Just when I was going to tell my mum..

I was going to tell my mum about my upcoming reop and we were watching this show on Kim Cattrell on E! and she made these stupid insensitive remarks like 'at least she didnt get a big boob job' and 'she stayed natural and wasnt trying to be something she's not' 'small boobs really suit her' and I just glared at her and said what are you trying to say? She said nothing but i know my mother too well!

I find her comments so hurtful and tactless, and it makes me feel like poo why cant i have a nice, supportive mum who gives me confidence rather than strips me of any self esteem i have left?

I dont think i'm going to bother telling her about my reop and just try and hide it, my sister said she will pick me up from the hospital so i'll be at it alone again, which is fine.

Sorry girls, just needed to get that off my chest, so to speak

xxx

Oh babe, big hugs to you. I have a mum like that and I didn't even tell her about my op until I'd had it done. She hasn't made any comments about my new boobs but I knew she wouldn't....because she's not interested as it's me!

I try not to let her unmotherly ways bother me as I have my own daughter now and love her to bits. We have a very special bond, one that me and my own mum definitely don't.

Friends have said that maybe she's jealous, I don't know but I would say try to concentrate on the ones around you who love and care about you, not the ones that don't.

Hope you're feeling better soon hun xxxxxxxxx

Hi Nads
So sorry to hear about your mum being so unsupportive to you! My heart goes out to you. I think if your sister is going to help you and I guess she isnt going to tell your mum then maybe it is best not to tell her.
I havent told my mum yet and am dreading it, as tazzietwo has said she doesnt have a special bond with her mum and I feel the same with my mum but she does have a bond with my sister which makes thing worse.
The girls on here are always really helpful so I would just speak to all of us when you need to get something off your chest (so to speak!) and we will all try and help and be supportive!
G
xxx

Oh hun, you must have felt awful listening to them remarks from your Mum :console: and I make you right not to tell her about your re-op, it doesn't sound like it will help you by telling her.
Will you be ok in recovery hun?
I'm pleased to hear your sister will be helping out, at least you're not totally alone.
And i can't believe it is only 4 DAYS!!!! I am so excited for you! x x x x x

Thanks hunnies i'll be fine, i think you're right, telling her wont really help as she's not going to do anything! I think i'll tell my brother as i live with him and mum so he can help me a bit a few days after without her knowing

ShootingStar wrote:And i can't believe it is only 4 DAYS!!!! I am so excited for you! x x x x x

I know hun!!! Arrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh

xxx

Hi Nads,
Sorry to read about this - your mum really is a piece of work, isn't she. She's been so unsupportive about your boobies. I can't help thinking she must be jealous of you to keep acting like this. What does she think she's going to gain by making snide remarks?

In the short-term you have to live with her so you've just got to try and ignore her nasty comments as much as you can. In the long-term you need to try and get some distance from her both physically and emotionally. Like you say, all she seems to do is try and knock you back

Anyway, good luck with your re-op on Tuesday - I'm sure it'll all go really well for you with the lovely Mr H, and it won't be long before you can enjoy your lovely new boobies!



A xx

Oh my mum is the same she has even said ' I hope you have wrote a will out' implying i'm going to die when I get my boobs done! I love her to bits but she can say some hurtful things! I wouldn't tell your mum till your going on the day or after it's done :) xx

Annie66 wrote:Hi Nads,
Sorry to read about this - your mum really is a piece of work, isn't she. She's been so unsupportive about your boobies. I can't help thinking she must be jealous of you to keep acting like this. What does she think she's going to gain by making snide remarks?

In the short-term you have to live with her so you've just got to try and ignore her nasty comments as much as you can. In the long-term you need to try and get some distance from her both physically and emotionally. Like you say, all she seems to do is try and knock you back

Anyway, good luck with your re-op on Tuesday - I'm sure it'll all go really well for you with the lovely Mr H, and it won't be long before you can enjoy your lovely new boobies!



