Having second thoughts...

Hi guys,

I apologise in advance for what I imagine will be quite a depressing post. I booked my BA last week and was on top of the world, I have wanted a BA for so long, have saved and thought about it for the past 6 years. Since I booked though, I have been thinking 'what's the point?' I know it's reflective of where I am in my life at the moment but I increasingly don't see any point in getting a BA. Yes, it would be for me, but at the same time, I don't have a man in my life and haven't for over 6 months, nor does it seem likely I will in the near future. I live on my own and am increasingly lonely, with few people in the world I can rely on other than my mum who I am absolutely dreading telling about my BA. I am in a strange area (moved here to live with my then-boyfriend in 2011. We've since split up and despite my efforts, I have only one person I can call a decent friend in the area, having been let down by a few others in massive style recently). I am in a job which, while decent, is not what I want to do, and I just feel absolutely stuck, like I'm going nowhere. I wish I had a reason to have a BA, to feel really excited about it, but I don't. There seems to be so many other things that are taking over at the moment, mainly my increasing sense of isolation and loneliness and the realisation that no one really cares. Having a BA seems like such a trivial thing compared to how I am feeling, and I feel like I will just have to suffer it alone which will make me feel even more alone in the world. Again, apologies for the depressing post and hope someone might be able to offer some support.

Thanks girls and have a good day xx

I would say make sure you are getting it for you. I can't even begin to explain what my BA has done for my confidence and how I feel about myself and I don't regret it for a second, I'm pretty sure it's normal to be having doubts just really think about how important it is for you. I did wonder if I should do it. I was thinking if I should just save the money and if I was being selfish with 2 babies, but I'm so glad I didn't back out. There's a reason I wanted the BA and to be honest personally I don't think I coud have been 100% happy with myself until I had it done xx

hun i'm sorry to read you're feeling like this!

but firstly, and like mais said: lets just emphasise one of the points you said: a BA is for you! not for a man or anyone else!
you say you have wanted this for years. think back and remind yourself of all the reasons why you do want it, i know i'm still pre BA too but like mais said i'm sure its normal to have doubts in the run up.
i'm also recently single (though its coming up to 4 months god how time flies), and i think personally this is a good time to do it, as it is just for me and i don't also have to deal with how my partner would take it.
though a lot of the girls' partners on here have been great, some have also struggled.. so for that reason i'm much preferring to do it while i don't have a partner. its enough of a change and huge thing for myself to get through and adjust to, i'm glad i don't have to look out for how a partner is feeling at the same time. this may sound selfish, but now that i'm single again i am concentrating a bit more on me this year!
i can only speak for myself but maybe it will help you too, that i am hoping to feel more comfortable in my own skin and more confident about myself especially in certain situations!
(just to add, anyone who sees me or knows me would never say i wasn't confident) but for me i am hoping this BA will change how i feel about myself from within. and though of course boobs are not instrumental in getting a new man (by no means!) it is more the confidence that stems from them that i am hoping will reflect from the inside out and then sometime down the line i might meet someone new.

also, and i'm sure all the girls here would agree with me, you would never be alone on this journey, we are all here for you!!

i know you're dreading telling your mum, but from what you say she seems to be a big confidante to you in other situtations. and god knows my telling my mum hasn't gone too well so far, but i would still rather be in the situation i am now than not having told her. i don't think i could keep something like that from her because it is so significant to my life.
and you also may need someone to look after you for a few days hun?
there is never a good time to tell her, but just take the plunge! if you feel like she should know, then just tell her. even if she initially doesnt react the way you'd like her to, you (like me) will be relieved its said and out there.

and as for the friends topic: have you ever checked on meetup.com to see if there are any meetups in your area? i use that site whenever i move somewhere new, and it does help in meeting people (though friendships of course take time to develop, at least these can be the first steps).

or have you ever thought about moving hun? either back to where you were before, or maybe somewhere new for a fresh start?

sorry if this has been a bit of a ramble, maybe it at least some of it helped!

Thank you girls so much for taking the time to reply
I'm off to work now but will reply tonight in more detail. Thank you again for your support xxx

hey hun, i just wanted to post but all i'll say is that im pretty much in the same position as blueeyedsoul, glad im single and going through it alone, also hoping that the BA will give me the much needed confidence i need. as for telling mum, why not write her a letter? my mother wasn't happy at first, thought i wanted it done because its the 'done thing' but when i bombarded her with info and the reasons (mine is for my asymmetry) then she eventually came round to it. she doesnt always talk about it openly now mind you, i think until the consult comes round she wont realise how serious i am but shes in for a shock! xx

Goldilockz Im sorry your feeling this way. You might just be having a bad day. You have worked hard to save uo for your BA and ike you said this is for YOU.
Im a great believer in living life to the full and living it happy. If a BA is going to make you happy why not? You never know it may lead to you meeting someone new. My confidence has soared already and Im only 7 days post! x

Brilliant post from blueeyessoul:) xx

Agreeing with all the above! And there is always someone here to talk to goldi! If you lived closer I'd be round for a cupper! As it stands it would probably take me about 7 hours tho lol!

