Having thoughts..

hi all,

sorry for the ramble that is about to follow, i am on my phone and was going to wait till tonight when i'm on my laptop but then felt like i needed to get it off my chest..

basically over the past few days and weekend (i've been abroad working and then visitng family and friends) i've been having some wobbles about going through with my BA.. but as some of you know I booked a few weeks ago and paid a £500 deposit.

the first thing is the financial commitment. this BA would take up ALL of my savings.. thinking about a boobie fund i would have to save £40 a month for 10 years to get £4,500 for a re-op. if i needed it earlier i wouldn't have the money, as i don't have a partner, its just me. and though my parents have always been financially supportive, they definitely would not help me out with this.
and the thought of saving £40 a month means less opportunity to save for holidays and i do love travelling. i'm not even going out that much at the moment, but when i was still in a relationship we definitely spent quite a bit on leisure activities..
i can't lie, when i thought about cancelling at the weekend i was a little bit relieved due to the money aspect.

the next thing is i have been reading a lot on this forum (apart from the good stories which make me feel excited) about boobie blues, not being happy with results and still having pains etc weeks and months on.
i have a very demanding job and last week received very postive feedbacl from my employer regarding my career. so i don't want a BA to jeopardise the time and effort i can put into my job. i also wouldnt be able to take any more time off this year at all, for any possible conplications etc.

these are two main worries that i have.

i have also read your stories on the fantastic thread about the one reason that made you decide, and i've got to admit mine is also pure vanity and wanting to feel good about myself.
my tiny boobs don't stop me from doing things, and they're not deformed just small (AA).
i wear padded bras and padded bikinis, i do go swimming and to the beach and i do take my top off during sex (with my long term partner. i did always feel somewhat embarassed when he focused on my boobs in those situations, but he said he liked them.) though thinking about having to strip off in front of a new partner is of course a nerve wracking thought!

however i've been starting to feel better about the rest of my body recently as i've started working out again and can see some results! and then i think should i really put my healthy body through that just for boobs?

i do feel disappointed when i think about not getting them done, but slightly relieved due to the money and i suppose the truth is, i could live with my tiny boobs if i had to.. even if i would love love love to have a nice B cup (i am also worried about them bein too big and taking away my 'slim' look as my upper body is what make me look slim currently, definitely not my thighs..)

i think its too early for pre-op jitters i think so having some serious 2nd thoughts i'm afraid :(

ramble over girls, thanks for listening x

Hun its very good you're thinking things fully through!! nothing worse then going through with the surgery and being unhappy. Sounds like you have higher priorities at this time and if you dont feel its the right time for the op then dont go ahead with it.. When the time is right, you'll know :)
Big thumbs up to you starting to enjoy your body now!! And also with your job. All the best X

Wow blueeyedsoul, seems like uve been really thinking about this.. Also it seems that uve made ur mind up and not wanting to go through with it and trying to convince someone else. It also doesn't seem to be directly connected to fear if things going wrong but about other practical things and whether u feel its completely necessary which u seem to feel its not.
Personally I'm extremely happy with having done it and the result so far and I felt it really affected me but only in the sense of being intimate with someone.
The only thing I'd suggest to u is to write a pros and cons list and see which ones will win. But that's if ur have any doubts for either decision but if u feel that ud be happy leaving things as they are then u may not even need to do the list. Just do whatever make u happy and good luck. Xx

i don't think its too early for pre op jitters at all, i got them before i even booked and i booked 2 months in advance. You said yourself 'i feel disappointed at the thought of not getting them done and i'd love a B cup but i could live with my boobs now' which is a very typical thing to say if you're having jitters.

If you were to actually cancel would you feel predominantly relieved or disappointed? I know it's such a big financial commitment and i think every single person on here feels guilty for spending that much money on themselves but you just have to read the diaries, the posts etc to see how much it has changed our lives for the better and there is no price to be put on that.

Maybe the time just isn't right for you hun?



xxx

Having a BA is a very personal journey and not one that's right for everyone hun...

In coming to forums such as ours you get to see the good and the bad side so the cosmetic surgery business.

Its true, there are no guarantees with this surgery and there will be a risk of complication. This should be made very clear to you by your surgeon, but for those of us that WANT this, the need for boobs by far outweigh the need to deal with a complication should you be unfortunate to be the one who has one.