A xx

Thanks Annie you're right about the distance, i should be moving out this year or next as i'm graduating soon. I was talking about her to my sister and was saying the same thing, that i need some space from her as there is too much negativity and it brings me down.
I've just told my brother and he said he will help me out the first couple of days if i need something so its nice to know i have lovely siblings.
Can't wait to see SH in his scrubs again

xxx

Claireyfairey wrote:Oh my mum is the same she has even said ' I hope you have wrote a will out' implying i'm going to die when I get my boobs done! I love her to bits but she can say some hurtful things! I wouldn't tell your mum till your going on the day or after it's done :) xx

Sorry to hear that hun you'll be fine xxx

nads wrote:
Thanks Annie you're right about the distance, i should be moving out this year or next as i'm graduating soon. I was talking about her to my sister and was saying the same thing, that i need some space from her as there is too much negativity and it brings me down.
I've just told my brother and he said he will help me out the first couple of days if i need something so its nice to know i have lovely siblings.

That's good to hear - It'll do you the world of good - get your own place and a new job, and you won't have to bother with her that much. And like you say, at least you have your brother and sister to rely on.

nads wrote:Can't wait to see SH in his scrubs again

hehe - yeah, I saw him for my 6 month check up a few weeks ago and I have to admit I still have a big school girl crush on him - how embarassing!

xxx[/quote]

Oh sweetie, I had a similar thing with mym mum and sister (although my sister was worse).

My mum is so disapproving and unsupportive of my decision but then i thought about it and realised that we are two different people and will always have a difference of opinion over certain things.

I know all you want is support from her but that may be difficult for her. If you think about it from a mum's point of view, i think they are probably quite offended when we go under the knife to change what they created! It is no excuse for not supporting your own daughter and I know it makes you feel a bit alone, but thinking about it from thet point of view helped me to accept perhaps why she is so against it.
xxxx

sorry to hear that hun, at this time all you really want is support. At lest your sister is being suppostive which is fab! I remember before my ba some so called friends were really negative and trying to put me off. At the end of the day you know the reasons why your doing this and thats the main thing hunni! hugs xx

Ah honey try not to let it get you down. My mum (or my dad) don't understand why I had a ba either and its just never mentioned when I see them. Our relationship is strained at the best of times but other than having my son (which obviously was a great help) I was on my own for both my ops. A friend picked me up from St Johns Wood but literally dropped me off as he had to go back to work. It would be nice to have the support from your mum but its not crucial. You have all of us here honey to keep you company in your recovery and like you say your brother and sister know so will help out. I found it much easier second time around too and having experienced both unders and overs I can definitely say overs are much easier. I didn't experience hardly any of the mobility problems I had first time around and think I got my son back after about 2 days rather than the 10 days I had recovering from my original ba as I felt fine. I drove my car the day I got home (I drive an auto anyway) and had to stop myself from doing too much!

Can't believe you've only got a few days to go. So excited for you xxxx

Thanks girls love having your support, means so much x
quote="*Sally*"]I found it much easier second time around too and having experienced both unders and overs I can definitely say overs are much easier. I didn't experience hardly any of the mobility problems I had first time around[/quote]
Thanks Sally, this really puts my mind at ease, i guess im expecting to walk around like a hunchback after like with my unders but in reality this probably wont happen hehe xx

Oh sweetheart I'm soooo sooo sorry to hear this.

Mothers eh, I don't think they mean it half the time and certainly don't think before they speak!

I'm sure she'll come round too....

BIG ((hugs)) xo

oh nads i honestly doubt you'll be walking around like a hunchback. I know we're all different but second time for me was a breeze. I know its totally against the rules and I probably shouldn't have but I drove 10 minutes from my house, popped into the gym to see a few people and then went to the supermarket next door to buy some milk and fruit juice as soon as I got home. I honestly had to keep checking myself because I felt absolutely normal.

Thanks oirishetz

*Sally* wrote:oh nads i honestly doubt you'll be walking around like a hunchback. I know we're all different but second time for me was a breeze. I know its totally against the rules and I probably shouldn't have but I drove 10 minutes from my house, popped into the gym to see a few people and then went to the supermarket next door to buy some milk and fruit juice as soon as I got home. I honestly had to keep checking myself because I felt absolutely normal.

Wow! I hope mine goes as smoothly hun! x

I'm so sorry you don't have the support of your mum hun, but at least you have your sister and your brother. Good luck for your up coming op. I'm sure you'll be fine after, and if you do walk a little hunched (which I doubt) just say your back hurts or something.

