Men ahhhh.

my boyfriend has been looking after me since my ba, I'm now on day 4. He's not being very supportive towards me, he's doing well with the house and kids. But me no, I ran out of paracentomal yesterday and he moaned cause he had to get them this morning. I didnt know how many tablets I had left, he's been doing them. And when I get dressed he just watches me struggle, I've been asking my son to help me. I know men can't handle stress but if it was the other way round Id make sure he was ok. Cause he calls the ba self inflicted op he has no sympathy for me, sorry for moaning x x x

Oh Emma. Sorry to hear that. Youre right it's so hard for men to deal with, they are different creatures all together and it's probably freaked him out a bit. 
Can you perhaps have a quiet word and say how it's making you feel and ask if he can help you get dressed etc? Just say it won't be for long.
I decided to go back to my mums for a week because I just wasn't sure how my bf would handle me if I was in pain or anything.
They just can't handle things when it's out of their control, they like to be the hero and in control, I guess he just doesn't know how to help.
Xxx

On Emma sorry to hear that, I know my husband can be like that sometimes, he tries but then it all gets on top of him. They finally realise how much we actually do looking after the house and kids and keep everything running. ! 

Maybe have a sit down chat with him, explain that you understand it's hard doing everything however right now you NEED support, it'll only be for another week or so and the quicker you start to teal the quicker you'll start to few able to do things. 
Regardless of what surgery you've had you still need help. 

X

This all started because I was realised from the hospital without stockings, I asked my boyfriend to phone them the next morning after my ba cause I was concerned. Anyway when he asked the nurse she said because you should be walking about you don't need them. so due to this my boyfriend thinks I should be doing a lot more. I've tried speaking to him but he gets moody very quickly x x

I know the feeling Emma. It annoys me when they call BA self inflicting operation, but when its them and their man flu for example they expect us to run around them all the time.

Just to cheer you up I had my hubby with me only on surgery date and then he went to work.We have no kids etc but I had to manage on my own but last week he announced that he has 2 weeks holiday to use at work as soon as possible!
It made me a bit upset as he could stay at home with me that week but havent even thought of that:(

Get plenty tablets just in case if you run out again hun as some of them just do not get it full stop ha ha 

Take care hun x

Ah Emma. How difficult! 
Try giving him a s@&t sandwich - start off with a positive e.g. Thanks for keeping up with the housework,  followed by the negative - e.g. Stop being such a d!@£ (but put more tactfully) and say how you're feeling, then end on a positive e.g. Thank you for everything you're doing for the kids whilst I'm not up to it. You really appreciate it etc... I find this little tactic helps with difficult subject matter.
If talking really is too hard maybe you could write him a little letter?
Hope things get easier for you very soon my lovely xx

Thanks for all the lovely replies, have defiantly cheered me up x x

Sorry to hear that Emma, you should definitely talk to him and be honest about how you feel. Some people just don't have that nurturing gene and the instinct to mind someone. 

I know how you feel though, my boyfriend has been good for the most part, there are times i have to tell him "ehh iv just had surgery your going to have to do this..." he kind of forgets sometimes, and i suppose its difficult for him to understand how im feeling. On the other hand, my mother has been awful, she never really was the mothering type and she didn't understand why i was having a BA. She has absolutely no sympathy for me or the desire to help me out in any way which i do find upsetting... its hard when those close to you aren't there for you the way you need them. I wouldn't even bother talking to her about it because this is the way she is and i just have to accept it. Hopefully your man isn't like this and talking to him might help? Chin up anyway hun... you will get there xx

Tell him to read this Emma:

It's important to try and get up and walking as soon as you feel able, but this is just a 'gentle' walk around the house at first until you start feeling a little stronger. Overdoing thing won't help your healing at all. It's important when you feel tired and you will feel tired A LOT early post-op that your body gets the rest it needs - whilst you're sleeping, you're healing. 