It does sound like you are unhappy where you are. I would definitely consider moving/looking for a new job at least. When you are happy in yourself (and I am sure the BA will help you feel good about yourself, only for yourself) you attract the right people naturally. Focus on what will make YOU happy and you will find other things fall in to place. xx

I totally agree with the other girls x when having a BA you do it for you, no one else Hun! And there is always someone here to talk too x

Sorry to hear that you are feeling low but as others have said having a BA needs to be for YOU. I cant express how much having my surgery has improved my life even with the revision and all the issues I had with that. I dont regret it for a second. My situation is different to yours but I remember thinking about how much I was taking away from my family.. I remember thinking "I shouldnt be so selfish, I shouldnt spend all this money on such a trivial thing, what if I dont wake up from the GA and my daughter will lose her mum over a BA, maybe I should just get over it and stop being so vain"... etc etc. I even nearly got off the table in the anaesthetic room cos I thought I was being so selfish. At least being on your own means that you can do something for yourself without feeling like you are pressurring anyone else. Plus the added confidence it will give u may help you to enter any future relationships with an added confidence and strength and you hopefully wont have another relationship like the last one. Your BA may be the one thing you need to help you feel happier in your life...but only you will know if its the right time xx

Firstly hun, please don't EVER apologise for any post you might make here. Whatever your feeling. What ever decisions you make.... We're here for you

Its so common after booking surgery to have doubts babe. I could find you post after post from previous members with a million different reasons why they felt they should cancel their surgery after booking lovely. I can assure you that what you're going through really is a case of the pre-op jitters.

When you read about a BA journey being an emotional roller-coaster you really can't ever imagine what that can mean until you're actually living it lovely and these feeling feelings throwing you from positive to negative thoughts are a sadly one of the hard parts of this journey and something so many of us can and do relate to sweetheart.

You're just 28 years old and have a whole life ahead of you. You've booked this surgery because its something YOU wanted for YOU babe. This hasn't been an easy decision for you I know and you've taken the steps right up until booking your surgery so seriously. You've researched, you've questioned, you've most importantly 'before' booking lovely.... You questioned yourself and after all the painstaking time you put into this decision - you booked!

I think the wall standing in front of you and your BA right now has your mum behind it babe. And whether you make a decision to tell her not, that really is up to you lovely, but I think once you've acted on your decision this wall will drop hun

Here for you whatever you decide babe. Xxxxx

Hi lovely girls,





First of all, thank you so so much for replying. I’m sitting
here with tears in my eyes having read your posts. I am too much of a thinker
at the best of times and especially when it comes to such a massive decision as
this, I end up overanalysing everything and getting myself really worked up. I’m
starting to think, yes this is for me, but wouldn’t the increased confidence
result from the way I think other people will react to me more positively
because I would be more shapely? For example, if I lived alone on an island,
there would be no point getting it done ‘for me’ because there would be nobody
to approve…see how anxious my thoughts become?! I don’t think I’m having pre-op
jitters as such because I don’t feel scared (yet) but it’s more like ‘what am I
doing this for? What’s the point?’ I suppose at the core of it is that I’m not
worth it or that it bring me too much attention or something…I’ve always had
pretty low self-esteem and sometimes I feel guilty or weird for attempting to
make myself more attractive (I did a bit of modelling when I was in my teens
and got absolutely ripped for it by the school bullies which is probably
related)…Anyway, sorry for this post sounding like a rambling journal entry, I
have been feeling very low today and increasingly like everyone else in the
world is having a wonderful time while I am just becoming quite depressed (of
course I know that’s not true).





I agree that now, when I’m single, is the best time to get a
BA as opposed to having the opinions of a partner to contend with. Cookie, you
are also right in saying that the issue of telling my mum is really standing in
the way. Funnily enough, I just received my booking confirmation form. All I have
to do is sign it and send the deposit and that’s it confirmed, but I’m still
unsure. I might give it a week or two…





Thank you all for your support, particularly Blueeyedsoul.
Your post was so uplifting and positive, thank you xxx

hi hun, i don't really have anything to add other than what the other girls have already said but i just wanted to say that we are all here for you. I have been following your journey and I was so pleased when you booked, you haven't rushed in to this at all, so it's sad to see you are now doubting things. I hope you are able to come to a decision on what is best for you and if we, or i, can help in any way then don't hesitate to ask

you're very welcome hun! x
we're all here for you so ramble on as much as you want

