Bad Reaction from Friend

Well, as some of you already know, I am currently looking into get my boobs done. Nothing final yet, not even been to a consultation yet (mainly because I dont have enough money to go through with it quite yet), just been spending a lot of time gather as much information as possible.
I've spoken to my boyfriend, my mum and about 3 or 4 friends about it. Everyone has been supportive and saying things such as "if it'll make you feel confident and happy with yourself then go for it, but think about it carefully" things like that. Today though, I heard from a friend, well he's more of my boyfriend's friend but I'd consider him one of my close friends - always there for a chat when I need him. Anyways, he just blatantly told me its a terrible idea and not to be so stupid :-( I knew not everyone would approve but its got me feeling really down now. He's usually so nice and supportive to me about everything.
I feel awful.

Hey lovely,

Sorry to hear about that. While no-ones been rude to me in person, I know people not everyone I've told was going to be as supportive as I'd liked.

Try not to let it worry you lovely, it's your desicion at the end of the day. Judgemental people will always be negative about things we do... it's the people that are closest and special to you that you need to worry about.. and it seems most of them have been great!

Any true friend would realise that you're not going into this blindly, and any true friend would want you to be happy, and support you no matter what. For many of us, being happy means having a more proportionate figure.

So if he continues being negative, then I'd stay clear of him. You have the support of the people that mean the most to you, and we'll be here to help you every step of the way

xx

Aw sorry to hear that.

Think you will always get the odd person who gives the bad comment. But I wouldn't let it get to you, you are doing it for yourself. You don't need to justify it!

Hope you feel better soon. Just know we are here for you!

I know how you must feel, one of my best friends is dead against any sort of cosmetic surgery and at the moment doesn't have a clue about what I am about to do. In fact I dont intend to tell her until after the op. My parents aren't really supportive either, only my Mother knows and she'd rather ignore it than talk about it, its like having a one sided conversation with her.
If it continues to be negative I would just give him and yourself some space, if he values your friendship then he will at least try and see why you want it done.

dont worry to much over his remarks hun i got it off quite few people b4 my ba didnt make blind bit of diff once i made my mind up that was it your doing it for u so dont take notice of what peeps say xxxx

Thanks girls :-)
I do feel a bit better now. Its not going to change my mind at all about it, it just got me kinda down. I've spent ages emailing him back and forth about it, with answers to every criticism and point against it - he's trying really hard to talk me out of it. I feel more angry now than upset - I shouldnt have to answer to anyone but myself and my boyfriend.

I agree...while its nice to have people support you its ultimately your decision. If people have negative comments then let them wash over you, your doing it for you and no one else!xxx

I was gonna say you could explain to him why you are having it done and how you feel about your body. But it sounds like you have been emailing him and explaining it and he is paying no attention. I would say to him you appreciate his opinion even though you feel let down by him not being able to support you through this, however you don't understand why it bothers him so much, and i would simply just agree to disagree. i would then spend some time away from him,, jus so he really knows you are p***ed with him.

Just focus on all the love and support from your other friends and family.
xxx

Hiya Hun

I know how you feel as i had some close friends who said it was silly and that they wouldnt suit me etc, but its like the girls have said its your decision and if the people close to you are giving you support then thats all that matters.

Good Luck with everything Hun
x x

Glad you feel better!!!

I have only told two people....my decision... and negative comments are not needed....it is an emotional journey on it's own and it is yours!!

You have all of us here for support xx

I had a friend that had a huge go at me when I told her I was going to get it done, telling me I was stupid, and I'd get a bad back etc. Turns out she was just really worried about me. And now she's so pleased for me. Maybe your friend is worried about you. Maybe they just don't understand. It's your body at the end of the day. So as long as your happy, dont worry about what anyone else thinks.

Hey lovely, what exactly is he against?

xx

He just seems to think that its incredibly dangerous and that its almost certain to go wrong, that I'll end up with some sort of disease from the silicone or something. He also said that it wont solve anything as my insecurities arise from more than my body image.
I tried to explain to him that I'm aware it's not a simple thing to be jumped into lightly, and that I know there are some risks but they're not as likely or as bad as the general population seem to believe. I told him that there are new implants that reduce the risk of rupture and CC and that I'd of course choose a surgeon wisely and make sure I have some aftercare contract in case the worst should happen. I also assured him that I didnt expect it to be some sort of miracle cure for all of my problems, just that it'd help with some of them and give me a bit of confidence.
He's having none of it though. He just seems set against it no matter what I say.

I think it sounds as though he cares for you,- i must admit i almost wanted to have someone that was negative like this, because it would mean they are thinking of the pros and cons, not just the end result.

