Not so good news today, =(

I have been at the hospital for 7 hours in total today, saw 3 surgeons, a photographer, had blood tests & MRSA screening, pre assessment nurse and then got told 6-12 more months wait for the operation and then they are pretty sure they wont look the same because their using a Mentor implant in the right while i am stuck with a stupid PIP in the left, they are not going to change the PIP but i don't expect them too to be honest, this is my mistake, not theirs, i have cried and cried today and am really angry with myself for getting into this mess.

The surgeons said they'd had a meeting about me!! They asked my permission to use my photo's for their research & journals across the country and also said they have a reporter doing a huge piece on 'cosmetic tourism' and asked if i would speak to them and also they want the Surgeon who did this to me struck off the GMC so have given me the details to do this, apparently he is about to get his go ahead to perform surgery in this country and they want him exposed.

I am on the verge of going private and having them both done, i don't like the idea of having one PIP and one Mentor implant, i just want two matching boobs again and as soon as possible too, i don't like knowing that horrible surgeon has anything to do with my boobs at all so feel unless i have an op on both i'll never be happy and i'm now wondering if it's worth waiting 6-12months just to feel unhappy afterwards knowing their not the same i just don't know what to do next.

The reason i have to wait that long is that's common practise for the clinic as the op is cosmetic rather than essential

x x

aww huni I'm sorry so your going through all this. Dont really know what to say expect to keep trying and they maybe able to do something for you. hugs xx

Oh no SS lots of from me to you x

So sorry this is not what you wanted to hear x Don't you go beating yourself up, this is not your fault, you need to take nice deep breaths gorgeous and remind yourself of that x

Now, you need to try to take a tiny step back hun and over the next few weeks work out which way you want to go with this, only you can answer that but we will be here to support you all the way x

I know 6 months SEEMS like a long time, but hun that will fly by......however, if you feel you can't wait that long and want to change the other implant at the same time then maybe that is an avenue that you are going to have to explore sweety x If, in your heart of hearts you truly cannot wait and want them both done and this is what is going to make you happy then you are going to have to consider it I think x

Whatever happens hun, take a few days to let it all sink in and for you to mull it all over x

Thinking of you

PS I think you should consider helping them in any way you can in getting that buffoon struck off so that he can never do this again to anyone x

oh ss, i feel for you honey.

I really thought you would be closer to your new perfect boobies.

Can you afford to go private? if thats what you want i think you should go for it.

big cuddles to you hun

Aww honey, I really feel for you. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling today, after such a long wait.

But take one positive thing from this, the BUTCHER will get his comeuppance!!!

ShootingStar wrote: this is my mistake, not theirs

Can you explain what you mean about it being your mistake?

If you go private, will you still have to wait 6-12 months and do you get a 'clean slate' so to speak, do they treat you as a 'totally new patient' but just replace your current implant?

Don't know what to say to comfort you, but just know i'm thinking of you x x x

Ah SS I've been thinking about you all day

I am sorry its not what you wanted to hear. If you can and its ok medically, I think if you can get hold of the money then I would get it done now privately. You've been through so much to have to wait just because its 'procedure'.

What are you going to do?

what an emotional day

I think if it was me I'd try to get it done privately again, I think it's the only way you're going to be completely happy with them again.

Hope you're feeling a bit better, x

I'm so sorry hun, I know all you've wanted is matching boobs again. Could he do the op private the surgeon your seeing at the moment. My heart goes out to you.

shooting star, i am really sorry to hear you news, I wish i could sit and listen to you this evening in the vain hope it may offer you some support at such a low time for you, my goes out to you

don't give up honey, be strong we are all here for you.. xx

Oh honey....so sorry you didn't hear what u wanted to hear.

I agree with Kay that it would be a good idea to spend a few days thinking and letting it sink in. I think u will work out what u want and need to do. If deep down you doubt you will ever be happy with your boobs without getting them both done, then I think the private op could be a good step for you. You have been through so much. Would it be any quicker that way?

Also, would they consider doing one side on the NHS as planned and the other privately, so you have a matching pair? Would it then only cost half as much? It makes sense that it would, although I know things aren't always that straightforward.

Thinking of you

x

Hi Shooting Star,

I've just read your whole diary, I dont know how I haven't noticed it before and I'm sorry for that.