Thanks Blueeyedsoul
Newboobz, you're right. This is something I want for myself and have wanted for a long time. I keep thinking I'm placing too much emphasis on my looks or being a bit conceited/ vain...but this is the body I have been given and it is my prerogative to augment it if I so desire! I have decided I am going to write a letter to my mum this weekend. I hope she understands. xxx

Hi goldilocks, sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I can understand how you feel when you are in a place you haven't settled in and you are feeling lonely. It can feel very isolating.
I had the same pre op questions and concerns as 5stdown to the point that last year I booked then cancelled 2 wks before. A year on and the reasons I wanted a BA didn't go away. So I decided over Christmas to do it. My marriage then broke down & I questioned it all again & nearly cancelled. My mum never 100% supported my decision the first time round but to my surprise she really supported me to go ahead this time. All I can say is I'm so glad already I did it, something for myself, yes some people may see it as a selfish thing to do but who cares! You get one life & if you want to do it then go for it!
I hope you come to the right decision for you Hun & good luck with your mum x

goldi - I agree with what all the ladies have advised you, but want to add something else for you to mull over..

When I booked I definitely had flickers of 'why?' etc.. the same things you are experiencing and as cookie says, many many others. I didn't have support from my OH atall, and I actually found that it made me really make sure it was right for me.

I think you have to be honest with yourself and understand that your BA will not fix anything in your life other than literally giving you boobs. The confidence that can accompany that is dependant on you. I am fortunate that lack of boobs didn't result in lack of confidence - so that's made me have to search further for my 'why'

My why is simple. I want to have breasts again because they are a huge part of what makes me a woman.

I went for a hike 3 years ago with a dear friend and was talking about boobs to her. She said that her beautiful, healthy, happy-go-lucky aunt recently turned 60 and had confided in her niece that her only regret in life is that she'd allowed others to talk her out of a boob job when she was in her 30s. It was at that moment that I knew I didn't want to be that 60 year old. I would regret NOT getting a BA. At that point I really didn't know when or how I would make it happen, but I knew I would.

If you can live without having this surgery, then perhaps it's not right for you. I don't want to add to your wobbles, but if there is the possibility that you are not stable emotionally, then wait.

If you imagine postponing - does it feel like a relief or does it make you feel the way I did when I knew I didn't want to reach 60 and regret not doing it??

mais04 wrote:Brilliant post from blueeyessoul:) xx

thanks mais!

and also wanted to say great post from boodreams, you're so right! just on my home from work today i was thinking so far in my life i have only ever regretted the things i haven't done or said, but never the things i did do or say. x

Salmac, what an inspirational message and I’m so pleased you
went ahead and had a BA, you obviously did it when the time was right and I
commend you for that. You’re right, we only get one life and it’s about time I
did something for myself without wondering about the effect it’ll have on
others.


Boodreams: Wow! That’s definitely some food for thought. No,
I don’t wish to regret not doing anything in my life that I have desired, and
this is something I have wanted for a long time. I am realistic in that I
certainly don’t expect a BA to give me confidence or sort out my emotional
struggles. I simply want to like my boobs a bit more than I do at present.
However, the fact I am going through a difficult time and feel very emotionally
fragile makes me wonder whether this is right for me, can I cope with the
emotional implications? It is quite a traumatic thing to happen after all and I
know many people experience depression for a while afterwards. I am far more
scared about how I’ll cope mentally than physically.


You’re right Blueeyedsoul. The things I have regretted in my
life are centred around other people mainly: not doing something for fear of
being rejected etc. This is something I want. I’m definitely feeling more like
I want to do it now but am scared of how I’ll be able to handle the emotional
side of things…

I wish I lived near you just so I could come round a give you a big hug . I felt sad reading your post. You are such a beautiful woman and I am sorry you feel lonely, its an awful thing. Just wanted to say that I had my 1st b a 2 years after my husband, who was my soulmate and the love of my life, died. I was only 46 when I was widowed with 2 children still at home age 9 and 11(2 older ones flown the nest) When I was thinking about having it done I too thought whats the point? But I was doing it for me and it was the best thing I ever did, it was nt done to please a man or anyone, it was done for me. It boosted my self esteem and I liked what I saw. None of us can tell you what you should do but most of us can tell you its one of the best things we ever did. In feeling better about yourself it can lead on to do many things you may not have had the confidence to do prior . My message is that in feeling better about yourself it can make other things seem not quite so bad. Hope it makes sense. Sending you a massive hug xxxxx

To mirror what the single ladies have said... I had a bf at the time I'd my ba, he was an asshole about it and he ruined the experience for me, ive been seeing someone since and I can't tell u how much of a different person it has made me with regards to dating, relationships, sex - u take away that niggling feeling of he can't find me sexy with horrendous boobs and its crazy how much of a different mindset u are in. Plus anyone I meet now didn't see my boobs when they were strapped up, square looking, or had to help me wash after days of stinking like my ex did... I've updated him on the twins progress tho naturally ;-)

