bombshell I've just been dropped.

As you all know my mum knew I was thinking about it, but I never told her that I was going for my consultation. Wanted to get all the facts off the ps before I told her.

We just had bit of an argument (family problems) and she said that my dad knew what I was thinking of having done as I told him I would be needing 2 weeks off work soon and said that he said I was "fucking nuts" ... nice!

Well anyway in my anger I snapped back at her and said I was more than thinking about it and that I was going to the hospital on Saturday. Said once again told me her feelings and that thinks its too dangerous and don't think her nerves can handle it. But did offer to lend me £2000!?!?! I turned down the offer as I want to do this on my own.

Am so got so many family problems atm thinking about this op is whats keeping me going.

My OH has been a rock and even though he had his own opinions at the very beginning, he knows it's what I want and is supporting me 100%.

I don't care what my dad thinks but am totally confused with my mum's comments!

Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it off my chest (pardon the pun) to people who understand me!!

Much love

xx

Hi Jemmy,

So sorry you're having a hard time - believe me I know exactly how you feel. As you may have seen from some of my posts I've had moody emails and phonecalls from my family about it too.

I think some families are going to react like this and in a way it's better to have got it out of the way now, rather than have gone behind their back and just tell them afterwards. They will come round I am sure, maybe just try and calmly explain your reasons (in a letter/email if that will prevent a row!). Then leave them to think about it for a while, then I woudn't bring up the subject again. That is what I will do with my sister, to prevent any more rows / badfeeling.

At the end of the day it is your life and your body so you have to try and let it go over your head - I will try and do the same...

Good luck and don't let it get you down, families can be a nightmare sometimes I know. Sending you a !

LMT x

ps getting nervous now my consult's tomorrow!!

Thank you! Us pre-oppers with silly families gotta stick together!

Let me know how you get on tomorrow. Won't be on till after 9pm am in college till then.

Good luck hun

Jem

Jemmy wrote:We just had bit of an argument (family problems) and she said that my dad knew what I was thinking of having done as I told him I would be needing 2 weeks off work soon and said that he said I was "fucking nuts" ... nice!

Well anyway in my anger I snapped back at her and said I was more than thinking about it and that I was going to the hospital on Saturday. Said once again told me her feelings and that thinks its too dangerous and don't think her nerves can handle it. But did offer to lend me £2000!?!?! I turned down the offer as I want to do this on my own.

Am so got so many family problems atm thinking about this op is whats keeping me going.

I can completely understand hun and feel free to vent, my mum was so weird about it and just said not very supportive stuff that i hoped for (still does!) and was going through alot of family problems too. I did my BA alone too as i didnt want any of them freaking me out on the day as they're great at that! I didnt tell my dad, he lives really far anyway.

I think they'll come around, maybe take your mum with you to one of the consults if that would ease her worries. Good on you for turning down the dosh too, i saved up all of mine and wouldn't want anyone throwing it in my face if they'd lent me money

xxx

It felt so good turning down the money off my mum. I'll still have to take a loan out but atleast it's my own way of dealing with it and paying for it.

X

Hun your parents sound like they are just worried sick because most people associate cosmetic surgery with all the horror stories we hear. You probably just need to inform them about everything, the fact that these days it's an easy procedure with minimal risks. I hope they will listen but even if they don't listen now, they'll come round afterwards, when everything has passed and they don't need to worry anymore.
You can vent anytime on here and we will support you

You guys are all amazing. You have been sooooo supportive to me. I hope that once I have had my BA I can help someone just like you have all helped me and will continue to help me.

Love u guys!!!

Group hug!

Aw Jemmy I really do feel for you !! Just shows what a caring person/daughter you are Perhaps as you say (family problems) anger, like we all have, are just getting mixed up with your b.a.. As you say in your anger you just snapped back at your mum. She, like your dad doing the same? and trying to be the best help she can, being honest about your dad's response (men) which he did not say to you, perhaps having a vent at your mum, and mum offering you money.


I think they just dont understand, I can guess they are probably around ages with me? Different generation. I have three children, a daughter of 24 and I think her dad's response would be the same, though probably through ignorance and embaressment. Also I think I would support my daughter and sons with whatever they choose, I may not understand or agree but I am not a parent to judge. I have not told my mum 84 as I would have very hurtful response. However my daughter supported me, I do not know if she agreed, she did not say but it was very comforting to know and feel that she is a very caring and thoughtful girl.