You're right in saying you feel its different for yourself because you don't feel that need, you just want... But do you want them enough?

The post-op blues are a small part of a BA journey and generally occur within the first week of surgery, although can be later... But it lasts a couple of days to a week at most and for those who continue healing well its an amazing experience that can infact become lifechanging.

I will say that I've heard some say they're not happy with size, some say they're not happy with scars, some say they're not happy with shape.... But NONE say they're sorry they did it.

Give yourself a little time to digest your thoughts hun and don't forget that you're mainly only seeing early pre-ops or re-ops on a forum. Those that are happy with their surgery do tend to move on and enjoy their boobs and they just don't need us anymore (we have a few oldies on here but that's 'cos we just all love each other) so take that into account sweetie and whatever t decide... You WILL have our full support. Xx

thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply ladies, it means a lot!

i think you're right cookie, others do tend to move on i suppose.. i was getting a bit worried that it would take over my life longterm..

if i knew i could get it done, heal and move on, i would be in theatre tomorrow!
but i AM worried about it impacting my job (how bad are the pains, will i be able to concentrate?), having to fork out for a re-op earlier than 10 years from now which would send me into debt, it impacting my lifestyle in terms of not being able to afford travel / go out as much (and potentially investing in property at some point down the line?? though not in the next 5years).. and just generally having complications with my health does worry me..

my head is in a bit of a muddle at the moment

I have quite a physical job (in my opinion anyway) im a midwife and i just took it steady. I was fine after two weeks although i did find some things awkward but pain didnt hinder me.

Money wise im saving ALL my money for a house now. Ill worry about the boobs when it comes to it and i need them doing il find a way and they are soooo worth it :)

You CAN have a BA and move on lovely, but chances are this wont be your last surgery... When that next surgery will be? Who knows? Could 6 years, could 15 years or you could be like me and only get 3 years...or you could be extremely luckily and keep your implants your whole life. This is the chance we all take.

Choosing aftercare will help make your decision easier, but when that runs out there's still that possibility looming and you have to weigh up all the things you've spoken about in your post against that risk.

Like I said hun, it is a personal decision and for those that really want this it can be an amazing experience for them, but if you're happy with your body and its not affecting your life, its especially important you do weigh up whether or not you think the risks are worth it to YOU. XX

Try writing a pros and cons list Hun x for me there was no real pain after surgery, and all the twinges etc I get now are not bad enough to stop me doing anything! The thing is you don't know how much "pain" your going to be in until you've had surgery, everyone is different and heals at different rates!

As for needing a re op within the next ten years, again that is something no one no matter how much knowledge they have can foresee.

Financially, it is a long term commitment, when you have a BA you go into it knowing that at some point wether it be 1 year, 5 years 10 years or even 15 years down the line, you are going to need more surgery!

If you do it, you do it to improve your quality of life and your self esteem Hun. I personally felt I had to do it, for the sake of my mental health and for my kids. I wouldn't even take them on holiday or go swimming! Even after just 7 weeks it had dramatically changed my life, for the better.

You have taken the time to do your research, meet surgeons and book your BA, so it's obviously something you feel you need/want. But if the time isn't right for you, then all I can say is dont do it Hun, but make sure it's the right decision for you! The last thing you want is to get to the day that would have been your BA day and feel regret! Good luck xx

Hey blue,
as you know im still pre ba and i have these worrys aswell. Mainly for me its that im still 21 and im going to have to spend thousands on my boobs and therefore have re-ops throughout my life. I agree this is the biggest negative of having a BA.
Last year i was ready to book but decided not to as i lost some weight and it just wasnt something i wanted as much. Now a year later ive decided that im going to go ahead and get it done because now im used to being lighter in weight, i still am unhappy with my boobs and i now know i wont start to feel any better.
Sometimes the time just isnt right but like the other girls say, you need to decide for you wether you think this is something you want or whether at this moment in time you think your happy how you are.
Just keep us all updated, what ever decision you make will be the right one for you xx

Hi lovely,

It made me a little sad to read this because I feel you and I are pretty similar and you've helped me a tremendous amount so I hope I can be a tiny bit helpful to you. The fears and concerns you are having are very common. I had them right after I'd booked and before I'd paid my deposit (which I have now done). I posted a thread and the responses I got very extremely helpful. What I found most helpful was one person's suggestion to imagine how I would feel a few months or even years down the line if I hadn't had the BA. Would it still be on my mind? Would it be something I could forget after a while? I realised that if I didn't go through with it, the likelihood would be that it would be a niggling thought for years to come and I would probably regret not getting it done or wonder what it would be like. Perhaps doing the same might help you reach a decision one way or another.