I am so so sorry for everything you have been through. You sound a lovely, caring, strong girl/mum/daughter and OH who has dealt with this so admirably. It is truely shocking what has happened to you and that surgeon needs shooting!

Are you going to help stike him off the GMC register? Do you think you could deal with doing that while trying to deal with your reconstruction at the same time. There's only so much one can take and maybe both right now will be too much?

I think for you to be truly happy and I really think that is the most important issue as it will help heal your emotional scars, you need as near to perfect breasts as can be acheived. And this I feel will be with a private BA and plastic surgeon of your choice with an exellent reputation in reconstructive breast surgery. Also having the pip implant removed and having a new one inserted will help you as you are no longer reminded so much everytime you look at your breasts of your bad experience in Belgium??

But having said this, I am sure the NHS surgeon you have been having consultations with will do a good reconstructive job and you could well be happy and settle with the results. As the implants are different makes does that really mean they wont 'match', no two breasts are identical even in normal circumstances are they?

Another thought, could you not undergo the operation on the NHS for your bad side and 'top up' privately at that same time with a matching implant for your good side?? If this isn't possible with the surgeon you've been seeing, would it be possible with another NHS Reconstructive Plastic Surgeon who also works in the private sector?

I really feel for you and feel sad at reading your diary. I wish you all the luck in the world for your future ops and hope at the end of this journey you will ultimately be happy xxxxxxx Big hugs sent your way xxxxxxIf I can help or support you in anyway please ask, lots of love

hi girls and thank you for your supportive & thoughtful messages...
I just sat here and cried reading them i feel angry and emotional it's horrible, i felt degraded and stupid at the hospital today and more like a freak show than a patient.

Jemmy i meant it's my fault for choosing the surgeon i chose and not researching it right, i should have known better

I'm not really in a good state of mind to take in what you've all wrote so will hopefully feel better tomorrow and be able to take it in, i feel so angry right now but the sort of anger where you feel frustrated because there is nothing you can take it out on (does that even make sense )

I have told the OH i want to sell my car and pay for them to be corrected, i can then save for another car after i feel better, my boobs are for life, the car is just a car, my life is on hold, i hardly work anymore and have not started my midwife training back up this month either cos i'm just sitting waiting for my boobs to be fixed, i just can't do it no more i really can't do it any more

x x x x x

Like Tonic28 I was also very upset when I read your story, you have gone through so much and really coped well with all the trauma. It has been a dreadful experience for you and blighted your life since it happened. But I am sure you will be able to make the right decision and find the right way to correct your boobs so they both look good.

I think it is worth considering selling your car as it is important for you to get back your self-esteem, to get back to your training and feel better about yourself.

But remember it is not your fault in anyway, we all put our trust in the surgeon and that is all we can do. Don't blame yourself!

I hope you feel more positive tomorrow, there is a lot of support for you on the forum, and it sounds as if your OH is behind you all the way. We are all thinking of you and feel for you.

xxx

So sorry to read this SS, just want to send you a big hug like all the others.

If it was me I think, if it was at all possible, I would also go private with an experienced reconstructive surgeon and get the thing sorted out asap. You need to move on with your life not have this hanging over you for possibly another year.

A few things crossed my mind while reading your post. First, the hospital team don't seem to be handling your situation in a very sensitive way. OK, they want to get a reporter involved but are they also going to ensure that your story is presented in a dignified and respectful manner? We all know how reporters love to dramatise cosmetic surgery and to stereotype the people who have it. Second, I'm not sure your case is purely 'cosmetic' anymore. The whole thing must have an impact on your quality of life and psychological well being. I think it might be worth another trip back to your GP to discuss these kinds of things in more detail and see if s/he can give you some extra support

But whatever you decide we'll all try our best to help you get through it

A xx

Aww so sorry to hear about this SS I wouldnt be happy either having different implants especially with the bad rap the PIP implants have.

You cant blame yourself either for choosing the surgeon because there's so many things we overlook before having a BA. You only realize after the op or when you join a forum where you start getting good info.

