Feel awkward about my new boobs with my friend...

Hi guys,

I'm sure I'm not the first to have this problem and I'd really appreciate some advice or at least hear other peoples experiences.

Despite talking about having a BA for years the actual time between my first consult and surgery was one week! One friend of mine in particular I knew would not take the news well and I had no time to soften the blow...

When I called her to tell her I'd booked myself in, her first reactions was to call me 'plastic' and 'sick'! Then she cried. After a fairly long and uncomfortable phone conversation she calmed down. She admitted she was jealous and if she had the money and a supportive husband she'd get it done herself.

I haven't seen her yet but will soon and I'm apprehensive about it. I spoke to a mutual friend about this recently because my biggest concern is that she'll just say really loudly to anyone who will listen 'She has fake boobs!' My friend agreed that she thinks this is exactly what she'll do! And although I'm not keeping this a secret I don't want it broadcast to everyone! I just know what shes like and shes very loud and seems full of confidence, but shes not really and often puts others (mostly me) down to make herself feel better.

I know you're all wondering - why have her as a friend? But we have been friends since we were 16 and have been through a lot together. I dont want to fall out with her so I want to feel prepared to handle the situation it the best way possible....

So like I said any advice, I would be really grateful!

If it was me...

There is no way you can hide it from your friend once you have it done..So I would just make out to her that everyone already knows. If she does say anything to anyone act like you dont care. If shes doing it for a reaction then dont give her one.

Or sit down & talk to her about it. But then if she knows you dont want people to know then I guess she will just tell people behind your back?

Im not hiding mine, I dont care who knows. Yea I will have 'fake tits' but they look a hell of a lot better than yours so ha!

I am sorry but I do think why the heck are you concerned about your friend at this time?!?!? This is for you and if she is going to spoil your time cut her out (even if it is only temporary).

If it was me I would try talking to her and give her one chance, if she can't be supportive and kind she really isn't a friend, just someone you have known since you were 16.

I'm inclined to agree with Loubyroo, give your friend the opportunity to be supportive and if she can't control her insecurity or jealousy then just keep your distance for a little while it doesn't have to be permanent. To be honest you will be able to do without it. If she can't accept what you are doing then thats her problem not yours. So what are you supposed to do not have it done because she can't I don't think so! Don't let her take the shine off your booby journey x

Sorry Jem, but frankly her behavior is disgusting! Calling you 'plastic' and 'sick' on the phone! and putting you down in front of others to make herself feel better! A friend just doesn't do that! I know exactly how you feel because I grew up with a 'friend' like that - she was the main character in our group of friends at school and she changed her best friend with the weather - she could make you feel amazing when you were flavour of the month, but then she would drop you and make you feel like something she'd just scraped off her shoe. She got her kicks from putting her friends down in front of people, but somehow she had a hold over me especially. I phased her out of my life gradually and now she's only losely attached to my group of close friends, so I see her occasionally, but I can cope with that - and I swear I will never let her get close to me again. She realises now what she was like years ago and has said sorry, but she's really never changed to this day.

Get her out of your life hun - she'd dragging you down! It doesn't matter how long you've known her. A friend just doesn't behave like that!

Mx

hi ya, i noticed you had the same surgeon as meeee!!! how was ure surgery hun?

as for your friend, its not her business, if shes bitchy, then just put it down to jealousy, im sure she will get her boobs done soon in the future and she will look back feeling abit silly , dont let it get to u, enjoy those new boobies and show them off till your hearts content! xx

Aww Jem - a toughie, especially as you have been 'friends' for a long time. I deliberately used the apostrophes as I really don't think she is a friend - she seems to be using you as a punching bag to vent all her jealousies and frustration on. Real friends simply don't do that and will support each other regardless.
I would recommend that you don't contact her - let her come to you and then tell her that if she wants to retain your friendship, then she has to start changing her attitude towards you - and at the moment it is quite evident that she needs you much more than you need her.
So, I agree with all the others on here I'm afraid hun.
Be strong xx

A few of my friends were the same unsupportive and made fun telling my I'd be massive and look silly. It does hurt and is totally uncalled for but sadly its in most girls nature to be bitchy. I would just tell her that if she cant deal with it then perhaps its best she keep out of your way for a while. Dont put up with bitchy comments just walk away it'll p*** her off more. xx

minxie (16th December 2010, 2:36 pm) wrote:Get her out of your life hun - she'd dragging you down! It doesn't matter how long you've known her. A friend just doesn't behave like that!

