I havent told anyone but my husband i'm having BA

Hi

I'm having a BA in 8 days and only me and my husband know- is this weird?!!! Or does anyone else have similar circumstances? Would really love to hear from any of you on this subject.

I'm a mum of 2 girls and used to have pretty good boobs, but 2 lots of breastfeeding put pay to that!! I've been thinking about having a BA for last 2 years, as my appearance is now very depressing for me and I hate looking at myself or letting my hubby see me without a bra on. I finally plucked up the courage to go to consultation 2 months ago, and now only have a week to wait!!

My family are quite judgemental on the whole (about anything and everything!), and its not a subject i've ever discussed with them, so did not know how to bring subject up, and was worried about their reactions. Have quite a few close friends, but a lot of them have money problems at the moment and didnt know how they would react to me spending such a large amount of money on a cosmetic procedure. So hence I now find myself a week from surgery not having told anyone else! Wondering now whether its too late to tell anyone, or whether it would matter if I didnt?!

Sorry for my rambling! Would love to hear from anyone in similar situations, either pre BA or anyone who has had surgery and been in this situation. Also be great to hear your views on telling people and how to bring it up!!

x

It's not weird IMHO...only share with who you feel comfortable knowing...as long as your husband is ok with it, then that's really the only person you need to care about.

Hey there, I think a ba is a really personal thing, the first people I told were my parents - I'm very close to my mum and know that she doesn't keep anything from my dad so I told him too! I was wary about telling my friends, I've only told a few, but was expecting some disapproval with regards to the money, why I was doing it etc, but I found the opposite. One close friend who hates my fake nails and hair extensions - so I was expecting her to be quite anti me getting my boobs done - was totally pro the whole thing! She even said she'd like to consider getting hers done! I literally brought it up over coffee or dinner with the friends I told and it wasn't a problem.

At the end of the day, it's your body and your choice, if it makes you happier and more comfortable with yourself then it's money well spent! My only worry was that if I didn't tell my close friends they would probably notice and then maybe be a bit put out that I hadn't told them in the first place. It's an awkward feeling though, I was quite scared about telling them!

Anyway, good luck with the surgery, hope it all goes really well xxx

Ah thankyou Alymomma. Youre right-my husband is great and very supportive, he just wants me to be happy.

Louisajane82- good to knwo someone in similar situation. Am so tempted to speak to a couple of close friends about it, but am just really worried about their reactions. But listening to your story, maybe I should just bite the bullet and go for it! x

It's entirely up to you who you tell. I live in Surrey and all my family live in Wales. I have told most of my friends that I live close to as I am very close to them and also told my mum as I can't keep anything from her, but as for the rest of my family I wouldn't dream of telling as like you I feel that they would be very judgmental and could also cause trouble for my mother as she still lives there.
It's quite sad that we are made to feel this way over something. But would they react the same if they knew how we were really feeling about our bodies?
Don't know if I have helped at all but I hope that whoever you decide to tell will be supportive just as your husband is to you. Good luck xxxx

Yes, bite the bullet and go for it. If they are your true friends, and truly care about you, they will be totally supportive of your decision...a decision that affects you and your body...not their bodies.

Just inform them that you've done your "homework," because true friends will worry if they care about you the way you think they do :) Inform them that you have made a sound decision and reaffirm to them that they have nothing to worry about (you're a smart girl!). If they get "mad" at you because of something you want to do to better yourself, than that's just B.S. in my book. It's really a personal decision and move on your part...they should be thankful enough that you were open enough to share such a personal experience with them. If they don't "get it," or end up being mad at you, then that's their bad for not understanding that you know what you're doing (as well as your husband since he's 100% supportive of your decision).

I say go for it and spill the beans to the friends of your choosing...this might show who the true people are in your corner and who aren't.

I was in a similar situation where a close girlfriend of mine ended up being **naughty word** at me for me wanting to do this. We still haven't talked to this day. Maybe she's jealous, who knows. What did it affect her? Nothing. I was like "first of all, this is not your decision, and second of all I thought you would be supportive of this if you loved me like a sister like you always said you did." But whatever, my mind, my body, my decision, my money! LOL.

Breaking news like this really brings out the best (or worst for that matter) in people. It'll just show you who's really supportive or not.

Haha I said P.O'd and it translated it into a **naughty word** BTW.

I have told some close friends as it has come up when discussing how much weight I've lost (19lbs down 11 to go) and they think it is cool.

May boyfriend made me promise that I was not doing it for him. When I promised that I was doing it for myself because my "lost" boobs (previously a 32DD/E now an empty 32C) were depressing me he offered to go halves on the cost, after all he "gets to play with them too" lol!

My Mum has always had the view as long as I am happy then she is happy but I think this decision may test her views slightly! She came round to piercings and tattoos (not so much tattoos) but surgery may be asking her to accept too much.