I think with the ba, follow your gut instinct

Also with the friends situation there are loads of websites for extending your social circle and we will all support u if u go ahead xx

Hi Goldi, sorry you're feeling like this :-(
As most of the girls on here said I too can understand what you're feeling and identify myself with you and aspects of many other girls on here. I got rid of my abusive ex nearly four years ago and since then haven't even thought letting another man get close. I did go through the stages of 'what's the point of getting a BA? no man will get anywhere close to them anytime soon... or if they like me, they have to like me as I am'. But at the end of the day I was looking at my boobs in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw...So I definitely had my BA for myself and myself only. And again doing it while single has its benefits as blue pointed out, not worrying about your partner, when you're dealing with the BA, etc.
Then as 5sd said I had the guilt, should I be spending this much on myself? what if my kids lose their mum cuz of a BA? Talking to friends really helped at this stage, unfourtunately I didn't know of this forum until very recently. I think you've got the advantage that you can put worries like this on here and get a straight response from other girls who can empathise exactly with what you're going through and give you support.
From you're pic I can see that you're a very beautiful girl and I'm sorry you've experienced bullying when younger, which seems to be the result of jealousy. I understand that that may have affected your self- esteem and may have led you to feel like this now just because you're trying to enhance something about yourself. So like cookie said this is just part of the natural process most of us go through on this BA journey, just cuz all of us have different backgrounds, we have different issues and obstacles to overcome. So just remind yourself why you've waited for 6 years and saved for a BA to doubt it only now when you've booked??
I've also never regretted something I've done that I wanted to do, but not doing it. So I would just say hang in there sweetness, this is just a bump in the road of your BA journey and ride it out. We're all here for you hun, happy to listen and support you in any way we can. xx

Hi guys,


Just to thank you all for your lovely comments, it’s so good
to speak to people who understand what a difference a BA would make to my life.
It’s a scary venture but it’ll be so worth it. I woke up today with a much more
positive attitude, have just been having a bit of a low week, so feel much more
level headed today. Just hope that doesn’t happen again as the BA date
approaches. I will be writing a long letter to my mum this weekend as I don’t
want to leave it any later, and then paying my deposit next week I hope.


Little wellies: I’m so so glad your BA has changed your
attitude with regards to sex, relationships etc. I don’t know what effect it’ll
have on me because I haven’t really been out with anyone apart from my
ex-boyfriend since my early twenties but I am guessing it’ll be a very positive
experience when Mr Right comes along. I have been asked out a few times
recently but don’t want to get involved with anyone right now, I want to be
settled in my new body first! My gut instinct is that I want to do this. If you
don’t like something: change it. I have worn padded bras since forever. Never
have I owned a bra that wasn’t padded. I think a BA will alter my body image
massively. Yes, I am looking into joining a few meetup groups just now xx


Angie: The thought process you describe is exactly what I
have been experiencing: ‘if they don’t like me the way I am, then sod them’ but
the fact is, I don’t fully accept my body the way it is and I’m the one that
has to live with it. Thank you, yes I do think most bullying is the result of
jealousy, but it has made me a bit of a wallflower as opposed to someone who
struts her stuff. I think my doubts arose because all of a sudden, it’s not a
hypothetical situation, it’s real and that’s pretty scary! Putting your body in
the hands of someone with a scalpel, eek! But you only get one shot at life and
if I didn’t do this, it would prey on my mind until I did, and I’d always think
‘what if…’?


This forum is fantastic, isn’t it? Such a range of lovely
women who are so supportive and understanding. I do think it’s going to be an
essential part of my recovery.


Oh, and well done for getting shot of your abusive ex. That
takes immense courage. xx

Hi Goldi, so good to hear ur feeling more positive today , and I hope that ur second thoughts period is done with. As u said, I know that if ud backed out, ud just be down this road again some time down the line as I know many of us have done. Then the only thing ull regret is not having done it earlier, again, a common feeling amongst many of us. Good idea to write that letter to ur mum, no point postponing the inevitable x.
As to jealousy, it does nasty things to people, it requires strength to realise that bitchy comments or bullying are not about u, it's about the person who is doing it, their insecurity and the fact that they hate that u have something they don't, always have been, always will be :-), it can be about looks, brains, status, family or whatever. So whenever I feel jealousy from someone I smile and take it as a compliment, trying to teach this to my daughter too.
So plz Goldi, don't let it affect ur self esteem any longer, u know what ur unhappy with, fix it and let it do to ur confidence what it's done to most if us, make it soar.!!

As to my ex, that was a hard time, but since I got rid I'm on a roll, getting my life back on track, kids r happier, got my freedom, my degree, my boobies, sky is the limit. No regrets, except maybe not having it done earlier, but that's always the case eh?? Xx