Update

Hi girls.. Just wanted to send an update regarding surgery etc.. I've not cancelled and still scheduled for 20th Dec.. I thought about it long and hard and spoke to hubby And managed (or do I thought) to bring him round.. This was on Friday last week.. He agreed to come with me etc.. But it didn't happen as he got very drink and walked out.. He's back now but i still  can't speak about it.. He says he's embarrassed to even think about it and told me I must be extremely insecure.. I went to my appointment on Saturday and decided not to cancel.. I told him I was still going.. He is not happy at all but I can't live my life doing what other people tell me to do.. If he hadn't said he would support me then change his mind I would have discussed it with him and maybe cancelled due to his feelings but they change do often that I think I would be doing it just to please him and end up resenting him for it.. Can someone please tell me I'm doing the right thing.. My feelings about this all over the place but if I cancel then it means he has got what he wanted.. xx

Your BA really isn't about the battle between you and your husband hun (who wins and who loses) its a personal journey.

For 'me' it was a journey I chose to share with my husband, but for 'you' you seem to have already made up your mind and if that feels the right thing 'for you' to do, then who is anyone to tell you different hun. Xx

Oh Wonderwoman only you can decide hun, you really have to listen to your gut. I will say this though if you are questioning yourself what to do, you really should give yourself more time. You need to be feeling strong for your recovery & these emotions will be take their toll on your mind & body. Thinking of you sweetheart, hate to hear you sounding so down x

aw lovely this makes me so sad to read and I cant imagine what you are going through

Like Cookie my husband has been very much involved in my journey, infact he booked all my initial consultations for a surprise for me and when I knew who I wanted I said I would leave it and think about but he called up and paid so I couldnt back out haha

But every man and couple are diff, ive not read too much about your situation, what is it he doesnt want you doing it for? if oyu dont mind me asking if you would rather not say then please dont worry

I think though that you have made your mind up though

Will he help you out after the op you are going to need help after the op xx

You can read wonderwomans post [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] Tink. Xx

thank you I remember some of it but I was reading it when I was on painkillers so didnt want to reply xx

Cookie I understand exactly what you mean and to be honest I am devastated that he keeps changing his mind.. For me it's something I was so looking forward to and tried to involve him from the start but he is just being so horrible about it.. I want to go for it for me, and don't want this battle between us.. I can't even mention it without him getting upset.. By upset I mean shouting at me, swearing etc.. Telling me ive ruined his day by bringing it up! 
Tinker bell you're very lucky to have that.. My husband says the following: I'm terribly insecure and need it to make me feel better, must be getting it done for someone else, want to look like a porn star, need it to attract the attention of other men.. Will look disgusting... That kind of thing.. Can I just say, none of the above could be further from the truth.. I always want to look my best and this for me is just an extension if that.. I thought he would love it, and be involved with me but it just hasn't worked out that way.. x

Sorry girls.. x :(

Hey, 

I had that but with my sister as while I was planning it she was happy for me, but then when the time came to make sure I was ok at home after op she turned into a monster and just left me on my own to do everything for myself when I was meant to be resting, well it has only made me stronger and know now who I can rely on to help me ( which isn't my sister!!!!)

Hey Wonderwoman,

I was thinking about you today and wondering how you are getting on!

The girls are right, only you can decide if this is the right thing for you. Personally i don't think you can base that on your husbands opinion - as this seems changeable and there is clearly a lot of issues going on there at the moment. However, is this the right time for you personally? Having surgery is both physically and emotionally tough. You will need people to support you, and it may be doubly difficult if you are already under emotional strain. Whether you proceed, postpone or cancel, we'll all be here to support you xx

OMG I just read it all and now I do remember as I replied but theres been more said since that

I really dont know what to say i dont sugar coat things and Im worried I upset you however I will tell you

I know you are doing this for YOU as I know how hard it is having issues with YOUR body that even looking in the mirror can get you down so Ive been there and still get there alot and I did have help years ago at the gp