Sort of hoping she won't notice

Not sure how work will react but hey ho, my body, my rules :-)

Hi only my husband daughter and one close friend know about what im doing,i havent told my 3 sisters yet because i think they will try to talk me out of it!!! Iwill tell them afterwards ,only because they will wonder where the boobies have come from !!!x

Hi only me and my boyfriend know about my op and Im not ever telling anyone else. I am a very private person anyway but the main reason is I have an illness that has caused me to have 25 operations in the last four years,alot of them were life saving surgery and I only just scraped through them. I dont think that the people who love me will understand why Im now choosing to put myself through an operation that I dont need to have. I used to be about 11stone but while I was ill I went down to 6stone and have now been settled at 9st for the last few years n my boobs are so empty. I just want to feel a bit more confident but I dont think the closest to me will think that is an important enough reason for another op. Ti x

Good for you Ti, confidence is so important and if having a ba helps you to feel more confident day to day that's a fantastic thing. Mine certainly has already! Best of luck with the op xx

Only my husband and my oldest & closest friend knew- I did not tell my 2 girls 1) because I did not want them to worry and 2) cause one of them has trouble keeping secrets! Lol she's only 9!
I chose not to tell others because I had made my decision and it just simply wasn't up for debate- inevitably friends and family would have wanted to question me about it - i come from a family of big debaters!

Its not weird hun, Its quite a personal subject and if you feel it should be kept between you and hubby, theres no problem at all with that, i've told my family and a few friends but for me im not to fussed and peoples opinions as i have wanted this for such a long time...but not everyone is like myself. Definatley don't make yourself feel like you have to tell people it could be your special secret.

Exactly welshvicci123.........agree 100% there with you! Nobody's business except yours and who you want it to be. :)

Hey hun, its up to you who you tell x I've told my closest family and friends because i know that they will support me whatever i decide in life. I have said i'm not keeping it a big secret and will tell if anyone asks (after all it may be a bit obvious come summer time in skimpy tops and bikinis!) but remember it's your body and as long as you've got ur partner behind you thats all that matters xx

Hi I only told my hubby and my sister and thankfully nobody else has noticed and if they have havent said anything Ive gone from a B cup to a F cup im only 8 weeks post op so dont know if they will go any smaller Hope not.. its a very personal thing so nobody else has to know.. I need to be brave and let my GP know yet, not got round to that one yet.. xx

Ive only told my mum and my fiance. Id really like to keep it that way. I wanted to do this for me, to make me feel right again. I also lost loads of weight and with that my bustline and I found it crushing to my self confidence, particularly in intimate moments - which was hard for DF to accept cos I know he loves me no matter what but after talking it over lots he saw how this affected me and has been massively supportive.

I thought Id be able to not mention it to any of my close friends, sister in law etc who I see most often. So far its been unmentioned but I have been careful. To be truthful I wore padded bras for so long i think I might be able to hide it ok in the winter but as someone else said I think summer is going to be the harder story.

I have felt that I am being disloyal to them sometimes but also I want this to not be a BIG issue with them and how they treat me. I think women who chose to do this are often perceived as vain (very very unfairly) and I would hate to think that was something they felt about me even if they never said. I dont want to have to explain my reasons to them, I just want to feel like me again.

Im prepared - sort of - with what I will say if questioned about it. I think (hope hope hope) my friends will be understanding enough to accept this.

Sharona1 - I too have still got hold of the letter for my GP - dont want him to know either - wish I could avoid that but spose i have to.

I totally agree with everyone's comments. I only told a few people, I decided that as I was having my BA for me and my reasons, and my BF was supportive, I really didn't want anyone else's opinion. We all know how much people like to comment about other people and their lives!
I felt bad not telling my mum, but she is a terrible worrier and did not want that for her. My BF told her once he knew I had come through surgery on Sunday. She thinks I am "barmy, and lovely as I was!".
Now that I am 2 days the other side I don't mind who knows, I am so proud of my new Cahooners !!

yeh im the same as most of the folk here, i only told my family and one work colleague what i was getting done, though i told a few friends i was having an op but nothing to worry about and no one really asked prob because i wrote my messages in such a way that they knew not to! but i havent seen any of my friends since i had it done (nearly 5 weeks post op) and as i have these lovely sports bras to wear they arent on display so doubt anyone will notice when i do see them! i think its a personal thing, its your choice to make and not that i would have changed my mind on what anyone said, but i cant be hoooped with heaps of questions and being talked about!

Like the girls say, it's totally personal hun. I told a million ppl but not my mum *she would be mad* but I"ve had good and bad feedback. Wish I'd kept it to myself. Ah well what can you do?

good luck!

xxx

ali