Want it now more than ever...but so complicated :(

Hey girlies, sory for taking so long to make my first post. Been doing some reading on this forum and I trully admire u all, ur stories are amazing and ur all so supportive
I don't want to sound boring or a bit of a drama queen but really need to get this out my chest as I have never been able to talk it out with anyone and right now its driving me mad and feel so down :'(
So here it goes, I developed at the age of 11 and by the age of 14 i had huge breasts (34C/D) and at the time i use to hate it, however when i went on the pill at the age of 15-16 for some odd reason my breasts became smaller, they went down to a 34 B but to me at times they seemed more like a 34 A, anyway not being able to talk it through with anyone, and always getting compliments from my mum and friends on how nice my boobs looked on dresses etc, i felt i had to do something, so since then i started using chicken fillets in my bra so that no one would notice that my breast had gotten smaller (sad i know). However i am now almost 24 and have been in a relationship of almost 5 years and this 'secret' is ruining my life. I say ruin, because i've stopped going on holiday with the girls because i am scared they will find out, and i am so sick of making up excuses to my boyfriend for not wanting to take my bra off (and i think it has come to the point he kinda finds it frustrating) although we tell each other everything this is something i can't bear to tell him.
I always thought my breasts would grow but who am i kidding, they're so not going to grow at the age of 24. I really want breast implants, as i know there's the only way i will feel better about myself and its the only way my self esteem will increase as at the moment it couldn't be any lower :'( (can't believe i am actually crying while typing this)
Although i want the implants like i said i have no one to trust to talk it through, and when i do have them done no ONE can know. So how can i have such procedure and not tell my parents, boyfriend and friends, who's going to look after me and go the consultations with me. I just want them to be the size i once was, i am now (with stuffing) as everyone thinks i am. U lot must think i am some kind of weirdo but if u knew my family you would know why i am not able to talk this with them.
Also one of my biggest fears is that once i get them done they will look/feel fake or i get some kind of infection.
Apologies for this post but i just had to let it all out

Thanks for reading xx

Welcome to the forum hun i think all of us have worn chicken fillets/not taken bras off infront of boyfriends on here so we all understand hun :ghug:
I think you would have to tell your boyfriend you're doing this as he probably would find out as you will have noticeable scars for up to a year until they fade, plus you need some support hun. I did my BA and recovery alone but people knew so i had support in that way. Could you not tell your boyfriend how you feel? I'm sure he'll be understanding and support you through it if he knew how you felt. Since you have some tissue im sure yours will feel quite natural as i had no tissue and mine feel nice and soft x

Hello and welcome!!!!

I think you will find that all the ladies here will relate to your feelings...think we have all done exactly what you are now, some still are. I can believe too that you are crying typing....we think we are the only ones You are not alone babe, I assure you.

However, as Nads said your boyfriend would need to know...others wouldent as it can and does go unoticed...mine have. I did do the whole journey on my own, with much travelling with flights etc and had noone at home and not told anyone that lives in the same part of the U.K. I was fine and managed on excitement and sheer pleasure. However, you need to have that mindset.... to want something enough.... that nothing scares you or hinders positive thinking. It is perfectly manageable on your own, but, everyones circumstances are different. I had to dodge a few situations..funny...hiding from the postman and visitors at the door... being too busy to meet friends.....gosh you have brought back memories. I would do it all again...without a doubt. But, I was certain and had researched all areas beforehand for many years.!!

Glad you joined us and look forward to chatting...everyone here is lovely :ghug: xxx

Forgot to say mine feel real and look natural...and like they have always been there

Hiya Hun

Welcome to the site, dont think your sad for wearing chicken fillets and being scared to take off your bra ive certainly been there and im sure lots of other ladies on here have too

I think as Nads said why dont you tell your boyfriend how you feel im sure he will be understanding and its something you wont be able to hide when you have had the operation as you will have noticable scars for a while.

Serious infections and complications are quiet rare hun and i dont think they will look or feel fake as you already have some tissue there i started with a little tissue and mine now feel really soft.

Good Luck with everything hun xx

I always wanted implants since the age of 16, when I put weight on and was a size 16-18 they increased to a 34B from an A, I never wanted to show them, all my friends were at least a C. I was so embarrassed I used to wear a gel bra on holiday when I went with the girls. They all went topless but I never did. I told my boyfriend and although he said he loved me the way I was he said he would help me any way he could. He ended up putting my op on his credit card and now I am so happy. It was the best thing I;ve ever done. I wanted them since I was 16 now at 29 I have them and so wish I done it sooner. It got me so down having small boobs, I remember telling somone in work I was going to have it done and they said why dont you wear gel bras before hand n no one will know. Little did she know I was padded up to the max and already was wearing gel bras so it looked like I had some boobs. I knew then I was making the right decision, do what you think will help u. Your boyfriend will notice. I would tell him. I f he loves you he will support you in whatever you want to do