I also found it helpful to remember you only have one shot at life and you should do absolutely everything you can to make it a good one. My boobs are a B cup and I could live with them happily enough, though not being completely satisfied with them and dreading undressing in front of a new partner. OR I could go ahead with the BA and do what I could to make myself feel better about my breasts and my body. I don't want to feel like I just have to 'make do' so I personally feel the financial commitment is worth it. I live alone, my job isn't well paid and I am paying for my BA completely myself, as I will do for any re-ops. I personally feel it's worth it and having to save £40 a month or there abouts means one less meal out or one less pair of shoes. It's a no-brainer. However, you might feel a bit differently. If the financial commitment is praying on your mind and you're concerned about how a BA might affect your health or your body, it's time to seriously consider if this is the right move for you. Whatever you choose, we'll all be here for you xxx

Hi blueeyedsoul,

I can see were you are coming from and its only normal for you to have these worries. like the other girls suggest maybe you should ask to postpone your surgery date even into july/august to give yourself more time to think about it. I wouldn't cancel immediately as you may have a change of heart in the next month or two!

I am in a similar situation as Jennifer - Im 20, which means i will more than likely have to have more re-ops that most other girls on here and as you say, financially we don't really know where we will be in a few years/ 10 years or even 15 years time. to tackle the financial issue i do intend on putting some money aside each month so that if something does arise at least i have some money set aside.

with regards to your career, maybe right now isn't the perfect time for you but that doesn't necessarily mean you can never get it done! I would just take some time to think about it and as recommended by the other girls write a list of pro's and cons to help you weigh out your options!!

Good luck, and I'm sure you will do whats best for you xxx

Hi Hun, its good that you are thinking about it properly as it is a big decision and it will need long term commitment. Forgetting the money for now you really need to decide how it will effect you if you don't do it. Will you not really mind or would you always wish you had bigger boobs. In terms of it affecting your job etc I had my first ba when I had a very. Demanding job. I took two weeks holiday ( they though i went off camping) and then went back to it without anyone knowing. If I had had complications, re-ops etc then yes it would of affected my job but to be honest I went into it knowing v little (no forums like this) so the thought didn't cross my mind.

In terms of money at the time I was working so paying for it was no problem. I knew about further ops down the line but the now was what was important. Improving my quality of life. Giving me the confidence to feel great about myself and so I would find the money needed one way or the other!

Having my re-op recently I felt more guilty about the money. I've been a stay at home mum for 10 years so money isn't quite as plentiful as it was and so yes it felt like a lot to spend just on me. Luckily my hubby was great- his words were we always knew they would need changing its what we signed up for and what we'll find the money for each time it needs doing.

When yours need changing you don't know what your financial situation will be. But as you are so young now and doing well at work it will more than lijely be better than it is now. For me as a sah mum I would def have gone back to work to pay for it if we had needed me to as the benefits far outweigh the negatives.

I guess what I'm trying to say is think hard about what you want and why you want it but don't let money be the deciding factor as I often think we don't live enough for now. Good luck with your decision xx

Aww, whatever you decide to do it will be for your best interests, you sound like you've got your head screwed on properly.xx

hi girls,

thank you all so SO much that you took the time to respond to my post, each individual reply means so much to me!

i am taking the time to read and re-read all of your posts and have a good think about them, as you have all made such valid and important points!

thank you!!! xxx

Hi honey,
I had all those feelings and some extras guilt on top as it was money and time I was taking away from my children. It could have been a holiday ect. I ended up backing out of my first date as I was about to be put out. I ended up going in to the loo and looking at my marked p boobs for ages thinking do I really need to do this?! The ps came along and said he was canceling my o that day. Initially I was relieved that they said I could have all my money back and I was thinking what a relief I didn't waste all that money. By the next day I was a MESS! so gutted when I woke up and saw the boobs I didn't like/want. It wasn't until after that I realized how much I wanted it.