You'll find early post-op that even the smallest of tasks such a getting dressed will tire you out. It's the same with a hair wash or a shower if you're one of those with glue over your stitches..it totally wipes you out and this is why it's advised you have help for the first week especially. 

Regardless of this being elective surgery or not you've still had surgery and the trauma you've had to your body needs time to recover. So if you have children especially early post-op, for their saftey (you can get so tired you'll just fall asleep) and your own (overdoing things) having help with them will really help with your recovery. 

The last thing you need when you're in discomfort, you're tired, you're suffering the booby blues and just feeling plain crappy is a whining boyfriend complaining about buying someone he's supposed to care about bloody painkillers! 

I'm quite sure he won't be complaining after they're healed will he! So if he wants the benefit of sharing your new boobs after recovery, the least he can do is help you through that recovery so you both get to relax and enjoy them later. Xx

Thanks cookie, I will show him when he gets back from football ( my youngest boy has a match), fingers crossed he'll understand x x

Maybe he's just stressed out quite how much he has to do, and it's getting on top of him.
My bf wasn't overly helpful, supportive emotionally but not much more helpful around the house, I was very lucky my parents helped me.

Men can be strange creatures! Explain that it's only short term that you need to rely on him whilst you recover- heal & as you heal you will be able to do so much more than you can now.
When I'm working on shift hubby insists on giving me a detailed run down of his day, the washings he's done, dropped kids off here n there..............I'm like yep, welcome to my world!
Hope you manage to talk  & he understands that his help is so important & how much you appreciate it.     XXX

He still keeps saying the op is self inflicted, then when we argue it's hurting my boobs and they are swelling up. I'm now on day 5 and doing most things, school run, drinks, then I mentioned it would of been nice to have some flowers, he said your not ill. And guess what he's been in bed this afternoon while I sat in the lounge, Im at breaking point to be honest x x

Regardless of it being self inflicted, you've still had a major op! What a douche (sorry!). I really don't get some peoples understanding and reaction to things like this.

Do try and take it as easy as you can. And just breath through his idiocy.

:giveu:some flowers from me :)

Remember this when he wants to have fun with your boobs once healed. It's not on!! Don't what ever you do , do things for him. Like his washing cooking etc . It's really hard to get through this with no help. Sending big hugs xxx

Thanks ladies, I'm not talking to him at the moment. He goes back offshore Thursday for 2 weeks, I can chill out then with the help of my kids x x

Hugs hun. It's so hard post op and without suport even harder. I imagine he's finding it hard to deal with, maybe jealous or worried you'll be so super attractive you'll do a runner! A break from each other to reflect will do the world of good and in 2 weeks your recovery will feel so different. In the meantime is there a family member or friend who may be able to lend a hand?

Thanks, I've got my friends if I need help, will ask them for help if I have a bad day. Sounds bad but the day he gets ill I'm going to have fun hahahah x x x

Oh Emma that's horrible, I feel your pain. Not helping around the house or expecting you to do stuff is bad enough, but it must be upsetting for you to be struggling with washing/dressing and not being offered any help- and then you don't want to ask for it either if they don't offer
,
 I have been off work since end November with feet and boob ops and the other half feels like I an always going on at him 'do this do that' - but I am only asking him to do the things that I normally do that he doesn't realise. There is never any food in the house, no washing done - the bed didn't even get changed for over 3 weeks - and that was only because I did it. I had to go and stay at my folks for a bit too and even just being at home one the weekend was enough for him - he was more than happy to palm me off each Monday.

They seem to have  absolutely no concept of how major the surgery is, the pain and the importance of the recovery period.

You must be so frustrated. This is the last thing you need when you are all over the place with meds/pain etc. Just make sure that you don't give in and you give yourself the attention you need to recover well - you need to look after those new babies and make sure they heal properly so that you don't get any complications

Camilla - how unthoughtful! I really don't think these boys see it as a major operation, instead you're just having time off to 'recuperate' or something silly

Well said Anne- its going to be a totally different story in a few months time!