Oh darling how awful that you're feeling like this :pale:
I feel so so sorry for you worrying the way you are about this and how bad it is taking over your life.
I really don't think you'll get away with having surgery without telling your boyfriend hun, you will be swollen post op, need rest for a few weeks, and will have scars. As for looking fake, there is no need for you to worry about this, if you have relatively small implants and enough breast tissue they look and feel very real.
I'm guessing your boyfriend already suspects there is something wrong by how you react regarding your breasts. Could you not confide in him hunni? I really feel you need some physical support here not just on-line support from us here.
We will be here to support you so anytime you feel you need it just fire away, we understand where you're coming from and you are not alone ok, big hugs sent your way :ghug: x x

Awww hunny, I can really relate, only two people know about me planning to have a BA. My first ever boyfriend and physical relationship was a bit of a struggle I didnt dare remove my bra, so I know how you feel and I wore gel bras, still do.
Like everyone else as said I would suggest you at least confide in your boyfriend and let him know how you feel. Having a BA is a big decision and you need all the support you can get.

Well, like Mia I did it by myself and didn't have any problems at all. I told an old friend about a week before and she came to collect me from hospital, but apart from that no-one knows! And I really quite enjoyed my week off to be honest - no pain at all just felt a bit tired in the afternoons

And of course this board was a god-send! There are lots of really lovely women on here. :) Also just reading through other people's experiences and following their posts is an amazing source of support.

Like the others say, I think you have to tell your boyfriend, but apart from that if you go for a modest size implant then no-one's going to notice, and they won't look or feel fake either.

Good luck with your decision :)

A x

Aw im so sorry to hear its getting you down so much.

How do you think your boyfriends and family would respond if you told them that you wanted it done?, what worries you about telling them?

hi hunny, i felt exactly like you for years and years and i used to wear gel bras and chicken fillets.
i hated taking my bra off in front of oh too.
i think having a b/a would benefit you a great deal hun and boost your confidence no end. i think you have already thought it through plenty.
like the other girls have said you will be able to get away with telling almost nobody.
people will not be able to tell you have had a b/a but your boyfriend most definately will hun.
you will have the scars and be swollen and sore and although once settled implants can look and feel pretty natural they don't feel quite as soft and don't move, jiggle quite as much as natural breast tissue does so your bf would be able to tell hunny.
i'm sure he would be supportive if he knew how upset you were about this, and you would feel so much better having him to help you rather than go through this yourself.
good luck whatever you decide hun.
xxx

Oh hunny im so sorry to hear how your feeling. Its such a shame that you feel there is no one you can talk to who can be there with you to support you through the process. You are certainly in the right place by being on this forum for people to help and support you but i too dont think you can or even should go it alone. Not only because of the scars etc but because of the mental effect this whole process takes you through. It is a massive decision to undergo surgery and i know that i definately could not have done it alone and hid it (although im sure some girls do.) Wishing you all the best and lots of luck in whatever you decide hun. xxxxx

Hi - just wanted to say I understand how being ashamed of your body can take over your life - it killed my sex drive and ruined my marriage. BUT everything's different now. You don't have to go on feeling that way, and it sounds like you want this enough.

I also think it's a shame you can't tell your family but you must have your reasons. I was petrified of telling mine as it meant admitting an insecurity that I had hidden from everyone for so many years (every bra I owned was full of gel or air or something!) but they were fantastic. I've managed to keep it a secret and only the friends and family I wanted to tell know, and several of them say they can't tell!! Which is the result I wanted - to swap the gel for proper boobs.

I think you should try and confide in your boyfriend at the very least. Things between you can only be better when you have dealt with this insecurity - it must be a huge barrier for you. I bet he's wondering what the problem is and will be relieved that that's all it is, iyswim, as he could be worried you're going off him if it's affecting your sex life.

Sorry for rambling but hope you reach the right decision for you

C x

Hey lovely, and welcome to the site.

The girls have really given some great advice.

And, I think they only way of you going through the surgery 100% without anyone knowing would be to book a hotel with roomservice for two weeks.

I know how it feels to be caught up with secrets and gel bras... but do you think it would be better if you told your BF? I'm sure by him knowing the way you feel would help the situation much more.

I really hope you find some way to make yourself happy lovely. I know for me, implants were only ever going to make me happy, and they really have done
xx

Hey hun, I have felt down about my boobs since the age of 19, i have spent years with mates saying you are so lucky, you can wear wahat you want, but you can't. i had never dared talk to my mum about a BA till a few months ago due to her nursing background and my boyf met me and fell in llove with me as i am. However about two months ago I broke down and confessed everything and how I felt about myself. I think that people that really care about you will understand why you want a BA and i would definately recoomend telling your boyf as it has made the whole consultation experience a lot more postive and made me more confident to go ahead and book my date. good luck with your decisions hunny.xx