Husbands / Boyfriends / Partners

Sometimes, like Anne said, they get complacent and take us for grantd. Tell him to wash his own pants from now on ;) lol x

At this rate il be putting chilli powder in his pants lol x x

My bf was really supportive when he realised I was being serious.
He came to the consultations he could but he struggles to get time off so couldn't come to them all. 
He was there on the day of my op but his boss canceled his pre booked holiday about a week before my op, so he couldn't pick me up the day after.
He was good walking the dogs more etc for me. 

The build up he was supportive but wouldn't show a glimmer of excitement cause he was worried I would think he didn't like me how I was. I'd showed him loads of videos etc so he wasn't surprised by my boobs post op. He seems to like them now and does compliment me a lot, although am not sure if that's cause he likes them or cause he thinks he should!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] do you actually have a date for your wedding?
Hopefully being away with work, when he comes back he will have missed you and realise how silly he has been.

I keep asking 'A' if he's excited.. I had never thought of it like that before. That's really interesting :) xx

We only got engaged last June, we did look at setting a date next year, but after he said marriage is just a bit of paper it feels like he doesn't really want to get married. So no date and probably never will be, cause we've been together so long I feel like he could of asked me years ago if he loved me, but he hasn't. The only reason we got engaged is because I kept asking. 
To be honest I'm not happy, I feel trapped. We've talked about finishing are relationship ages ago, and he said he wants the kids 50/50 so he hasn't got to pay child maternance. Also id have to move out, at the moment I receive no benefits and he gives me allowance each month, no joint account either. I use to pay bills on the house but he said I didn't need to. Anyway there's a reason he done this if we split I'm entitled to nothing because I haven't contributed to the house, he's very clever. if I said how I feel at the moment, he'll just say you know where the front door is. Im so confused I want to go but haven't got a leg to stand on. Sorry for being depressing but I only have one good friend to talk to x x

Emma you have lots of options. Please don't let him brainwash you. It doesn't make any difference how much you pay in, the law takes many other things into consideration. It might be worth you seeking advice from cab or many solicitors will give you a 30 minute free consultation. I'm not suggesting for a minute you pursue anything, but I would arm yourself with knowledge and advice so you're aware of your options. Relationships are so difficult and no one can advise you on what's best as only you know. But perhaps consider whether or not you want your children growing up seeing 2 parents loving each other, or not. Hugs xx

oh 'Emma sweetheart, what a horrible position to be in 

Is it possible you could contact a women's refuge in your area babe? I'm probably talking outta my backside here but just to throw a possible lifeline it could be worth talking to them and I'd presume because you'd then be homeless due to mitigating circumstances and not making yourself intent illy homeless you'd maybe get a council property through them as well as all the help you might need with benefits. 

The children would be able to go with you and then without your fiancé controlling the situation you could then work out the children seeing their dad at times that would suit you both. 

Or maybe take baby steps and make an appointment at the citizens advice bureau? 

I could be talking outta my backside and feel free to ignore my post lovely. Ive never been in your position and am only trying to help by throwing something out there, but fully understand that with your children to consider too it must be like living a nightmare under that kind of control. You just sound so, so sad and I couldn't read and run and just responded with what might seem dramatic? I dunno....but maybe it could be something to think about? Xx

Just to add, that on the flip side, just incase there is any hope at all...the wedding im attending as matron of honour in July - my friend has been asking for marriage for 13 years and finally gave up on it ever happening. She doesn't know she's getting married in July. She thinks she's just going on a family holiday, but after 13 years he finally got it! And has gone to great lengths to keep this secret so she'll have the wedding she wants but without all the stress and hopefully will have the surprise of her life. 

So although it may seem like things aren't working, if you think there's love there and it's worth fighting for...happy endings can actually happen babe. 

Whatever way you go, I hope you find your happily ever after. 

Thanks ladies, I was going to book a appointment with cab, see what they say. There is homeless place not far from me, so if things do get worse I will go there. I'll see how things go when he comes home Friday. And keep you posted, thanks again for advise x x

You won't be homeless Hun, you have the kids. They will always want to keep the children as settled as possible. Do you both own the house? X

Agree with Mrs balls, whatever you do, don't walk out (unless of course you feel unsafe etc). He needs to leave if anyone does x

He owns the house, I asked to help pay or go on the morgage and he said no. I'd have to leave hun, he would make my life hell, also he would make me sleep on the sofa. That's where I sleep if we have a arguememt. X x

So sorry to hear that Hun. Hopefully the cab will give you advise on what you could do. 