Now being post BA and event though I have had a little wobble about my rightie I am so pleased I did it. I am a million happier now that I was then. I can honestly say I am better off. Even if I ended up having a reop ect. I am a PT which is obviously a very physical job. I took a week off and work the rest out so I didn't need to do much else other than shout. By the end of week 2 I was fine and perfectly able to work. I only needed a few paracetamol in the first 24hrs. I am 5 weeks tomorrow and feel like I am 100% again and have fel like this since week 3/4.
You sound like a real planner to me and have your future mapped out. I think that's great, I am similar to that to, but the reality is we don't know what is round the corner. We could win the lottery, get an amazing job or pop our clogs. Sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith. When your having surgery your putting all your trust in someone which I think is the scaryist thing. I wouldn't change a thing now :O)
Good luck with your decision! xx

well ladies, firstly can i just say a massive thank you to all of you who have commented with such incredibly helpful thoughts - you have been so so helpful to me! :flowers:

so after having a MASSIVE wobble and putting everything in question, i have gone and thought long and hard about everything and also all of your comments, and i am back to being 90% sure that i'm going ahead!! (the other 10% i'll explain further down)

i am so over the financial concerns after having done a few calculations, i think it will be possible, and hearing other outlooks on this from you girls, you just made me realise that while its good think things through, i do tend to over think things more often than not, and that can get in the way of things for me sometimes.

before i had my wobble i had of course done my research, found a surgeon i was and still am comfortable with and who i trust, and had decided that while the risks were there, they were quite a low calculated risk with the right surgeon and possibly a bit of luck, and i had decided that this is worth it!

thank you to those who have reassured me regarding my job, and that i will still be able to do it, even in recovery!
i am not a wimp and have worked with all sorts of hangovers, headaches, and food poisonings before- it never stops me, so hopefully i can get over some stinging and twinges as well, while sitting at my desk!
and while my work means a lot to me, and especially with my current opportunity and being able to put the hours in (no one at home anymore who would whinge about me coming home late or checking work emails at the weekend) , i do agree that its equally important to live for yourself as well, and live for the now as you have said!

you girls are also right in saying, imagine how i would feel a few years on if i didnt do this, and the truth is it would still be on my mind, as it has been (in varying intensities) for the past 10 years.
and yes i would feel predominantly disappointed if i got to my would be BA day and it wasn't happening!!

all this has brought me to the conclusion that yes, i do want to go ahead!! and i have become more excited again, though of course still scared!!

now i think my wobble came partly from not having my mum's support when i told her, and i saw her last weekend again, and though we didnt have much time to chat (she had wanted a big chat about this) all she really conveyed again was that she just didnt approve at all.

now i do tend to get on quite well with my parents, but i used to be influenced quite a lot by them, which is why i found it difficult to stand by this decision with my mum being so against it.

and i went from standing by a BA to worrying about how i would be perceived e.g. by work colleagues if they noticed and found out. what about my credibility etc? i am conceived as being a very strong, confident and opionated person, and there is or can of course be a stigma attached to cosmetic surgery, so though i thought i was going to be open about it, i think i would now rather keep it more close to my chest (no pun intended haha!!) then i originally thought..

now my last 10% of worry crept in today when i had an email from my dad, who was going to come visit in a couple of weeks but had to postpone and said how about end june / beginning of july instead!! (my date is 21st june)
this made me realise that i will have to tell him as well, though i was toying with the idea of not telling him, seeing how bad my mum reacted was enough.
and my heart just sank! they are very anti surgery, i am their eldest of 3 daughters, and i am also the only one in the whole and extended family who decided not to become a teacher, so in a way i feel like i am disappointing them again when i tell them i'm going to have a BA!!
and then sometimes to myself i also feel like i'm losing face in front of myself, because one thing i've always said, was i don't mind wearing a bikini at the beach etc, because if you look around you, there will always be someone who looks worse than you!! that comment has always cheered up friends who mentioned body issues or covering up on the beach, and i do still believe this, but also what is wrong with improving oneself?
its like people who complain about weight and do nothing about it, or are unhappy in their career but do nothing to change it?