Its great to have support though. I think i would say i appreciate your opinion, however, i want this done, and i would like your support as a good friend. See what he says. If he turns his back on you, then he's not the friend you thought he was. x

Some people won't listen to reason, despite the MRHA, FDA etc telling us silicone is safe. Even if complications arise, they usually get put right. I've not come across anyone on the net that's had a major complication that's resulted in serious injury.

Oh well, you tried lovely. I'd concentrate on making youerself happy and forget ehat narrowminded people think.

xx

I wouldn't take any notice hun - some people just don't understand why girls would want a ba. I know my dad was quite negative when I told him saying that they would look ridicuous etc but I think when I explained how awful I always felt about myself he was a bit mor supportive! Just try and focus on what will make you happy.

Claire x

Thanks again girls, you've all cheered me up tonight :-) hehe.

Glad you're feeling a bit better hun, like the girls have said some people wont listen to our reasons and will never understand, but i have to say how can this guy know how painfully upsetting it feels to be flat/saggy chested?! Makes me a bit mad when men seem to have alot of say about our breasts when they dont have the foggiest.
Sometimes we have to keep our opinions to ourselves and try to support our friends rather than be quick to judge or be against what they do, thats what friends are for, love and support x

I wouldnt take any notice, I wouldnt want to be friends with someone thats negative and unsupportive.

JoanneR85 wrote:I know how you must feel, one of my best friends is dead against any sort of cosmetic surgery and at the moment doesn't have a clue about what I am about to do. In fact I dont intend to tell her until after the op.

hi joanne, im the same as you....my best friend doesnt even no ive had it done, not yet saw her as she's been on holiday, but i dont plan on telling her either!!! she has boobies...natural big one's and everytime i mentioned i would like them done, she disagreed with them......i think those who r blessed with natural big boobies cant and dont understand what its like to not have boobs.

there's another reason why i havnt said anythin...her bf is really possesive and doesnt like her talking to other guys etc.....he already thinks im a flirt (duno what gives him this impression??) so if he new i'd had a BA i no he'd think it was because i wanted to go and hump the entire town centre!!!
i'm guna see if she actually notices....which would be pretty difficult to not notice!!

xxx

I think he's just concerned, and BA's don't have a great rep and a lot of guys also think its a superficial thing.

I found that when I told close male friends I wanted a BA they all said that I didnt need it and that natural was best etc, etc. None of them had seen my boobs and I wasnt about to show them either. However, I'm pretty sure that if they saw some girl with huge fake boobs they'd all be drooling lol.

My OH wasnt that supportive either but in the end he said do whatever makes you happy. He's also a boob guy so that didnt help much with my hangup. I wouldnt take my bra off in bed and things like that. I had been wanting to do them after I had had my son and it took me 14 years to finally decide.

In the end its your decision, for me its the best decision I made, my hangup is gone and no more avoiding my boobies from being seen.xx

Hi girls,

I can't imagine how difficult it is not to have your other half supporting you, I am lucky that mine was all for it (probably a bit too eager!!!).

I happened to mention in a conversation that I would consider having a BA to my sister-in-law who I am really close to, she didn't like it all, without directly saying it, she made me feel like only a complete tart would even think about it! Like I would be getting them out for everybody to see or something, it really upset me! The last thing I wanted people to think was that I was a tart and getting them done because I wanted it to be the focus of attention!

But now that I have had time to think about her comments, I realised that I would probably come across a few people like that. I'm happy with the reasons I've chosen to do it and all the people close to me knew that I had a complex about it.

I'm lucky that most of my friends have supported me and those who don't obviously don't know me as well as I thought! I have only told people who I knew would support me, I'll have to wait for the rest and deal with it as it comes!

It really makes me laugh when people say it like you just decided one day to get them done, like you would do something that drastic on an 'off the cuff moment'. It's all about ignorance, they don't understand and not willing to try!

If it's something you have decided to do, then ignore the comments, they soon forget about it all, they will have to get used to it!

Did anyone watch The wrights they were actually discussing 'Boob Jobs', its just really irritating me, for the first time I was tempted to phone up and tell them exactly what I thought. The people on the panel just couldnt understand why people get them.

I meant the Wright stuff

Yes, there's so much negative press about BAs and the vast majority of the general public have a really distorted idea about what it is and why we want do it. I hate the media in this regard! :evil:. They just peddle misinformation and focus on 'extreme' cases or people who've had things go badly wrong. So it's not surprising that your friend has difficulty understanding why you want it done.

You just have to be a bit careful about who you tell. Providing you've got those who matter most to you on side, then that's all that matters :)

A xx