I have to agree with this. She isn't acting like a friend in any way

mizzpink23 wrote:hi ya, i noticed you had the same surgeon as meeee!!! how was ure surgery hun?

Really good thanks! Its amazing how easy it is really.

This is probably very irresponsible of me but I have no idea what type of implants I have. Do you? Did you have a choice? I mean I know I have high projection 325cc cohesive gel, but not the make? I joined this forum after I already booked so didn't think to ask

How have you found him?

Also were you told to massage your boobs or scars? He hasn't mentioned anything. He seems very laid back about it all and has kinda left it up to me when I wear normal bras, dont wear one at night, sleep on my side etc... Did you get guidance?

Going back to my friend promlem...

Thank you so much guys!

I have been so worried about how I can deal with this situation that I have kinda lost sight of what a rubbish friend she is being!

You are all so right, and I need to stand up for myself a bit more. Its so weird, I usually do NOT have a problem doing this, but something about our relationship is not quite right and I end up feeling at fault and guilty for being a bad friend a lot of the time....but for no good reason

My husband has been saying to me for years that shes no good for me. Isn't it weird how that had no effect yet reading all your responses has made me look with fresh eyes!

I should listen to my hubby more he is wiser than he looks! :teehee:

Love these emoto-thingys!

Glad to hear youv'e got the support youv needed on this site, glad ur surgery went well and enjoy ur new boobys, dont let n e 1 rain on ur parade xxx

**Jem** wrote:

mizzpink23 wrote:hi ya, i noticed you had the same surgeon as meeee!!! how was ure surgery hun?

Really good thanks! Its amazing how easy it is really.

This is probably very irresponsible of me but I have no idea what type of implants I have. Do you? Did you have a choice? I mean I know I have high projection 325cc cohesive gel, but not the make? I joined this forum after I already booked so didn't think to ask

How have you found him?

Also were you told to massage your boobs or scars? He hasn't mentioned anything. He seems very laid back about it all and has kinda left it up to me when I wear normal bras, dont wear one at night, sleep on my side etc... Did you get guidance?

yeh it was defintly not half as bad as how imagined it to be, quite a fun experience overall :good:

well i had allergen implants hun, and im pretty sure that mr davison only uses them, which are very good, but if you are worried,just email his secretary teresa and she will get back to you very quickly, i must of done her head in emailing every day before and after my op, lol, she was lovely tho, and very helpful.

i thort he was really nice, tho he never went by ccs, as i always wanted 360cc, but he said what size do i want to be, so i said a D cup, and granted thats what i got, but i cant stop thinking about my 360ccs, lol x

he told me to wear normal bras at 6 weeks post op, not before, and he never told me to massage or do anything with my scars?? how far post op are you? xx

Just over 2 weeks, and I have a check booked at 6 weeks so he may mention something about it then. And I'll ask what implants I have! Feel so silly now for not making that a priority question!

He was the same with me about not talking in cc, but that worked great for me cos I have such limited knowledge about these things. We just discussed that I wanted a bit bigger than my gel bras appeared, and thats what I have! Although Im hoping that when I wear push up bras I'll be able to achieve a more boobsom look!

Do you remember how long it took for you to get a cleavage? I know everyone is different and I'm trying to be patient!

Do you think yours have settled fully now or are they still changing?

**Jem** wrote:............Do you remember how long it took for you to get a cleavage? I know everyone is different and I'm trying to be patient!
Do you think yours have settled fully now or are they still changing?