I would have to agree with some of the other girls here and go for the private option even if it means selling your car, like that you can get the results you want, or is there any way you could sue the surgeon seeing as he is going to get
exposed for malpractice? That might help pay for an op privately too.

xx

I have decided to sell the car and pay for them both to be done, my car is valued at £5000 it's the only way i think i'll be happy and i need to be happy soon, i have not got much fight left in me and feel like i'm on the verge of giving up altogether and i really don't want this to happen. It's so hard keeping my head together but i know i would end up losing it at some point if i sit and wait another year especially if i then go and have problems with the PIP, i'm not taking the chance, i've had enough.

I am not ready to speak to reporters either so this is not going to happen but i am going to speak with a solicitor next Thursday, all i want is the money back i paid this Butcher so i can put it towards a new car, i don't think it's unreasonable to want a refund for being disfigured and abandoned with one implant do you? Hopefully he will be rational and own up and return my money.

I am still feeling tearful today but i am more determined i need to have this over by Christmas, i'm sick of it ruling my life every single day and you know when you've had enough and really can't take no more, it's not been easy being strong and it's changing me as from a bubbly, happy person into an angry, miserable woman. It just has to end soon.

I am going to e-mail the surgeon i am seeing on the NHS as he initially see me privately so does both and he is reconstructive too, he knows my situation and i really don't want to start having to go through the whole story with someone who knows nothing about it so this is my first move forward.

I will let you know what he says x x x x

Oh ss,im really feel for you.I think you are doing the right thing contacting the nhs surgeon as this type of work will be his speciality and im sure will do everything he can to help correct this situation.I must say i agree with annie and i would have thought this is more than a cosmetic problem and cant understand why they dont see this.All the best sweetie,try to think positive and stay strong.We are all thinking of you xx

((hugs)), i posted on your diary, just want you to know my thoughts are with you all the way.x x

thanks girls you're all so lovely and supportive

I have emailed the surgeon and applied for a few temp evening jobs that are going for christmas to help out aswell, i need to put my energy into fixing this rather than sitting waiting for someone else to fix it and fix it i will x x

Oh hun I think you're dealing with this amazingly

I think you're making a sensible decision..only you know how this has affected your life and it sounds as if you need to get this sorted ASAP. I agree with Annie, yours is not a 'cosmetic' case any more.

Seeing a solicitor rather than those reporters is a very wise move..after what you've been through I think it's totally reasonable to want your money back, that's the least you deserve.

I also understand how you wouldn't want two different implants, it wouldn't feel 'right' somehow. Now you'll be able to start again safe in the knowledge that you'll have a good surgeon and good implants

You sound really focussed now, I really admire you hun..good luck with the solicitor next week and for the rest of this journey. You've got everyone behind you here xxx

I'm so sorry to hear this hunny and just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.

It sounds like you are a lot more positive today and I think it's important that you keep busy and find a way to get yourself better asap by getting the job you mentioned and selling your car.
Hopefully you can reclaim your money back from the awful surgeon.

Chin up

Marie

xxx

Oh SS so sorry to hear about this hunny, i think your making the right decision in going private theres no point in wasting all this time and not being happy with the outcome i really feel for you chick i just wanna come and give you a big hug after all you have been through.

I think seeing a solicitor is a good idea, and its also good news he will be named and shamed, its just scary to think of what surgeons are being allowed to operate in the uk...

Keep us updated hun.
x x x

Hi SS,

Think you are dealing with it in the best way - I would def do the same and pay for them both to be done at the same time privately with a surgeon of my choice. In the long run £5000 will be nothing compared to the joy and relief of sorting this mess out and having your nice new boobies...

And I do agree about the media side - you need to concentrate on your new boobs, not your old ones!

Good luck

I'm so sorry to hear about this SS
I definately think you are doing the right thing by selling your car and paying for a private re-op, I think it'll certainly make a huge difference to your life. Your happiness is much more important than a car, a car can be always be replaced.
I truly hope you get this sorted soon sweetie, you so deserve to have things fixed. And I think you're quite right to try get the money back from the other surgeon - you certainly shouldnt have to pay for what he has put you through.
Thinking of you huni
xxx

Thank you girls, it does help me get stronger reading your supportive messages and at least now i know i am not being unreasonable in wanting to sell my car to get it all over and done with, it's no longer suitable for me anyway and i've been saying since i had the baby it needs to go, it's a coupe convertible so only got 2 back seats and i now have 2 little ones in it all the time so it's not practical for me anymore. I have had in since Jan 05 and bored with it too now so am not too disheartened x x x