Paid balance today, should be excited, but I'm not

Evening ladies, 

Sorry in advance, this is a moany self indulgent post 


I rung up and paid off my balance today, all this week I have been so looking forward to it, as I thought it would feel so real.

 Now I just feel so despondent and having second thoughts. 

I'm really worried as I will still have 14-21lbs to lose after surgery.  I'm getting implants in May but I just have it in my head that my uplift will just suddenly "go" when I am at goal and my boobs will become a big saggy mess again, and the whole thing won't be worth it. 

I'm worried that if ppl know they will look at me and think WTF is she doing, getting her boobs done, its her belly that needs got rid of first. 

I'm worried that my op will go all wrong, and I will hate my boobs after...even though they are horrendous now. 


I so wanted to enjoy today, now I just keep  thinking whats the point, it will be a huge waste of time and money, it will go wrong, ill hate them, they will sag overnight. etc etc. Endless vicious circle in my head. I keep having to stop what I'm doing to have little weeps, even Harry Potter is not distracting me 

I am going shopping with the mammy tomorrow to get some surgery and aftercare essentials, and again I thought I would be excited, but I just feel scared and I don't know why. 

It's my TOTM, as well which just doesn't help. 


I need a good kick up the bum! 

thanks ladies, and sory to be so whiney xx

No need for sorts hun, we're all in the same boat here and I doubt between us all there's nothing we haven't experienced. 

Have you discussed with your surgeon that you're planning on losing up 21lb post-op? 

I know when ive had revisions ive felt very much the same as yourself and just felt like I was going through the motions rather than actually getting something that's good and great in my life..

Well that's what YOURE going to get drinkoftea. The difference is going to be so, so fabulous and I know that right now that's hard to believe but when you take a moment to stop beating yourself up and make a little room to know that you DESERVE this. You really do. It's all going to go so smoothly and soon you'll see what I mean and will be absolutely delighted with your result - just open yourself up to accepting this good in your life babe. 

Sorry to hear you're feeling despondent about everything Hun. 

When you pay the final balance it hits you this is it and sometimes the doubt enters but honestly it'll be absoulty fine. 

Get rid of all the negativity write down a positive list of why you are doing this.
After  3 Bas and one being a revision, I would definatly do it all over again, and I know I will again at some point! 

You will love your new boobs, I promise! 

Look in the mirror, tell yourself you are worth it, and deserve to be happy , be proud you've made a descsion to change your life for the better. 

Xx

I'm so sorry too Hun to read how your feeling. 

I be honest once i paid for mine all the doubts filled my mind too, thinking am I doing right or wrong, how will I cope with recovery and will I be happy, and like cookie and Mrsball said, that's all completely normal, and all the girls feel like that, it weren't till I ordered my post op bras today that I actually smiled and said to my partner this is real I'm actually doing it and im gonna enjoy this moment in my life,because I've wanted it for such a long time, Hun you will love your new boobies, it will make such a difference in your life,, you have done so so well with your weight loss, that this surgery will complete you. Big hugs to you Hun xxx

I was feeling exactly how you are when I paid my balance on Monday! So many doubts what am I doing, what if I regret it so not gonna be easy to just whip them back out etc but I had my op on Thursday late pm and I am still in hospital and I love them!!!! Usually I would be going mad staying in hospital but I'm taking the much needed rest time before I go home which must mean something I honestly can't believe how worried I was as to how amazing I feel right now! I just smile as soon as I look down ! Hope this helps xxxxxx

Thank you all so much for your kind words ladies!! Made me feel normal, and that its not me. 

I spoke to my surgeon, who was brilliant. He asked if I usually lost weight from my boobs, I told him that they had always been fairly big even when I was slim. In the huge amount of weight I put on, they only went from a 34DD to a 36G which is quite surprising considering the poundage i put on. I also told him I last got measured in September and my bras still fit perfectly. I have lost well over a stone since then. He seemed content  with this and said he was happy to operate, but it was entirely up to me. I do feel more reassured now. I've got 3 weeks, so fitness wise I am going to stop doing strength training and concentrate on cardio, and diet wise up the protein and cut down a bit on the carbs. and no more snacking! 

I am also thinking when I get my BA done in May and the rest of the weight should be off by then, if there are any tweaks needed it could be done then?!

Cookie - I feel like you are my boob mam! Its the dreaded self esteem I think! But you are right, I've worked fecking hard, the end goal is in sight and I do deserve it! 

MrsBall - thanks again, and I am proud when I think of the mess I was last year. 

Ackuga28 - paying it off just makes it seem so real, doesn't it? Ah I hope I do love them! 


Charlie1234 - thank you it does! This is why this forum is invaluable, imagine if we were all going through this alone, it would be so frightening. OOh I just want that amazing feeling! How are you now? 

xx

If I'm honest im struggling but am sure this is hormonal - hoping it is anyway! Am struggling with why I've done this to myself esp when I look down at two footballs ! I just wanted natural looking and they are so not! And I'm sure it's just cause it's early days (3 days post op) and they are bound to soften but it's the unkown if that makes sense! Just feeling v down and low xxx

Hi Charlie, sorry for the late reply - work has been manic.
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling low. Reading everyones posts on here, that seems to be the norm, so try and take it as part of the whole BA process. 

How are you feeling now?

xx