Be strong, some men can wear you down and make you feel weak. Do what's best for you and the children. X

Oh Emma I am so sorry :( - I really help you get some good advice at the cab.

How old are your children? x

Tbh I don't think it matters if he owns it. You've been together 12 years, lived together, had children and made sacrifices for them and your husband. Get some advice hun x

Oh Emma, its so hard reading this. Im so sorry you are in this situation, especially with the kids. Its hard to know what to do for the best sometimes.
I don't want u to think im patronising you, im not I promise, do you think maybe all this could be being blown up to something that feels bigger than it is? Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, how long you've felt this way or whats like behind closed doors for you. Its very difficult this whole operation process, such an emotional mine field and exhausting! We've all cried over silly things while we are healing. I had a massive tantrum today because its the same warm up on all the DVDs on T25 programme lol and im nearly 3 months post op.
I really hope I haven't offended you.
There are lots of places you can get advice the CAB is definitely a good one to start. Also, is it possible you could both talk to each other? Does he do talking? Or at least listening?
Is there anyone who could babysit so maybe u could have a meal together to chat? Nice neutral place, other people around so it has to stay calm.
Also, for the record, being together 11 years makes u commonlaw man and wife. Means whats his is yours legally :) x x

Aww emma I hope your ok lovely so sad to read you feel unhappy! I reckon if you was to leave he wud be devastated! The control freaks usually are! Some men like to have that control and yes it does grind women down! I seen it all with my parents my dad was the same! Safe to say I'm the complete opposite to how my mum was! i can't believe after 11 years and children he makes u sleep on the sofa if u have an argument! Saying that I sleep in the spare room but that's my choice if he tried t say I wasn't getting in bed etc I think I'd put a bat round his head lol xxxx

My boyfriend has said all the right things I love you the way you are etc which is lovely but now he's started to get really excited about my new boobs. It's my fault cuz all I have gone on about for the last couple of months is boobs but I'm not sure I like him saying that I don't know why maybe because I'm scared he will be disappointed in them! That's probably me being silly ! He's helped me out and lent me half the money which I will be paying him back and is being really supportive. He's not come along to any consultations because of work commitments but will be helping me out with our little boy whilst I'm recovering . So I can't complain really he's not perfect but he does his best :-D  . Emma just wanted to say hope things work out I agree with most of the girls that ull never be homeless ther will always be a solution it might not be easy but if ur seriously unhappy u can change things! I would let him know how he's making I feel and see if there's any change but there's only so many chances he can have! He defiantly sounds likes he's taking u for granted and needs kicking into gear like most men haha! On a happier note ur boobs are now lovely hehe :-D

Emmapinder1983 wrote:He owns the house, I asked to help pay or go on the morgage and he said no. I'd have to leave hun, he would make my life hell, also he would make me sleep on the sofa. That's where I sleep if we have a arguememt. X x

You can still claim home rights, even though you don't own the house, you have a right to occupy. It is a little different not being married though admittedly - if you were married he would no doubt have to house you till the kids have grown up and you would get some of his money/savings too.
Do talk to CAB and benefits office etc you will be entitled to help and he will have to contribute towards housing the children - he can't look after the children and earn the he does wage he does and the courts do recognise that.
Am a property lawyer and have studied family etc.

Thanks for everyone's lovely replies, he is home and I'm being quiet. I'm defiantly going to see cab, and see what I can do. Thanks again, so glad I've found this forum x x

 Hope ur ok hun xx

Just read this thread, so sorry to see this Emma. As always the girls are giving great advice. Just remember you'll never be homeless, but gather your options.
If it helps, just remember you've had major surgery and your hormones will still be a bit all over the place, also it's that time of year where everything is crappy.
But as the girls have said, you know the relationship best xx

Just seen this, massive hugs Emma ! 
Really hope things have improved for you, since he's been home, thinking of u xxxx

Hi ladies, things have improved. We sat down and had a good talk, I told him exactly how I'm feeling and what will happen if we carry on the way we are. So far good, I also warned him if I ever have to have another op he needs to be supportive. Lets see what happens when he gets the snip in September lol x x

Lol!! That will be the worst pain imaginable and obviously so much worse than child birth and boob jobs! Men! My hubby milked it! Glad you had a good chat....I'm sure that will have done you both the world of good!

Arrrr Emma just read the posts,I'm so sorry for him you've been feeling, but glad to read you've spoken to your partner and told him how you felt hun. Hope your ok though. Big hugs xx