If my husband told me that he was going to find me disgusting i would be asking him to leave, you marry someone for everything not the way they look, that really made me very angry what he said to you

As for telling your son WHAT :growl:that is not up to him to tell him and everyone else who wanted to listen to him, so really he is letting people know you are having this done but you dont want anyone to know so how can he say you are having it for other people

YOU work hard AND raise a child almost single handed and ive been there and that is not easy so you 100% deserve to get yourself something and are not being selfish at all

I was in a relationship with my ex, my eldests dad for years since i was 14 and my oh my he controlled me, never physically but very much mentally and he never let me have friends or go out and if I did go out he said I was getting done up so I could get other men but I didnt look nice so it wouldnt work, I got done up as you do when you go out with your friends, if I worked late he sad I had been with men and all along he had been cheating on me when he was "fixing cars" at night, wkends etc etc but as I wasnt doing it I never thought nothing of it (found this out after we seperated) one day Id had enough and told him to go, took months to get him to go and even then I would find him in my house in the middle of the night etc, my family have taken his side and I dont talk much to them, anyway my point is if you feel that your being controlled and not happy and doing everything yourself anyway do you need him, do you love him?

Im sorry if I have been harsh but by goodness I hate seeing women treated this way

however on the other hand maybe he has insecurities of his own? not that he can still treat you the way he does, have you asked him this

sending you a very much needed cyber hug xx

Hi  tinker bell.. Thanks babe, for your nice message.. You're not being harsh at all. You've been through it and know what I'm going through.. Why did your family take his side? All I ever wanted was his "approval".. If I don't get dressed up he says I look like a tramp and if I do, it's because  meeting someone behind his back!! 
I don't know if he's insecure or not.. He seems to think I am but I know I'm not and this is purely for me.. I can imagine that if I go ahead with this he will constantly be making comments to me about how "disgusting it looks" I don't know what to do xx

Hey,
after reading what your husband said to you wonderwoman it reminded me of the way my boyfriend acted when I told him I wanted a BA. At first he was quite supportive and then all of a sudden he just switched and he said a lot of hurtful things like what your husband has said to you. After I spoke to him though we ended up getting to the root of the problem which was his own insecurities. 
Now I haven't quite got to the extent of what you have but like Tinkerbell said.. maybe your husband has insecurities about it too? Of course it doesn't condone his behaviour but it might explain some of it. 
You're obviously going through a really tough time and my heart goes out to you, stay strong lovely and everyone here will look after and support you I'm sure xxx

Hi Wonderwoman

I don't have any answers for you but just wanted to let you know that I feel for you hun. Everyone deserves to look and feel their best including you. I wish you luck on the rest of your journey.

Big hugs xxxxx

aw in so glad that you didnt take it the wrong way its so hard to word something in text,

My family thought my exa was the best if you al met him you would too but when you get to know him hes not bt thye never knew he cheated until 2 year ago when i told them we all fell out at xmas casue I was so upset they talk about him all the time even infront of my then husband to be and dont really bother with our youngest who is my husbands and not my exes, terrible mess lol but never mind im over it, kind of haha

I really hope that you can continue to get some sort of support form us but thats all we can do we cant make up YOUR mind lovely

who will help you after the op xx

Hi tinkerbell what a horrible situation to be in.. You seem really happy now though and that's what matters.. My husband is going to be there after the op however no doubt his mood at the moment will depend on a lot.. My mum knows and she will also be there if I need her..xx thanks for the support.. xx

aw yeah its been hard and I do still get upset over it but Peter the girls and I are a very close family and I love that so thats my family now

aw glad ur mumknows, what do she say about it all xx

My mum was really good about it all and accepted it.. I haven't told her about my hubby's reaction as she has no time for him and doesn't want me to be with him.. She knows what he is like..my sisters telling me to go for it.. Bf telling me to go for it as she getting hers done in January but on nhs... X

aw thats good you have some support telling you to go for it!!

xx