Not sure if this helps but you have made a very informed decision with research to do something important to you, you should carry on and I am sure your parents will be fine if not it is your body and money and they do give you a feeling of being complete. I wish you all the best, take care, thinking of you xx

ah honey well done for telling them I bet thats a weight of your mind (and onto your chest soon lol!) Good luck and look forward to hearing your story. Hugs Jo x

Thank Mia and Jo x x

Mia - My mum is 65, she had me when she was 40, went through lots of problems through the pregnancy and was told at about 5 months if she wanted to keep me she was to go to bed and stay there till I was born.

So to her I know I am her miracle and can totally understand why she is so protective over me.

She'll get over it, she was the same when I had my piercings and tattoos except I never told her and just came home with them

You see hun, your mum is from another generation altogether, she has seen the world go through so many changes because everything has moved on immensely in the last 30 years or so, and people who have been young in another era need a bit more time to adjust, I see that in my own parents. When she was your age it would have been totally socially unacceptable to have a BA! But she loves you very much and she will be ok with it when she sees that it makes you happy. :)

Hear hear...!

Hope you're feeling better today x

Much thank u.

What time is ur consultation littlemiss?

Hey Jemmy,

I can relate to your situation. My mums in her 60's and had me when she was 38. I'm an only child too and it was a horrendous birth (or so I am told) so she sees me as a miracle child too. I was so worried about telling her. At first I didn't think she'd take me seriously, or be hurt that I would want to alter the body I was given at birth. I couldn't face actually sitting down and telling her so I left a consultation letter on the kitchen table! She brought it up the next day over dinner and was a lot calmer than I thought she would be? I'm still going to the consultations on my own, and she says she wants no part of it, but at least she isn't shouting at me (or worse, giving me the silent treatment). I just think people who don't know the ins and outs will always worry a huge amount about the risks! Especially mothers, because they have an instinctual urge to protect their children, even when they are not children any more!

Jess xx

Jess xx

Hope you have a better day today Jemmy!!!

It is probably just a shock to your mum Jemmy and Jessica. You should be proud of yourselves for caring about mums feelings!!! Parents are soo important to us all no matter what age we are. I personally as a mum would be thinking what type of mum have I been that my children felt they could not discuss important issues with me? when you are a mum it's for life no matter what age your child is and yes you feel a need to protect and guide but finding a balance to stand back is not always easy.

If you give them time I am sure they will be happy for you when your journey is over..they have not had the time and information you have to come to terms with it. I wish you well and hope you can find a way to help your mum's understand how you feel and how important their understanding is to you. xx

Awww... I can empathise with what you're saying Jemmy... I'm an only child and my Mum is 65 (although she had me when she was 22).

I'm sure most parents' initial response is to want to protect you and for you not to suffer at all. They don't always realise that we have emotionally "suffered" due to how we feel about our bodies. You've researched well and I'm sure once it's all done your parents perceptions may change when they see you're alright and also how happy you are.

I've cut and pasted from an old thread how I came to pluck up the courage to tell my parents :~

As of this morning the only people who knew were my boyfriend, my best friend (as she's looking ater my children for me on the day of the op) and also my nail tech (as I've had to ask her to remove my gel nails... and she wouldn't give up asking "why" until I told her!)

I couldn't face telling my parents, even though I'm sure they may have noticed that I haven't gone to work, because they live so close to me. I don't know what it is... I'm a fully grown woman with children of my own... but I feel like a naughty school child... it just doesn't come easy for me to talk to them.

This afternoon I had to take my Dad to the hospital for a colonoscopy and wait there for him and bring him home again. On the way there he was telling me a little about it and his worries... while he was in the hospital I sat waiting feeling worse and worse that I was keeping my operation a secret from them. I was actually making myself feel sick. So as I helped my Dad out of the hospital and into the car for the journey home, I just blurted it out that I was going to hospital myself next week. He looked at me all shocked... so I said not to worry as it was elective surgery (he still looked shocked) so I said cosmetic surgery... and he said "you're not having your tits done are you?"!!!!!! He thinks I'm mad, but respected the fact that I'm a grown up and that I must have thought hard about having it done. He also said that he wasn't going to keep the info from my Mum; so sooner or later I'll have to have the same scary conversation with her... and she really will think I'm mad! But anyway... I've told my Dad... and I had to tell all you guys, cos it's such a big thing to me... and I never thought I'd do it!!


I told my Dad about 5 days before I had my op... and yes I did finally tell my Mum... 3 days before my op! She did think I was mad, and told me how much pain I'd be in!!! Well, as I wasn't in any real pain, she's had to eat her words and does seem to be ok about it all now.

I wish you well honey. Angel xx

Awww it's such a shame that we have/had problems telling parents things as I know it hurts my mum when I keep things from her.

But hopefully after Saturday I can give her all the information to put her mind at ease.

She'll be ok, she always does in the end. (Still not taking her with me ... )