We're an impatient lot aren't we .............. but I'm dying to know the answer to this too :heehee:
xx

i would just not mention your boobs to her at all. Dont say anything about having them done, dont bring the subject up, and change subject if she mentions it. She'll soon get bored.
If she starts making nasty comments, well then that proves shes no friend at all

**Jem** wrote:Just over 2 weeks, and I have a check booked at 6 weeks so he may mention something about it then. And I'll ask what implants I have! Feel so silly now for not making that a priority question!

He was the same with me about not talking in cc, but that worked great for me cos I have such limited knowledge about these things. We just discussed that I wanted a bit bigger than my gel bras appeared, and thats what I have! Although Im hoping that when I wear push up bras I'll be able to achieve a more boobsom look!

Do you remember how long it took for you to get a cleavage? I know everyone is different and I'm trying to be patient!

Do you think yours have settled fully now or are they still changing?

well unfortunatly, it takes alot effort to try n get a cleavage, as i had such a big gap pre op, that even now, it justs makes the gap more obvious, so i still have to wear push up bras etc , but i think mine are fully settled now, ive not noticed any changes in ages, tho scarring is barely there so i think mr davison is very neat! x i noticed ure from ashford, im in herne bay, lol, small world xx

carol_s wrote:

**Jem** wrote:............Do you remember how long it took for you to get a cleavage? I know everyone is different and I'm trying to be patient!
Do you think yours have settled fully now or are they still changing?

We're an impatient lot aren't we .............. but I'm dying to know the answer to this too :heehee:
xx

I have clevage now, but only with the right bra - I'd say maybe 8 - 10 weeks (ish)
Mx

she just jealous i see this many a time green eyed monster in women thing is if she was a real friend she wouldnt get jealous or judge u so i would bear that in mind xxxx

Darling, its truely shit that your 'friend' would treat you this way. In my opinion a friend who treats you this way isnt worth having. Sorry to say it darling, but she should be happy for you and supportive, not making you feel guilty at a time when you should be really happy!x

I agree with NurseSophie89, she is not worth having as a friend. when I told my mates I was having a BA they said " oh no, are you mad ? " when i said it would make me happier and give me my self confidence back, they replied, " ok, we ll support you, they were great and spent as much time at the hospital as my family did. even though a few of them did not " approve " its never been an issue and they have all been very supportive, even coming to my post op bra fitting with me :teehee: .

Ah thats so nice elle! Most of my friends have been great...its just this one.

We were meant to meet up for lunch the other day but she cancelled and now shes not answering my texts. It looks as though she will be enforcing the distance anyway. I don't know why she feels the need to make this all about her. I feel so hurt that she hasn't even TRIED to be a good friend.

I have plenty of other people that are happy for me, so I will try and concentrate on that and not let her get me down.

Thanks for your support guys xxx

eek what a nasty cow!!!!!...........I only told my best friend & she was over the moon for me! She even got me a boobie card after my op bless her...........as for you 'friend' who need enemies with friends like that hun?!

If she was a true friend then she would put her personal feelings aside & be happy for you


x

I know where Jem's coming from as one of my best friend's is fine - but she just doesn't want to talk about them. When I told her I had decided to book, she just said "Fine, as long as you're happy about it" Nothing at all since, except an email 2 days afterwards asking if I was OK. We talk about everything else, but boobies are simply off the 'menu'. TBH I was fairly sad and disappointed with her about this as she has been very supportive to me in lots of other things, some which were far more drastic than BA surgery.
I suspect that it is because she lost her mother about 10 years ago to breast cancer, so perhaps Jem's best friend has something similar in her past which makes the topic very raw and personal for her.
xx

Hi Jem, It sounds as if she has her own issues to deal with, this is your time and your decision so dont let her drag you down, you need to do what is best for you and if thats keeping a distance from her for a while then so be it. hopefully she will realise its not worth losing a mate over, and if she doesnt then thats her loss. this should be a happy and exciting time for you so concentrate on your friends that are supporting you. x