I think if you plan to stay away from her for a week then you'll be able to pass it off without her knowing. I didn't tell my mum and after a week I could make it not noticeable. If she says anything just say that you have hurt your back and that's why you are a bit stiff with your arms etc..... my mum was so against the idea when I tried to casually mention it that I decided not to tell her that I had it booked in and so far I'm glad that I didn't tell her I had it done. (going to have to edit out the bikini pics though!!!! whoop whoop!!) Its your life, your body and you're the one that is going to have to go through the healing pain so stuff em I say!!!


xxx

Hi Nads

Happy new year to you hun....sorry yr mum's being insensitive and just when you could do with her support hey.....big hugs sent to you! I'm sure you can get away without telling her - I did most people and overs are easier to recover from so you go girl! xxx

Sorry,i dont know how i missed this post(i know its 05.20,but couldnt sleep!)My mum is exactly the same,she critizizes my clothes,make up,apperance all the time.She was so nasty when i casually mentioned getting a Ba,that i decided not to tell her and never will.I know how you feel because it was so hard not telling her and i felt so hurt that i couldnt share something so important with her.We always had a strained relationship,but having my Ba without her knowing made it worse in my mind.My mother really is something though,she is always putting me down,wether it be my job,boyfriend what ever.She never bothers if i am ill and only comes to visit me if she wants to go shopping in my town,and has me carrying her bags,and never wants to go in the shops i want to.The last time i saw her she said my backside was getting bigger and i only weigh 8 stone!Sorry to go on,but the most recent hurtful thing she did was tell me not to phone to wish her a Hapy New Year because her and my dad would be at a party!!I must say im shocked that so many people have hurtful mothers like mine but in some ways reading your story nads and the other girls,its made me feel that im not alone, as her attitude really hurts me at times.All the best hun with your reop,you will be absolutlely fine with your brother and sisters support and all of us on here xx

tizzyt wrote:Sorry,i dont know how i missed this post(i know its 05.20,but couldnt sleep!)My mum is exactly the same,she critizizes my clothes,make up,apperance all the time.She was so nasty when i casually mentioned getting a Ba,that i decided not to tell her and never will.I know how you feel because it was so hard not telling her and i felt so hurt that i couldnt share something so important with her.We always had a strained relationship,but having my Ba without her knowing made it worse in my mind.My mother really is something though,she is always putting me down,wether it be my job,boyfriend what ever.She never bothers if i am ill and only comes to visit me if she wants to go shopping in my town,and has me carrying her bags,and never wants to go in the shops i want to.The last time i saw her she said my backside was getting bigger and i only weigh 8 stone!Sorry to go on,but the most recent hurtful thing she did was tell me not to phone to wish her a Hapy New Year because her and my dad would be at a party!!I must say im shocked that so many people have hurtful mothers like mine but in some ways reading your story nads and the other girls,its made me feel that im not alone, as her attitude really hurts me at times.All the best hun with your reop,you will be absolutlely fine with your brother and sisters support and all of us on here xx

Thanks hun and big for you, i know how you feel and you're right, its nice to know we arent alone! Everyone i seem to know goes on and on about how lovely their mums are and its so upsetting. I'm sure mine is bipolar or depressed and she takes it out on me and my sister.

Thanks for all the support girls

Awwww Nads, I know exactly how you feel babe , my mother is critical of anything and everything! - Nothing I do, wear, or say will ever be good enough for my mother, but I've learned to love her warts and all. I know what she is and just let her have her rants, than go home and do what I like regardless! She used to really hurt me, especially when she used comparrisons with my sister, but I am who I am and I quite like me! LOL.

Be who you are hun, you don't have to tell anyone about your impending re-op (oh my! 3 days to go!!!!!! woop woop!) This is afterall all about you and not for anyone elses benefit but your own, if bigger boobs makes you feel better, then sod everyone else!!!! We all have our preferences, yours is a larger breast to that which your mother prefers, she'll get over it babe, believe me and if anything like my mother, she'll soon move on to find something else to pick fault in! xxx

Aww, hunni, so sorry to hear about your mum's attitude.

I'm glad you have your sister to support you.

I can't believe you only have 3 days left to go - good luck, darling. xxxx

I really feel for you. My auntie (who i lived with) made jokes about my breasts for years, didn't matter who was in the room, and when i said i wanted the op she gave me a hard time for it. Now i live with my husband and he to says the most hurtful comments about me getting my boobs done. but i stick two fingers up to him and i am doing this for me. no one else.
I know it will be harder cause its your mum but she will just be worried about you. huge hugs xx