as someone posted in a similar thread recently, i do have the courage to change it, though sh**ing myself lol.

and girls because you've been so incredible, i just feel the need to extend some personal thank you's:

nikki: you're right, i am quite the control freak lol, but i am taking a leap of faith! it was me who chose my surgeon after all! i followed your story and really felt for you, so happy it all worked out well second time round!

kelly: you made me remember that i do have my head screwed on properly and that i wasn't going mad lol!

redtulip: your insights on having a BA and a demanding job were invaluable!

g: thanks for mentioning the postponing (made me realise i didn't want to!), and for saying not to cancel immediately!

goldi: you have been more than a tiny bit helpful! you are so so right in your thinking, because yes i would still feel the same a few years down the line, the thoughts wouldnt go away. and you're right, we only have one shot at life! lets make the most of it!

jen: thanks for your kind words and sharing my worries about finance!

lisa: thanks for sharing your new positive attitude, and especially for this sentence: "The last thing you want is to get to the day that would have been your BA day and feel regret!" you're right!

cookie: you are the most amazing help and lifeline to so many girls here and you have been great here! you took the pressure of my decision and said you would support my decision no matter what. thank you!
and you are right to put things in perspective as you say, a lot of girls who are happy and move on, don't come on here anymore as often.

cazzy: thank you for your thoughts on the job aspect, good to hear you coped well! and your comment on the money aspect was great and showed me that it wasnt a decision about boobs and nothing else for the rest of my life.

newboobz: thanks for putting my thoughts down to jitters and for asking if i would feel predominantly relieved or disappointed.

angie: thank you hun, you got me thinking a lot about why i was having these thoughts!

and tsmith: thank you for your comment and suggesting that maybe the time wasnt right, because it got me back to thinking that i did want them done!

sorry for this loooong post ladies, but you have all been so amazing, so personal thanks were in order along with explaining my thought processes (complicated as always lol) and updating you all :)

xx

Oh I'm so glad to read this! Really good to hear ur going ahead, I'm so happy with my choice and I'm waiting with excitement to hear u say that soon tooxx

I'm really eased your feeling better honey! X

I really feel for you but I'm pleased you have decided on the direction you want to head in.

I too have had all the same concerns, in particular financial issues. This has been something ongoing for years therefore I have now come to the conclusion that there is never going to be a right time financially and in comparison to friends it's not going to cost as much as what their cars loans do!

At the end of the day it is such a personal journey and somewhat roller coaster you need to do what is right for you.

Big hugs

I'm pleased you've decided to go ahead Hun xx

Aww this is lovely, and its so good to see youve thought it through thoroughly and are being sensible. It does sound like you have been influenced by your parents but you know, its also good to be the trailblazer and go off out there and do your thing not anyone elses. Good on you girl! xx

Hi hun, this was so lovely to read and I'm so delighted for you, although of course we would all support you in whatever decision you would have made. You definitely have your head screwed on: a smart, ambitious woman who knows what she wants. This is extremely admirable. As for disappointing people, whether you decide not to become a teacher (and no disrepect to teachers but there are MANY career paths you could take that are as admirable if not more than being a teacher), the only person you have to ensure is happy and not disappointed is yourself. People have their own sh*t to sort out. If your parents are disappointed, that's to do with them, not you. Look after yourself, do what is best for you and spend a bit less time worrying about disappointing people because regardless of what you do, there will always be someone who doesn't agree. As long as you are satisfied with your decisions, it shouldn't matter. OK, cliche time over! xxx

THANK YOU my lovely! i do worry too much about others sometimes, and feel guilty about stuff that i'm not even responsible for.. weird eh?!

but yes, it will be good, i can't wait! and once i've got the email to my dad out of the way (and the visit to them that will follow over the late may BH) then i can finally start looking forward to my boobies for real!! x

WELL DONE!!!!!!! im soo happy to read your post hun.. You've put sooo much thought into this and im glad you've taken every possible aspect into consideration. You seem like one strong lady so thumbs up

You will absolutely feel awesome once you have the boobies you've dreamt of!!!! soooo much confidence shines through that you never knew you could have YIPEEEEE x